Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to like more than 1 thing?

13 replies

Angel1983 · 14/03/2015 08:26

My sister came round last night in floods of tears. She has been with her DP for two years but recently she feels he has grown distant towards her. They don't live together but see each other almost every day. Apparently she asked him what he liked about her and the only thing he could come up with was that he liked her nose(!)

When she explained she had no idea whether he still found her attractive as he didn't compliment her or show her any affection he apparently got really defensive and accused her of trying to trap him (into what I have no idea). He did not text her afterwards to see if she was ok or to reassure her that he did still find her attractive.

Obviously, her relationship is none of my business and I will be there to support her whatever she decides (and I will be keeping my opinions to myself). However I was just wondering whether IABU to expect someone to be able to express what it is he likes about his partner?

OP posts:
Optimist1 · 14/03/2015 08:45

The poor devil was really on a hiding to nothing if the question was as bald as you say!

"You have a beautiful body" can be interpreted as "How shallow - he's only interested in my looks!" or "But my face is ugly as sin?"
"You're very intelligent" could be taken as "But not sexy?"
"You're so sexy" could be "He's only after one thing"
and so on ...

ilovesooty · 14/03/2015 08:48

He was probably completely thrown by the question and didn't know what to say.

Floods of tears sound disproportionate to me.

pollykinesis · 14/03/2015 09:06

Just asked my OH what he liked about me before telling him about this thread. He listed about ten things but then defendeded the guy by agreeing he might have been caught off guard with the question. Still, YANBU.. He could have tried harder

animallover27 · 14/03/2015 13:21

YANBU

Yes men can sometimes panic over saying the wrong thing, but if he's been with his partner for 2 years he should have a vague idea of what to say. If he can't bring himself to say: "You're beautiful, I love you, you are so special to me," and more importantly show your sister this is how he feels about her (the key here is she feels so unloved and unwanted she has to ask for compliments) then it sounds to me like he doesn't care.

CallMeExhausted · 14/03/2015 14:02

This reminds me of King Lear...

However, your sister sounds very needy, and her OP probably would never have been able to give the right answer.

Casimir · 14/03/2015 14:09

Curious as to the many things(?) she liked about him.

Nomama · 14/03/2015 14:15

At Christmas, when my stress levels were at their most toxic, I screeched at DH "I have no fucking idea what there is to like about me"

That was at the end of about 5 hours of me being utterly unreasonable, angry, moany and totally nasty, extremely pissy.

He hugged me and listed about 20 things... ending with "... but I do not like the job that makes you act like this".

So I don't think a moment of surprise should ever prevent a man or woman from knowing when a comforting list of their best bits is required.

Original poster
Angel1983 · 14/03/2015 14:37

Casimir - I think she was able to list about 5 things she liked about him. However she did have the benefit of being able to think about this before she asked!

OP posts:
itsnotmeitsyou1 · 14/03/2015 14:46

Its not just a bloke thing, I hate being asked a question like this. When my partner proposed, he put up notes around our house, pointing out all the things he loved about me. It was beautiful. Fast forward to Christmas, I spent DAYS thinking of a nice message to put in a card as a sweet response. Generally he gets a sarky remark when he asks me a question like your sister did. 'What do you love about me?' 'Your huuuugee.... wallet Wink'.

Some people just cannot respond in the correct emotionalemotional/romantic way. Doesn't mean he doesn't care. Unless your sister feels this this just the last straw in a long line of issues, give the guy a break.

Debinaround · 14/03/2015 15:08

She doesn't sound that sure of the relationship by the sound of your post.

You say she is unsure if he still finds her attractive, gives her no compliments and shows no affection.

After only 2 years she shouldn't be feeling like this. Especially if they are not even living together!

If this was my sister I would be telling her to think carefully about weather she still wants to be feeling like this in 5 years time. Or maybe its time to think about cutting her losses and moving on.

I know this sounds harsh but sounds to me like she knows in her gut that this is not right. She wouldn't be asking such needy questions and getting so upset by the answers if all was well.

Boreoff456 · 14/03/2015 15:16

Does she do this alot though? I have a friend who always puts her dp on the spot and then always looks for a problem in is answers because she is very insecure. Its got to the point where he doesn't answer, because it always ends in an argument. But it leads to an argument anyway. Like my friend, your sisters relationship isn't making either of them happy.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 14/03/2015 15:20

Sorry but that did make me laugh. I'm currently single but thinking back to people I've been with before, if anyone asked me out of the blue like that, I would probably have come up with something equally as lame despite having loads of good answers.

BoneyBackJefferson · 14/03/2015 15:27

I think that he should run very far and very fast.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread