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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU regarding Teaching Assistants comment

10 replies

AuntyBrenda · 11/03/2015 17:43

First of all I am basing my question on what my 5 year old DS has told me, he is usually pretty honest about things though.

DS is 5 and has a bit of a temper in certain situations. He has been having problems with one particular girl in his class, massive clash of personalities. He said that she was nudging him at register time and he nudged her back and got into trouble. This struck me as typical 6 of 1 and half a dozen of another and I didnt particularly pay much attention. The carpet places have since been re-jigged and so issues between DS and this girl have disappeared.

As he has been known to lash out if someone does something to him, I have been working really hard to encourage him to tell the teacher rather than nudge or hit back. Today DS says he was drawing a picture when the girl who he has had issues with came in and scribbled on his picture. DS said he told a Teaching Assistant (who, to be honest, seems really good at her job and ive been really impressed with) she apparently, according to DS, reprimanded him for telling tales and said nothing to the girl who had scribbled on his picture. This same girl then followed DS into the creative zone and smacked his shoulder, which made him cry. DS said that a TA from the attached Nursery class asked him if he was ok but he didn't want to tell his own teacher or teaching assistant in case the Ta said he was telling tales again.

Wwyd? I feel angry because I have spent weeks trying to stop DS from retaliating and encouraging him to tell a teacher etc and now this has happened but equally don't want to appear like one of those parents who thinks the sun shines out of their child.

I'm actually in school next Tuesday morning for a parents at school session that they have. Wibu to mention it? What should I say.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 11/03/2015 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/03/2015 17:50

To my mind that horribly old-fashioned phrase "telling tales" implies that a pack of lies has been told to get someone into trouble. This is clearly not the case (we assume - sometimes as a parent you hear one version of a story off your child, and a slightly different, closer to the truth one, from the teacher!), and your DS needs to feel supported in school by adults if someone is hurtful to him, either physically or verbally.

You sound like a reasonable parent so I would just mention it to the teacher. Just say what you've said here. Give only the facts as your DS saw it, and see what the teacher's take on it is.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/03/2015 17:52

Good answer from zzzzzzzz: yes, ask them what he should do if it happens again. If it did happen as your ds says, I would think the teacher will have a word with the TA and ask her to alter her (strange) approach.

Nanny0gg · 11/03/2015 18:27

I hate the expression 'telling tales' - it gives such mixed messages to the child.

On one hand, you don't want them 'dobbing' their classmates in over trivial matters that are none of their business - 'Jane was playing with Sophie's hair after you told her to stop', but then you do want them to tell you when another child is being spiteful.

Definitely ask the teacher what she wants to happen.

tumbletumble · 11/03/2015 18:31

To me, 'telling tales' (don't like that phrase) should be discouraged when they're a bit older and have to start learning to deal with things without running to the teacher all the time - say 8 or 9. I think a 5 year old should always feel able to tell anything to his parents or teacher. So yes, I would mention it to the school.

Ardha · 11/03/2015 18:34

Great answer by zzzzzzzzzz
What a thing to say!

Ardha · 11/03/2015 18:37

By the way, unless you want to spend parents evening discussing this rather than everything else your child has done, needs to do, then try and make the time to approach the teacher ASAP to find out how your child is supposed to behave when someone spoils his picture and slaps him.

LynetteScavo · 11/03/2015 18:44

I agree with zzzz, that would be perfect.

"Telling tales" sounds like a very old fashioned phrase, and but if the TA is older then it could be that it slipped out when was inundated with 5yo's saying "Johnny looked at me funny" and "Billy took my pencil" ect and she had an off moment. Nobody's perfect all of the time.

But yes, if it's bothering you enough to post on MN, I think you should speak to the teacher tomorrow, as zzzz suggests.

AuntyBrenda · 11/03/2015 18:49

Thank you for your comments. I've had a chat with DS and basically told him that I was proud of him for telling the TA what had happened rather than retaliating and I want him to carry on telling the teacher if there is a problem.

He is no innocent but I've never used the phrase 'telling tales' so he's had it from somewhere. I'm going to act with an open mind because I don't know for sure that he is as innocent as he is painting himself to be. The school have always impressed me in their handling of disputes and issues between the children, I've never had reason to question them before. Plus seeing him fighting and mucking about with his little brother this evening proves he can give as good as he gets.

I will have a quiet word with his teacher tomorrow morning and hopefully get to the bottom of it all and I shall definitely ask them how he should handle these situations if he's not supposed to tell the teacher or T. (thank you for whoever suggested that).

Thanks for the replies. Feel better knowing that me being annoyed wasn't a massive overreaction.

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/03/2015 20:38

OP, did you manage to have a word with the teacher?

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