To wonder if we rush our children through childhood too quickly?

[Notmymuse]

Ds is 5 - six in a few months - and a lot of the children in his class are already 6. Quite a few of the parents have mentioned that their child doesn't play with toys anymore now they're older so they had things like iPads, MP3 players, tvs, games consoles etc.
I've also noticed that my friends with similar aged children are starting to get rid of things like play doh, dolls, cars, trains, role play toys etc as they feel they are too babyish for their child. Many of these toys are aged 3 plus so if by 5 they've outgrown them all you don't get much mileage out of them.
I'm pretty sure at 5 or 6 I was still playing with toys. I work in a year 4 class and actually if we use play doh or 'proper toys' for anything they adore it. For example we had a wooden farm out the other day and there was a race for it.

I just wonder if generally now we rush our children through childhood. I suppose it depends on the individual child and what they like doing and I know some children never really like playing with toys at all. It just seems sad to think that at the age of 6 toys are babyish.

If you want the kids to spend less time online how about this for an idea?

If I make playdough for DD2 (8), (something I do only a couple of times a year) the cutters, tools and hair salon come out and DD1 will come and make a few models - DD1 is just 14! (And normally glued to her laptop/phone)
But then I will make things too... surely you are never too old to make models - a year or so ago we made snowmen - DD1s was all skewiff and we were laughing at it- she said it was drunk and went on to make a patch of snow for it to stand on with green bottles littered around it!
Same for Lego - 8 yr old needs help to make models -some of them are age 7-12 aren't they? And I have a box of assorted playmobil which DD2 will stay get out and play with (DD1 will join in too to an extent)
Also DD2 and her friend were happily playing with Sylvanians for hours the other week - friend's mum said they had been thinking of getting rid of them as her DD was too maybe too old - in the end we stayed for tea because neither of us wanted to disturb them ...
I (embarrassingly!!) have a box of baby toys in my bedroom waiting to be got rid of and occasionally I'll find DD2 has been having a rummage....I find the beads on the wire type things oddly therapeutic...and the wooden bricks still come out to make towers and the alphabet blocks -still trying to make a tower of all the blocks!
(Yes -I am seriously in need of a declutter - supposed to moving into a house we are renovating ...so I think I'll sort everything as I pack ...3 years later and we are no closer to getting moved! at this rate DD2 will have access to alphabet bricks when she is at university!!)

Really? My 5 year old has only just really got into playing with toys properly Ie Lego he would just stick, now he's making really creative buildings/ cars etc. I can't imagine him stopping any time soon

We also have no tv at home, and both have no access to an iPad so neither have screen time at home to distract them from playing.

There is a move in NZ towards Discovery Time, which is essentially unstructured play in school and this is up to the age of 13. Research is suggesting that there are massive benefits for oral language and social skills in this kind of play. DT activities can include a whole range of play activities, but things i have seen include playing with dolls, blocks, train sets, water play, marble runs, creating things out of bamboo canes and sheets, blocks of wood and planks ... In fact, I think that play should never end!

Actually it maybe is more our (parents) need to get rid of stuff - 'declutter' that is the problem ...cause our children to grow up too fast. We see them mainly playing onm screensh screen so grab the opportunity to get rid of some crap and they can't play with things if they are no longer available...

Granny still has a basket of bricks and a marble run at her house, all the DG's in an age range of 10 to 16 play with them when they visit (they were made for DM by her grandfather!).

In my experience, my children lost interest in most of their toys by age 8 or so. After that they were more into board games, collecting pokemon cards, and console games. There were one or two exceptions which went along with their interests though.
That was their natural development, not rushed by me.

I agree.
DD is 10 and her teacher said to me recently that she was the right 'age' and that a lot of her peers were mainly 'too old' . This by the way was a young teacher speaking not some old fuddy duddy.

Um... I'm mid 30s and still 'help' kids with lego. Come on I'm playing really! You're never too old.
I do think it depends on areA. I have a 10yr old nephew who only really does scooters n screen time. All my 10 yr old pupils here are out climbing trees building dens and role playing. It's one of the reasons I want to stay!

Yes we do, the government targets certainly do not help. SATS, children as young as nursery age, under constant scrutiny and assessment in the EYFS. Taking no account of individual differences between children, they are not robots fgs. Children expected to be the finished article by the time they start reception school. Childhood as we know it is being eroded. My friends mum told me that her 7 year old NT dd likes Mr Tumble, she whispered it to me as her dd was near by and would have been embarrassed. Childhood is supposed to be a small window, where children can be carefree and enjoy life, before the onset of adulthood.

