Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To ask a friend for the money she owes me?

25 replies

Kampeki · 11/03/2015 19:27

Can't decide what to do. Friend asked me to do her a favour which involved buying something for her. I spent around £35 out of my own purse and texted her later to confirm what the cost. I said she could pay me whenever it was convenient, no rush etc.

I have seen her three times since then, and she hasn't made any mention of the money. I did say there was no rush, and I don't actually need the money right now, but I'm wondering if she might have forgotten. In that situation, I'd be wanting to pay the money back ASAP.

I don't want to nag her about it, but I would like the money back, and in any case, I think she'd be embarrassed if she realised later that she had forgotten. However, I don't know much about the state of her finances, and it's possible that she is waiting until she has the money. I don't want to make her feel awkward if that's the case, especially when I previously said she could pay me when it suited her.

In case anyone is wondering, she did definitely expect to pay for the items in question, and I don't think she'd have been surprised by the price. It happened just over 2 weeks ago.

WIBU to ask her about the money, or should I leave it for a while? TBH, I could afford to lose it if she never paid it back, but would prefer not to, and don't really think she would want that either.

WWYD?

OP posts:

Magmatic80 · 11/03/2015 19:32

I'd call her and say 'do you have that money I lent you?'. Then see if she says 'ack, would you be alright to wait til payday?'. And then say yes if you're alright to wait. It's not nagging if it's the first time you've asked, but I'd be asking again straight after payday. As you say she definitely expected to pay herself then you're just reminding her.

SaucyJack · 11/03/2015 19:33

Just ask if she knows roughly when she'll be paying the money back. Gives her a chance to say on payday on the 25th- or whatevs- without anyone getting arsey.

expatinscotland · 11/03/2015 19:34

She hasn't forgotten.

I would ask her about it.

FenellaFellorick · 11/03/2015 19:35

Asking her isn't nagging her.

I don't suppose you have the receipt do you? That might be a good way to go. Oh, btw, here's the receipt for the X I got for you.

Or just ask when do you think you'll be able to give me that £35?

Irishhooley · 11/03/2015 19:37

Hi there, next time ur talking to her ask her if she liked / made use of etc the something that you bought on her behalf. A gentle jog to her memory

Teapot74 · 11/03/2015 19:37

If I was the friend it would be because I had forgotten and would quite appreciate a reminder.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 11/03/2015 19:41

My friend bought tickets for me the other week. When we next met up I was supposed to give her the money and I did completly forget to give it her.

As soon as I realised I arrsnged to met her and paid her then.

She might have forgot / she might not have.

Just call her and ask

Leeds2 · 11/03/2015 19:48

She might be waiting until payday.

After a month has gone by, I would definitely ask/text.

VanitasVanitatum · 11/03/2015 19:50

If she is waiting til pay day she should absolutely say, not just ignore it. I would reassure the lender I hadn't forgotten.

I am terrible at remembering things so I wouldnt be surprised if she's forgotten, just text her saying 'do you know when you'll be able to pay the £35, bit tight this month' or something.

Rollonpayday · 11/03/2015 20:55

I'd prob joke ' oi, where's my wonga?'....another gentle reminder!! By the way, what were the 2 items bought for £35?

midnightmoomoo · 11/03/2015 21:04

Was she there when you bought it? If not, say that your credit card bill has come so could she let you have the money she owes you please.

Littlef00t · 11/03/2015 21:10

I'd just ask 'oh finding the receipt for x made me remember. just wondering when you're likely to be able to get the money for x to me'. No pressure then it has to be now, and no random excuses for asking.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 11/03/2015 21:12

My friend sent another friend some flowers last week from both of us, and I said I would drop money with her over weekend, but completely forgot until last night. Totally unlike me, but there you go.

It is perfectly possible that she has forgotten. I would definitely want a plain, straightforward 'how about that £35?' reminder asap if I had forgotten (although my friend didn't remind me!).

SisterMoonshine · 11/03/2015 21:16

How long ago was it?

IStopped · 11/03/2015 21:32

If you are a good enough friend for her to be comfortable borrowing money off you then you are a good enough friend for her to not mind you reminding her.

I would just ask her. How are you doing for that £35 I lent you?

Original poster

Kampeki · 11/03/2015 21:58

Thank you all for your responses. Don't want to say what the items were, but there were four of them. She knows I paid cash. She hasn't used the items yet, and won't for a while. Sorry to be cryptic but don't want to out myself! I bought the things about two and a half weeks ago.

Someone said that if we're good enough friends for her to feel ok about borrowing money off me, then I should be able to say something. TBH, though, we're not that close - I guess that's why I feel awkward about asking. She is a lovely person but it often ends up with me doing stuff for her, simply because she has a lot on her plate and I'm happy to help, but I think she feels awkward about that sometimes because it isn't easy for her to reciprocate. She asked on this occasion because she wouldn't have been able to get the items otherwise - I just don't want to make her feel worse.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kampeki · 11/03/2015 21:58

General consensus seems to be that I should ask her, though, so I'll bring it up next time I see her.

OP posts:

FelixCulpa · 11/03/2015 22:09

Just ask if she thinks she'll be able to pay you back after pay day.

Rainbunny · 12/03/2015 02:50

Oh, this is the easiest thing in the world.

Just text her and say "Hi, I just remembered that we didn't settle up from the X thing. If I remember correctly, the total comes to X amount, what's the easiest way for you to reimburse me? Let me know your thoughts. (The last sentence is completely optional in my opinion but if you want to be super polite...)

Shockers · 12/03/2015 07:08

I have a friend who often forgets about money owed (for joint birthday presents and such). I generally send a text saying how tight things are this month and it appears in my bank straight away

ScrambledEggAndToast · 12/03/2015 07:09

It's always the same, the lender is made to feel bad for asking for their own money back. Borrowers rarely forget, they are just hoping that the lender will have forgotten. This is why I don't lend money. I've had my hands burnt in the past. Try not to feel embarrassed about asking her for the money, this is what people like that are hoping for I.e you will feel embarrassed so won't bother asking.

happystory · 12/03/2015 07:15

Two things here, either she has forgotten or is avoiding paying it back. Either way a reminder is in order, it doesn't matter if you can afford to lose it or not. YADNBU this kind of thing really irks me.

IStopped · 12/03/2015 22:19

Rainbunny has the right idea.

Sazzle41 · 13/03/2015 03:19

"it often ends up with me doing stuff for her", therein lies the dynamic of your relationship. Ask her. Its ok to help but she hasnt forgotten, she is just now deciding the help extends to money too and that you are too nice to ask for back. Otherwise she would make a point of giving it you soon as, or, giving you a definite pay back date (ie. pay day).

If you are ok with this dynamic continue the friendship but dont loan money. Money and friendship is never, ever a good mix. It always, always gets uncomfortable or plain nasty.

HaveTeaWillSurvive · 13/03/2015 03:39

Definately just ask, I'm prone to forgetting this kind of thing too unless it's really significant money - wherever I'm a borrower or lender - with my mates and wouldn't bat an eyelid if they reminded me. Although it probably helps in our situation that we are all in the same place financially, nobody is always the 'taker' and we're all really close.

Flip