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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cancel his holiday?

28 replies

PaulaJane37 · 14/03/2015 02:25

So, I took an annual leave day today, just because I wanted to "get on top of the house", which I did ALL day! From taking DS to school I didn't stop until 7pm when I had rehearsals for my amateur show (which is next week and the ONLY thing I do for me) DP said he was going out with the neighbour and could I pick him up? Yes, all done and picked him up, apparently he's agreed to go away for five days with his brother (he did ask, I said ok if we can afford it) in June, will cost about a grand, ( not all inclusive, just that he's a complete fecking lush). Picked him and neighbor up from pub and we go to pub across the road for 3 yes three drinks!! Head home to sleep to be woken up by him puking on me/phone/carpet and is a cheeky B! When I try to pish him into the en suite! I'm ducking fuming!!! I want a new fucking carpet! I'm downstairs in his coat smoking like fuck (because he hates it) bit think he should replace the carpet (and clean the clothes that are in the basket - yes I should have put then away) that's he has phkwd on! He's out for the count!!!

OP posts:

woowoo22 · 14/03/2015 04:01

Eugh. Of course he should clean up.

NaughtyRed82 · 14/03/2015 04:47

First of all where is he going that's going to cost a grand for just 5 days!
Think your over reacting that he needs to replace the carpet, he's been sick. Leave it and make him clean it all up tomorrow and clean it good esp the carpet. But seems silly to want it replacing just because of some sick and to want to cancel his holiday just because he's been sick

killthewiseone · 14/03/2015 05:32

You've just been puked on so I'm not surprised you're fuming. Replacing an entire carpet rather than just cleaning it is a bit over kill though.

however · 14/03/2015 05:49

When I read these threads I'm always aghast that these blokes don't get binned a nanosecond after they do stuff like puke in bed/piss in the closet etc as a result of being blind drunk. Perhaps it's just me.

seastargirl · 14/03/2015 06:42

Put some bicarbonate of soda on the carpet and leave for at least 12 hours it'll get rid of the smell.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 14/03/2015 07:41

So many things wrong with your OP

Why do you have to waste a day's AL on HOUSEWORK??!!
Why isn't your OH helping you?
Why are you allowing him to spend £1k on 5 days away?
He puked on you after you spent all that money on you. How disgraceful.

He doesn't sound like much of a catch

ScrambledEggAndToast · 14/03/2015 07:42

No 4 should read.

4 He puked on you after you spent all that time cleaning. How disgraceful!!

Totality22 · 14/03/2015 07:50

Have you posted about this holiday before OP ? It sounds familiar.

As for the drunken puking, I would say if its extremely out of character / one off then it's not then end of the world (not a ltb situation) but if it happens all the time then it's a different story.

Not sure what the real issue is here. Is it the holiday? It seems like an awfully large amount to spend unless you are very wealthy.

Also agree with poster who asked why you are using your holiday to clean? Surely that's something you should both be doing?

MinceSpy · 14/03/2015 07:51

Your 'd'p has an alcohol issue. What do you want to do?

ememem84 · 14/03/2015 08:07

mince why is it an alcohol issue? I assume by this you either mean he can't handle his drink. or he is an alcoholic.

my dh went out last night, i picked him up. he was out with his work, they had dinner and rather a lot to drink. he did exactly the same. except i pre emptied this and left a bucket near the bed just incase.

this doesn't mean he has an alcohol issue. the body treats alcohol as a poison so tries to get rid if it feels overloaded. (thankfully not on my bed or the carport - OP i feel your pain. i really do)

Original poster

PaulaJane37 · 14/03/2015 08:08

This is only my second post so I've not posted it before. Yes I probably was over reacting at 3am, I wanted to kill him at that point too!! I've calmed down and yes I realise replacing the entire carpet was over kill, I'm now re washing all my clothes I had put in the basket for putting away yesterday. It was a once off, I've totally calmed down now after sleeping in the spare room and be is going to clean up but actually said "that wasn't me"!! Yes a grand is a ridiculous amount to spend on five days away in Portugal and we are not very wealthy at all, I think this has grated on me more than the puke tbh!! I think there was a while load of things yesterday, I've been quite ill with pneumonia and had only just kept on top of things and no more, it was getting me down, I needed a purge day of cleaning so I would feel better, he was off yesterday too and read the paper and watched tv, helpfully lifting his feet up when I mopped!! I'm doing overtime this weekend so hopefully he will have the bedroom sparkling and the wee jobs I've been asking him to do all done when I finish at ten tonight!! (As long as there aren't any murders or serious crime I'll be home on time!) so yes, thanks people, I WBU, I was just bloody furious! - and he broke my phone cover by puking on it and making it soggy!!! Grrrr

OP posts:

Holepunch · 14/03/2015 08:13

I don't think the holiday and last night's events are related.

It's not a question of "allowing" him to go on holiday if there aren't childcare issues or financial reasons why he shouldn't go, then it's his decision.