How can a five year old out grow playmobil that is ridiculous.

I agree with you OP. Children up to adulthood still need to play to develop all their physical and mental skills. Lego used to be marketed up to age 16.

I think people are deluding themselves and are severely misguided if they think their children are too "grown-up" and "mature" to play with toys, and are severely letting them down by encouraging them not to. It will have an effect and will hamper their development and potential. As to recent reports of 6 & 7 yos on social media, I really have no words.

I think kids will indulge in imaginative play till quite old when they're with friends. If they're alone then they're probably getting more stimulation from screens. Mine didn't have a ps2 until ds1 was 11 poor deprived things! Parents who don't allow a tv in the house always seem rather smug, but their children are the ones who won't budge from the screen when they visit friends. I've told the story previously of the little lad Thomas Watson who became known as 'Thomas What's-on-the-telly' . He's now a well-adjusted adult with a telly of his own He was also the child whose mother swapped a nasty sugary lolly handed out at nursery for a lovely cream cracker. By the time he was 14 he was turning up at sleepovers with enough sweets to put a whole class on a sugar high!
Everything in moderation...

Having just had the conversation with ds (11) about the fact that he is not allowed Grand Theft Auto for his Xbox as it's an 18 I would say yabnu. I have this argument daily as all his friends are allowed to play on it (say I know this is true).

It's sad, isn't it? My DS is nearly 8 and has only very recently got an Xbox and a tablet, but he still plays with his cars absolutely loads and to a lesser extent with his Lego. A lot of his friends hardly have any toys any more though - they come round here and drag them all out because it's a novelty!

Crikey. My eldest is nearly 7 and he still plays with toys. He has a younger siblings so that might be the difference. He is only allowed 20 mins ds time a day plus some tv with his brothers.

YANBU

I do agree with the decluttering thing mentioned upthread being part of the reason why this is happening, we live in much smaller accommodation these days and most people don't have a whole room dedicated to play at home anymore (nursery/playroom)

Couldn't agree with you more. My DD is nearly ten and still plays with her dolls' house, teddies, loves lying on her bedroom floor reading, writing stories, drawing. DS is a bit younger and ditto with teddies, sprawling for hours on landing with lego vehicles, prolific reader too, both love collecting stones, twigs from walks and making arrangements in the garden with them. A mountain of playmobil still in the corner of the living room, a cupboard full of board games - we play mastermind, cluedo, monopoly.

I love watching my children play and become absorbed in their little projects. Both have amazing concentration and communication skills - commented on by their teachers.

I hate seeing kids glued to screens - although they're allowed slots of time on the tablet. In my really limited experience they make kids grumpy - they go into a "zone" and resent having to come off them; I can't deal with the aggro and negotiating. I think I must have watched too much "Why don't you?" as a child....the world is full of amazing things to see and do, why sit glued to a screen? (and yes, I do get the irony of a TV programme that tells me to do anything but watch TV!!)

I was talking to a friend about this, he has a 10 year old daughter and 8 year old son. He says they will automatically go to their tablets/computer games first, but he says he limits screen time and makes them play with toys in the mornings so they do to wake up and go straight to computer games! He said his DD still enjoys playing with her dolls.

I was quite relieved to hear this as I would like DS and DD to enjoy playing with toys and using their imagination for as long as possible! They're not children for long so I think they should be able to enjoy being children rather than pushed constantly.

IME, this is a lot to do with keeping a tidy house. DS1 is 13yo and still loves toy soldiers and lego, but his stuff is everywhere. He spends ages setting out complex things and I don't have the heart to tell him he's got to take them apart and tidy up. Friends who have encouraged the end of toys have much tidier houses and care more about that than I do.

FWIW, whilst children do seem to be rushed through the toy stage quicker, I don't think they are growing up quicker. In lots of ways they are babied much longer. My dad remarked last night - DS1 is 14 next week. In 14 month's time, my Dad was working full-time and a year later he had an apprentice working for him.

I think it depends on where you live and also the family environment you foster. We live in rural Brazil so our kids are pretty sheltered from the growing up too fast thing and most poorer children are still out playing at 13 and 14. But some of the richer parents are determined to get their kids phones and ipads at a young age and then toys take a back seat, it's very sad. Some kids in year 5 (top of primary) still bring dolls and cars in on toy day (friday). They are outside at break and there was a big divide between the children running around with their dolls, cars and balls and the two or three sitting on the bench with their ipads. My SIL has three children (aged 13, 9 and 7) and they all have a phone or ipad each (we have a family ipad) The two boys 13 and 7 play a lot and interact socially but her daughter who is 9 is permantly plugged into her mobile phone. At social gatherings she is isolated and rarely do I see her joining in, she is never in the pool and doesn't even watch TV with her brothers and our 4 children, she's there but she's not there (if that makes sense). She has lost interest in Barbie. My daughter who is 8 was thrilled because she gave all hers to my daughter. Toys have been cleared from her room . She will be an adult for (let's hope) 70+ years, why make that start now? Her greatgrandparents who are 86 and 92 have mentioned how tragic this is but my SIL seems powerless to stop it, or perhaps she doesn't think it's too much of a problem!

My 11 year old still plays with playmobil! I still play with platymobil

I do think some parents seem overeager to ditch "babyish" toys but some children genuinely don't like toys. DS doesn't, never really has. He likes Brio trains (still, at 6) and toy cars and toys that "do" things (toy gun which shoots potato pellets, car launcher, marble run) but he was never interested in Happyland, Playmobil, dinosaurs, animals, etc. He will build lego but doesn't really play games with it, the figures are just used to provide detail e.g. a driver for a car, prisoner in the jail, etc.

Yet put him in a park with another child and they will play imaginative pretend games for hours and hours with various sticks etc they find or no toys at all.

He does like tech, and screen based activities, but his preference away from "pretend" type toys was fixed far before he got interested in that.

I do think it depends on area and peer pressure too...
My DD1's class (small primary, semi rural area, 'naice') had a group of (mainly) boys with elder siblings. Most of them had phones by age 6 (elder siblings cast off) and did watch the odd older rated movies (say Harry Potter 12s at 8) etc. One boy -only child with parents desperate for him to be popular - had everything, they rarely said no - not only kept up with the ones with elder siblings but was allowed to go even further - so 18 rated games etc at 9. He was the most popular boy in the class (and now almost 15, has been excluded a few times and DD describes him as a 'pothead' ). Another boy - eldest in family, quite strict parents -wasn't allowed anything like the same amount freedom and he was really unpopular (in the end he moved school).
I said I wouldn't get DD1 a phone until secondary -but then discovered literally every other child in her class had one by age 9. She got one just before she was 10 -because no matter what you believe you don't want to make your child the odd one out and she would have been. But I have a friend with a DD now in the last year of the same school and at 11 she doesn't have a phone. Different class and she has a friend in the class with parents with similar values so they don't have a phone either -so there are at least 2 of them - easier not to give into peer pressure .
What was revealing is though for my DD1s end of primary party - after much faffing/no-one organising on the last minute it was decided that they would have a disco type thing - in a hut next to a football field, they got pizza and ice cream. They weren't impressed - they were too old for that and it wasn't very cool -sounded boring. But in fact they had a fantastic time - spent the entire time out on the field running around like mad things (or 5 yos!), water bombs etc etc - a blast. One of the other parents had moved from a city a good few years before - former friends of her DC end of primary party involved prom dresses, fake tans and nails and hiring a limo .

Thank you op, this thread has inspired me and now have a little boy happily playing .

Ds is only 4 but declared before Christmas that fireman was too babyish now, so it could all be put away. I did and replaced with various superhero things. He has really struggled with playing on his own since Christmas. After reading this thread, I got them all out again and he has had a great time with them all morning, playing with them in a different way than before.

Lesson learnt so thank you, will put superheroes away until he is a bit older, plenty of time for all that.

Holepunch this is true,I know one of my grandfathers left school at 12 or 14 but he was a big kid, he loved playing and would spend hours with the grandkids lego. My husbands grandfather who is 92 left school at 12 and went straight into agriculture. There were no options then, but he said he still swam in the river or rode horses and went fishing with his friends. They had to work but I doubt they just grew up completely overnight and also they still interacted socially and used their imaginations. Screens do limit both of those things in modern children,where as toys are less likely to. Also because of where I live, I know children that only have one treasured toy, a single truck, car or doll. It's not so much about toys as such, it's about being children, being active and playing.