aibu.. to ask you all to help me out of this situation

[beeslovehoney]

I have a friend who i have a very strained relationship with.

Unfortunately for the sake of my children and the fact i will see her every day for the next 9 years at school i cannot break up the friendship

I recently started a new job, and dd has gone to a school club. This friend offered to have her for two mornings a week, each week there seems to be a problem of some sort

She is very precious about her children and really has a tendency to exaggerate if another child has done something she has been done.

Now this evening she has told me dd has been doing some things, some of them i think could be happening but most is very over the top

From the very first week I've wanted an out and now i just to end the arrangements, how do i without falling out or having an issue??

Can she go to the school club instead? You could say you know it will be hard for her and you would rather keep your friendship with her than possibly fall out. I've minded people's kids from time to time and wouldn't have an issue if someone said that.

It isn't working for us, thanks for having her but we will make our own arrangements from Monday.

End of. If she keeps going on about it repeat ad nauseum.

Surely you just say it isn't working out and you don't want to take advantage of her so are booking your dd into breakfast club or something. If she's complaining about your dd she is probably looking for an out anyway.

Tell her she's done you a massive favour tiding you over the last however many weeks etc and buy her a thank-you bottle of wine.

Is your dd going to breakfast club on the other days? If so I would say she likes it and wants to go every day or you think it would be better if she went every day to keep her in a routine.

If not tell her that your dd wants to try it out.

Just be all casual about it.

She goes to club 3 days and friends 2 days.
She isn't looking for an out as she has said is happy to continue.

But i am just fed up of the accusations of my child being a nightmare, the same things happen when we all get together as families she defends her kids and they do nothing wrong yet mine are worse etc etc

Breakfast club 5 days a week then, as your daughter doesn't seem to be thriving at the moment at her house.

just remove your child - the situation no longer works for you.

Breakfast club 5 days and get it over with. Tell her you want to have a better daily routine and dropping her to breakfast club daily will work better for you and Dd. Then don't let her sway you back to dropping at hers.

Yes agree with Squinkies.

You have to think of your dd first. In that situation, I'd put mine in school club.

What can you say to your friend? The difference in routine is upsetting her I think. She doesn't know where she is from one day to the next. So I'm going to put her in school club for five days from next week. Thank you so much for your help though, I really have appreciated it.

Just say what Squibble & Squinkies said and that you dont want to take advantage of her good nature any longer. If its vital you maintain relations as you see her so much, just be quite gushing about how nice it was of her infirst place etc etc & get her a 'token' thank you chocs or something and she cant possibly take offence that way.

Oh goodness. I had a friend exactly like this. She is now no longer speaking to me and I am not really sure why. She is blaming ds for something that happened in school, which school staff and other children say was nothing to do with him. Toxic lady. You've got to get your dd out of there before the relationship breaks down.

Book the school club first so that you do get around to doing it - then tell her!

Squinkies/sqibble angle is best - but how is your daughter really with the different mornings? - I was a serial fibber to not cause offence to anyone, but I really don't want my DS to get caught up in my fibs so have reigned it in a bit. If your daughter really does find the different routines hard to get used to then fine, but otherwise I'd suggest making it about you and how you find the different mornings hard to keep track of. Or there any way of supporting your decision with the direction you travel in the mornings/traffic/getting to work easier?

Good luck - and I'd really say you don't need to bear the exhaustion of a strained relationship like this for the next 9 years just for your kids behalf!

Why do you still want to be friends with this woman? I'm not even sure her offer was all that generous, as she's using it as another stick to beat you and your child with, imagine what she's like to your child without you there?

You are your DD's primary role model, what is your reluctance about standing up to this woman teaching her about friendships. Be honest with this woman and if your 'friendship' suffers then so be it.

Good luck.

Just say 'I have booked DD into Breakfast Club as you do not seem to be coping very well with having my DD there'

"Unfortunately for the sake of my children and the fact i will see her every day for the next 9 years at school i cannot break up the friendship"
I don't think you'll have to - she will break it up herself, surely?

I think what I'm trying to say is - you seem to feel trapped by this woman. You really aren't. So what if you see her every day for the next 9 years? I saw people every day for years and did no more than not scowl not. It is NOT compulsory to remain friends with this woman (although I really think 'friends' is too strong a word for this relationship).

"For the sake of my children" - seriously? Will they actually die if you cool this non-friendship to an acquaintance? What is it that you fear here? Because it does sound like fear to me.