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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I overreacting here?

20 replies

MarjorieWinklepicker · 13/03/2015 16:53

Everyday I pick DS (4) up from his class and then make my way round to nursery to pick up DD2 (3).

So today I do that as normal, leave DS' classroom and then turn round to find DD2 stood in a crowd of people absolutely bawling her eyes out. Either her nursery have let her out without checking I am there or she snuck out (despite two teachers being on the door and gate). They told me they didn't call her name but she tells me they did and she isn't the type to run off.

There are plenty of cars driving around in the part where I found her or she could have easily started walking out onto the road where I usually park my own vehicle.

Do I just accept their apology or do I need to have a word with the head?

OP posts:

odyssey2001 · 13/03/2015 16:55

This is a tough one. They need to review their end of day procedures. I wouldn't go to the head - there should be someone in charge before the head. Never go to the top in the first instance.

ahbollocks · 13/03/2015 16:57

Poor little thing :( I would be furious. I think you do need to go to the head

FuckItBucket · 13/03/2015 16:59

It's likely she thought her name was shouted but it a different name taht sounded similiar.

Paintedpinksapphires · 13/03/2015 17:03

Regardless of whether her name was called she should have been actively handed to a parent. I'd want a meeting with the nursery head to review procedure and I'd want my complaint registered.

Original poster

MarjorieWinklepicker · 13/03/2015 17:03

DH wants to speak to the head, I am the more reluctant one as I don't want to be viewed as "complaining mum".

They did apologise profusely but I was almost in tears myself and I couldn't really face speaking to her teacher.

I know what it's like at the end of the day, lots of parents who want to speak to them but they have one key worker sat on the carpet with the children, one on the door and then another on the gate about 2 metres from the door. I don't see how she could have got out without them either calling her name and letting her go or them just not paying attention.

She has only just turned 3 at the end of January, is very small for her age and being the youngest in our family she is still very much my baby . I'm just glad she stayed where she did when she realised she couldn't find me or we would have had a mad panic!

OP posts:

Original poster

MarjorieWinklepicker · 13/03/2015 17:06

Fuckit I thought that might have been the case too but there aren't any names similar to hers in the class. It's a very distinct name, not one you can really mix up with something else like Ava/Eva type thing.

OP posts:

candidkate · 13/03/2015 17:07

Go to the head of course.
From 9am-3.30pm they must protect the thing most precious to you. Never feel like you are being OTT in making sure that happens. Teachers should physically make sure children are going to their parents, even if she thought she heard her name she should have been stopped and someone should have said "honey where are you going we cant see mommy"
Complain i would.

306235388 · 13/03/2015 17:09

I never complain to the school but I'd be bloody furious about this. I'd want a meeting and procedures put in place that this cannot happen again.

candidkate · 13/03/2015 17:10

I agree with Paintedpinksapphires
And OP you are not a "complainy" mom you are a GOOD mom well done
I don't think you should be combative because if they usually do a good job this may just be a slip up. But you cant slip up with other peoples kids sorry.

popalot · 13/03/2015 17:10

Children should be handed to a parent, not all let out at once. You should complain so they can tighten up their security.

Original poster

MarjorieWinklepicker · 13/03/2015 17:17

Thanks all for the reassurance.

I will ask to speak to them again on Monday as my main concern earlier was to calm DD down and to make sure she was okay. I'm certain they won't ever do that with her again.

It's quite a bit of a walk from DS' class to the nursery so she had gone through several gates by herself and almost out on to a main road.

It is a possibility they mistook her for another child as she does bear a striking resemblance to another little girl but DD and her have completely different names so I doubt she would have got up when she was called.

OP posts:

Paintedpinksapphires · 13/03/2015 17:22

What if you don't complain about it and it happens again?

To your child or someone else's, and they get hurt?

There are things to let go and there are things to complain about.

This is a thing to complain about?

Paintedpinksapphires · 13/03/2015 17:22

Ignore the random '?'

candidkate · 13/03/2015 17:22

OP -

It's quite a bit of a walk from DS' class to the nursery so she had gone through several gates by herself and almost out on to a main road.

I'm really sorry. Well done for dealing with this so well. That's very serious I'd have someone sacked/given a warning over it. I'd also want a full report on what went wrong.

Let us know how it goes x

Pippidoeswhatshewants · 13/03/2015 17:28

This is a very serious blip, and I would definitely take it further. Apologies are good and fine, but demand to see how procedures will be put in place to prevent things like this happening again!
Also make sure that this is not brushed under the carpet as in "little Marjorie is such an escape artist". They failed massively in their duty of care.

I am speaking from experience, and could still kick myself for not creating a much bigger fuss. All I could think of in the heat of the moment was that my child was safe.

5Foot5 · 13/03/2015 17:28

It is a possibility they mistook her for another child as she does bear a striking resemblance to another little girl

Could be that they mistook another Mum for you and called her name thinking that you were there. Then I guess someone didn't pay attention and notice that when she left the classroom she didn't go up to the mother they thought she should.

No doubt they will have been a bit shaken up themselves to realise the mistake so probably will be more careful with her now anyway

RachelWatts · 13/03/2015 17:37

You must speak to the nursery about this - it's a serious safeguarding issue.

Something similar happened at a preschool near me, and the preschool had to review and change the handover procedure. The mum in that incident was so upset that she also phoned OFSTED to make sure it was reported, but the preschool had already reported it themselves.

wheresthelight · 13/03/2015 19:16

Definitely not over reacting!! I would be going to the head but also submitting a complaint to the governors, your LEA and Ofsted.

I would be massively pissed off and upset if that had been my dd

Iamatotalandutteridiot · 13/03/2015 19:27

Your response really must depend on how well you rate the school and how well you get on with the teachers / TAs.

My son walked out of school (aged 4 - having been placed in isolation and unsupervised) and, by the time that happened, the situation between parent and teacher had broken down so badly that I deregistered him from school (He remains out of school two years later)

My daughter (different school, but only aged 3) was left behind when the class left for another building in the school and was alone for what I believe to be about 10 minutes before she was 'found' and repatriated with her class. However, the teachers dealt with it (took responsibility for it) straight away. Whatever had happened, was THEIR fault. Not my DD. I was called, apologised to, kept in the loop as to the investigation and subsequent actions. I never once felt my DD was at risk (though, she was never near a main road).

So, I'd really look at how you feel about the school and how you want to progress with this. If you want the kids to stay there, I'd say... talk to the teachers in charge that day ,ensure they work out (to the best that they are able) what happened, and have a new procedure to ensure it won't happen again.

ilovesooty · 13/03/2015 19:30

It's a safeguarding breach. Yes, I'd raise it with the school.

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