But, absolutely he needs to do exactly what's required to get the house back pristine, if that means a new carpet and that means he can't go on holiday, then that's how it should be. Don't you dare take any of the blame - "and clean the clothes that are in the basket - yes I should have put then away"

It sounds like he enjoys a drink (too much) but is last night's behaviour a one off? I have once or twice in 45 years made myself very bad after a night out which was stupid and inconsiderate but doesn't make me a terrible person to live with. Regularly, is very different.

Original poster

PaulaJane37 · 14/03/2015 08:43

Hole punch you are right, they aren't related but I think with being not too well, working, looking after DS and DSD, cleaning and rehearsals I haven't really had a minute this week. DS stayed at my parents last night so I was kinda hoping for a cosy night in, just doing nothing and the thought of being a grand down for five days with his brother when I know the money is just going to be spent on drink and I will worry the entire time he is away, was just too much when added to the puke! If we are out together he drinks to what I would describe as a normal amount, he's peed the bed before and if he goes out with a certain mate I don't expect him home until 7 am after a casino visit (if that was me there would be hell to pay of course) neighbour works away and he can be a bit of a bad influence in as much as "I'm going away back to Nigeria tomorrow, have another drink" and DP is quite easily led (at 42!!!!) so I know he does binge drink when with him, I think I was so shocked because neighbour was FLYING drunk when I picked them up DP was just happy, so we went for three drinks across the road from the house, three glasses of wine for me and three pints for him, it's not like him to be sick. Ach anyway, it's done, I've stopped wanting to carve his heart out with a spoon and hope it will all be fixed when I get home from work

OP posts:

HellBoundNothingFound · 14/03/2015 08:57

Your partner has a drink problem, that's quite obvious from reading about your experiences.

I love a drink, spending up to 1k on a 5 day holiday would shock even me into questioning my relationship with alcohol.

My DH cannot drink anymore because he would binge madly, much like your partner...you need to address this

firesidechat · 14/03/2015 09:06

No it's not just you.

XiCi · 14/03/2015 09:08

Oh god
Here come the mumsnet crowd that will tell you your DH is a raging alcoholic because he sometimes has more than a thimblefull at Christmas.
The Op has already said that he drinks a normal amount and that occasionally he over indulges with a certain friend. This is not an alcohol problem. The majority of people will overindulge occasionally, the body is quite able to cope with this.

XiCi · 14/03/2015 09:11

And I also think that 1k is a normal price for a week away abroad at a nice hotel. If you can't afford it, ask them to look for somewhere cheaper, but I certainly don't think the price is unusual

Totality22 · 14/03/2015 09:17

Is the holidays all inclusive?

Or is £1k the cost + what you expect him to spend whilst there? It's still a hell of a lot of money. I assume bil has no kids? Was the holiday discussed with you before it was agreed / booked?

It would piss me off massively.

The binge drinking is one thing and only you can know if its a real problem but the holiday and the fact he sounds like a lazy fucker are the bigger issues here. Him spending a day watching you clean when a) you are recovering from a serious illness and b) you are working the weekend would be incredibly worrying to me.

mummytime · 14/03/2015 09:35

My DH has got drunk in the past - BUT he has never puked on me or pissed on the floor!
He has needed to be helped home, been unable to get up the next day etc. but funnily enough I can't remember incidents like that since we had children. Maybe he grew up.

Or maybe I'm uptight.

OP - he needs to make this up to you big time. And he needs to learn the basics of respect.
Now if he'd missed the toilet but been sick in the ensuite, I could understand, but he would have to clean up.
Maybe you need lots of cheap solid plastic bins from ikea, the kind I use for kids sick. I'd rather a pile of waste paper tipped on the floor and sick contained by a solid cleanable recepticle.

magoria · 14/03/2015 10:00

Well if you need to replace the carpet isn't that the £1k from his holiday used?

Why are you with someone who's only input to the day after you have been really ill and still had to keep on top of stuff to just lift his feet when you are mopping?

Don't you think you deserve better?

butterfly2015 · 14/03/2015 10:23

I think the main issue is that ops husband seems to be doing nothing to contribute to the house, lives as a single bloke...pub, sitting reading paper, holidays...while op is in the role of mother to her child, his child and her husband with no thoughts for her feelings or any support. She's been ill and the fact that she needs to take a day off to do the house speaks volumes.

Fairenuff · 14/03/2015 10:29

It sounds like OP is happy with her dh (apart from the puking). She has no problem with the holiday and has agreed it, so not sure why it's even mentioned tbh. She is happy to clean up around him when he is doing nothing.

What's the actual problem OP?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 14/03/2015 11:00

Get him to pre-soak and wash the clothes (don't let him just lob them into the washing machine as they are

Totality22 · 14/03/2015 11:01

Fair I completely disagree that the OP is happy about the holiday considering her first reaction - to something totally unrelated - prompted her to ask about cancelling said holiday

Purplepoodle · 14/03/2015 11:06

Dh has done drunk puking thing. It's the broken sleep I begrudge as I'm knackered the next day. Now he either stays at a mates or sleeps on sofa - laminate floor and leather sofa so can be cleaned. Hasn't happened in two years but still make him stick to the rules.

The holiday would have me fuming if your not having a family holiday.

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