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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the this mum to teach her kid some manners?

26 replies

BubbleGirl01 · 12/03/2015 23:15

DS is 4 and in Reception. There is a child in his class who walks from school (with her mum) in the same direction as us, so we generally walk together.

This child has started to tell DS not to 'follow her' and that she doesn't want to speak to him. She tried to push him over yesterday and the mum doesn't say a word to the child to correct her, just gives an awkward laugh. Sometimes she will greet him nicely though but it is a bit hit and miss.

I also bring DS a sweet/small chocolate everyday after school and as this child is not brought anything she gets up close to him telling him he must share Hmm. I used to encourage him to but not now as she is not being nice and it is not his problem she hasn't got anything. I had thought about stopping bringing him a sweet but I am not going to do that for the sake of some other kid.

DS was also pushed over by this child when he first started school which left him with a nasty graze to the head which I complained about to the school and they dealt with so I have never raised it with the parent.

DS is a friendly boy and rushes to greet this child although I now try to avoid walking with them as she is just bloody rude and it is difficult to avoid them as DS runs up to her to talk to her.

DS has been invited to her birthday party at the weekend and I am inclined to not let him go if she is going to behave like that to him. He has said that she 'hurts his feelings' at school too.

I know they are very young and I am trying to get through to DS to not bother with kids who are not nice but we still have a way to go as he loves everyone!

AIBU to tell the mum to teach her kid some manners?

OP posts:
Original poster
BubbleGirl01 · 12/03/2015 23:17

this don't know where the the came from.

OP posts:
softlysoftly · 12/03/2015 23:18

Yanbu to feel like telling her but I can't see it going well if you actually did!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/03/2015 23:24

If the mum isn't saying anything to her dd, do you think you could? When she says your ds 'has' to share his sweet, say firmly, 'No, Ds, you don't have to share', or 'It is not nice to push/hit/hurt' when she pushes/hits/hurts him.

If the mum takes horrible umbrage, at least she will keep her dd away from your ds - and best case, the little girl might listen to you or the mum might step up and start telling her dd off when she is unkind.

Disclaimer - you may well have done this already, in which case I apologise telling you what you already know.

WorraLiberty · 12/03/2015 23:24

It sounds like fairly normal-ish behaviour as a lot of kids that age are bossy, while they're finding their ground.

The parent should of course pick her up on her behaviour, however if you're witnessing this sort of behaviour towards your son, you should pick her up on it in a nice but firm way if her mum wont.

GettingFiggyWithIt · 12/03/2015 23:24

Mum is showing some manners with the party invite tbh.
It is a hard one...if he rushes to her and she doesn't want that and you aren't stopping it, then her saying 'stop following me' is not nice, no, but she is four and maybe wants her space. My DD would adore your son, but also faces rejection when in exuberant puppy mode.
The chocolate one is also hard...you teach him to share, sharing is caring, but if one-sided or she suddenly acts nice to rob him blind obviously that's annoying.
You can either rise above or you can call her on her behaviour at the time.
Or pick another route/go 5 minutes earlier/ tell him to put his treat into his pocket/give it him at home.

Original poster
BubbleGirl01 · 12/03/2015 23:29

Actually on further thought after reading my OP, the next time the kid is rude, I shall PAly declare loudly to DS that we don't want to walk home with kids that are not nice and jog on.

Job done. FFS I am not going to dread the awkwardness of the school run because a parent can't be arsed to reach their kid social skills.

Thank you Softly.

OP posts:
mrsfuzzy · 12/03/2015 23:30

i'd change my route/times etc for a while, kids will be kids but i wouldn't trust myself not to lose my rag with mum at some point if it continued tbh.

mrsfuzzy · 12/03/2015 23:32

good for you bubblegirl. you're sorted !

IrmaGuard · 12/03/2015 23:39

Do it, Bubble. My DC are grown now but I sometimes torture myself by thinking back on times when I should have stood up for them more and didn't because I didn't want to appear rude to others. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.

Krytes42 · 13/03/2015 03:42

It doesn't sound very nice of you to bring your son treats for him to eat in front of her, if you know that they'll be walking home together and she won't have anything. Why not give the treats to your son once you get home?
"Don't follow me" is a perfectly reasonable response from a four year old if she wants a bit more space. Sure, it could have been expressed more politely, but it's not terrible. Your proposed response, though, is just unpleasant.

jigglywiggly · 13/03/2015 03:56

I disagree, I wouldn't stop bringing my son a treat just because another child wanted some. Also if the girls mother said nothing to her dd after she shoved my son, then I would say 'it's not nice to push your friends' and walk on with my ds munching his chocolate.
I say this because I had an incident at a playgroup where my son was 18 months and playing with a toy when a child of about 3 grabbed him and threw him off the toy. I just took my ds off to play with something else but really I should have handled it better and said something to the other child. I still think about it now and I will always put my son first now.

fortifiedwithtea · 13/03/2015 04:42

I would put the kid firmly in her place. ie loudly say "He's not following you, he's walking to school." I wouldn't tell her she was being rude, that will just get the mum's back up.

Do let DS go to the party. After all there will be other class parties where she will be too, so he has to get used to her. Agree she maybe more of a PITA when she is the birthday girl. Her mum sounds pretty ineffectual.

DontDrinkandFacebook · 13/03/2015 05:04

It's tricky because she's still so little but if her mother continually ignores her behaviour or pretends she hasn't seen/heard it then it's hard not to get really wound up by it when your own child is always on the losing end.

I think I might be inclined to say to her 'Well Johnny doesn't really want to share his sweets with the same little girl who pushed him over/told him to go away this morning, does he? He's kind to people who are kind to him.'

Annabannbobanna · 13/03/2015 05:24

The mother should definitely pick her up on her behaviour. But maybe your son is different out of sight?

KatieKaye · 13/03/2015 05:49

Of course you shouldn't stop bringing a treat for your son if that works for you. That's mad.

Yes to making sure you tell her each and every time she pushed your son not to do that.

If you all walk home together then she knows your DS is not following her and is just trying it on.

Hope the mother realises from your reactions that she needs to start dealing with her child's behaviour.

timeforabrewnow · 13/03/2015 05:57

I would tell off the naughty girl. Straight up.

BictoriaVeckham · 13/03/2015 06:02

Why do you give your DS a treat every day after school ? Just curious really - treats in my view are not daily but more spontaneous.

The rude parent part, YANBU. Either avoid them or be vocal about your expectations of your son (ie being kind, sharing) in front if the girl. It sounds like normal behaviour but parent should be setting boundaries.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 13/03/2015 06:04

You should tell the girl that the chocolate won't be shared because she is being rude.
Job done.

MidniteScribbler · 13/03/2015 06:15

Whilst she may be rude, I think that bringing your son a treat everyday when they are going to be walking together is pretty rude as well. We're talking about 4 year olds here. I just couldn't do that. Leave the treat until he gets home.

Just let your DS play in the playground for 5 minutes before leaving to give them a head start. You obviously don't like her or her mother, so just stop walking with them. She probably dislikes you as much as you dislike her.

Flumpf · 13/03/2015 06:16

The mum needs to call the little girl on her bullshit. Sorry, not helpful. There was a little boy who used to try and wind my d's up on the way to school. He would call him names, but the mother said nothing. One day, he came running over and was about to push ds over, but dh firmly told him no. The mother still didn't say anything, but we have had no problems since. Sometimes, you need to stick up for them when the other parent seems to think their child is funny when being nasty.

KatieKaye · 13/03/2015 06:17

Other mother could bring a treat seeing it works her DD up so much.
OP could need to get home promptly and shouldn't have to delay the journey just because another mother won't stop her child behaving badly.

Misslgl88 · 13/03/2015 06:29

This sounds like a spoilt similar little girl at my DD school, well I say little they will be 7 this year. They went to the sale playgroup together and she never bothered DD then but since they started school? Jeez! She tells my DD you can't do this or that, says nasty stuff to her and takes DD good friend away from her when they are playing (good friend comes for tea and sleepovers etc), excludes her from games. What really took the biscuit for me was last year she got an invite to this girls party I thought fine maybe it's all playground politics next thing DD comes home crying saying the girl had said she wasn't to go to her party now! I saw red but couldn't have it out with parents as its foreign au pairs that do all pick ups etc. anyway it's not always Dd her good friends mum told me her DD also has trouble with her occasionally.

Oh I just remembered the other day they were doing something in class and DD was sat at the table with no one next to her so her good friend asked if she could sit next to her which teacher said yes but then the other little girl says no you can't and blocks her moving, DD Good friend still went though. From what DD says they try and include her (small village primary) but unless they play this girls way she just takes whoever DD is playing with away or takes over.

AuntieStella · 13/03/2015 06:30

As the party is this weekend, you must have RSVPed at least a week or so ago. I think you have to honour what you said then.

Your DS seems to like the girl, and they get on perfectly well most of the time. The stroppiness on the school run may prove to be a passing phase.

Going against the grain, I'd say always arrange sweets/treats for your DC away from other children if there are not enough to share.

Flowergirlmum · 13/03/2015 07:06

We've been through this with our dd. it escalated to the point of our child being dragged around the school corridors and ultimately kicked and punched. We complained to the school- they managed to stop it. Our neighbours (whose daughter was the bully) now don't speak to us because we complained to the school. It's dreadful and in my opinion very shoddy parenting to not manage your child's behaviour in the first place.

annielouise · 13/03/2015 10:04

Definitely say something. Stick up for your DS. Like Irmaguard I look back and wonder why I didn't say more at the time! One time I did though in front of both the mum and dad. This kid had the habit of thumping my DS - they were friends though! He said it was friendly thumps. My DS didn't like it. I had them all round once as we were all friendly and this kid came up to me and said my kid had hit him. I said what happened just before that? He said he'd hit my DS. I said in front of his parents well you hit him first so what did you expect? If you hit him he's going to hit you and then I walked off. He stopped. I remember the mum's face but what could she say? Nothing.

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