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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of a wwyd pregnant and wedding invite!

33 replies

ThePickledPoet · 11/03/2015 13:10

Sorry if this is long winded!
Mum has had an invite to a wedding (evening invite) and has asked me if I'll go with her as my dad won't (he's a selfish man but that's another story).
Dp and I have just found out we are expecting baby no3 (very very excited Smile ) but I don't want to tell parents until after our scan (and I wanted our dc to be told first!)
She said "I'll drive so that you can have a drink." (She doesn't drink at all) I can't not go as it'll let her down big time! I was wondering whether to say I have a water infection so on antibiotics and can't drink. But I know she'll protest that if I'm ill I should stay home, and even if I say I feel fine or say it's the last day of antibiotics etc she'll worry all night (because that's my mum for you! Bless)
I don't want to make her feel as if I'm doing it as a favour etc or make her worry but I'm struggling to think of an excuse. I have no problem in going, she'll just wonder why I'm not drinking etc. wwyd?
I know it's hormones but I'm stressing over it, I feel awful, and I'm so tired I can't think straight!
Sorry bit of a moaning post this. Hmm

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacles · 11/03/2015 13:16

How about:
'Do you want a drink?'
'Lovely, thanks. I'll have a lemonade'.

SomedayMyPrinceWillCome · 11/03/2015 13:30

Could you say you are trying to get pregnant?

JohnCusacksWife · 11/03/2015 13:35

I'd just tell her and ask her to keep it under her hat til after the scan. If the worst happened and you lost the prognancy would you keep that a secret from her? If not, then I can't see the point of not telling her now. Simpler all round not to lie, probably!

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 11/03/2015 13:39

Go to the bar yourself and get coke or lemonade. If your mum questions you either say you don't want to drink or that there is vodka in it. It's up to you.

MaxPepsi · 11/03/2015 13:39

When is the wedding? And will you have told your kids by then?

If you haven't, just say, oh I don't really fancy a drink tonight - which will be true?

molyholy · 11/03/2015 13:39

If it was my mum, I would tell her and swear her to secrecy. Surely she would keep your confidence, but I would make it clear 'don't even tell Dad as we want dc's to know first if all is okay with scan'

molyholy · 11/03/2015 13:40

And congratulations btw!!!!

expatinscotland · 11/03/2015 13:41

I'd tell her.

OvertiredandConfused · 11/03/2015 13:45

If you don't want to tell her, there are loads of excuses you could use - diet, health kick, a bet etc, etc.

Congratulations!

minipie · 11/03/2015 13:45

If it was my mum I'd tell her (wouldn't be able not to!) But if you don't want to you, could you say you had quite a few drinks the night before and you're feeling a bit hungover? That way she won't worry about you being ill iyswim but it provides a good reason why you're not drinking at the wedding...

TeenAndTween · 11/03/2015 14:01

On antibiotics for something harmless - ear infection?

Original poster
ThePickledPoet · 11/03/2015 14:01

Thanks SmileSmile
I don't often drink so going out for a rare and special occasion my mum would know in an instant that something was up!! I don't want her to figure it out, not that it would be the end of the world, but my scan is the week after the wedding! It's taken a lot up until now not to let the cat out of the bag haha she wouldn't tell anyone but my father would! I was even tempted to maybe tell her on Mother's Day!? I know this is going to sound silly but it's rather nice just me and Dp knowing at the moment!...(well, and all of you lovelies!! Smile)

Thank you for all your replies btw! Xxx

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 11/03/2015 14:16

How are you weight wise? Could you get away with saying that you are off the booze until your holiday/birthday/whenever as you are trying to lose weight?

Bogeyface · 11/03/2015 14:17

I used that excuse when I was PG and no one questioned it, but these days you can drink on most antibiotics so it is likely to seen through.

TwoLeftSocks · 11/03/2015 14:23

Sponsored dry-athalon?

Congratulations.

Jengnr · 11/03/2015 14:26

Buy tonic water and tell her there's gin in it.

MonstrousRatbag · 11/03/2015 14:33

Do go. When it comes to getting drinks tell her you've got a slight headache so you're sticking to soft drinks.

flowerygirl · 11/03/2015 14:37

Congrats on the pregnancy! I would just either get the drinks in and pretend there's booze in it or just stick to soft drinks and pretend you're on a diet.

I remember when pregnant with DD1 I had to go on a hen at 9 wks. I thought 'no way will I be able to get away with not drinking, they'll all be on my case', so I broke the news early when I wanted to wait until the scan. I realised that if I'd just not mentioned it, said yeah I'll have wine when it was being handed out and only sipped it, no one would have noticed.

chrome100 · 11/03/2015 14:59

She's your mum! Can't you just tell her about the pregnancy?

PurpleSwift · 11/03/2015 15:19

Personally Id just tell her. If you'd prefer not to just say you're on antibiotics. You don't have to be ill to need them, if you know what I mean.

HazleNutt · 11/03/2015 15:42

Would she really notice? When I didn't want to announce yet, I would just hold a glass, raise it every now and then and nobody would really notice I wasn't drinking. Stand up from the table, walk around, pour half the glass away. Or if there's a bar, you can ask them to make you alcohol-free but real looking cocktails.

Andro · 11/03/2015 15:43

Antihistamines are your friend (even if you haven't actually taken them), not a good idea to take them and then have alcohol plus a good explanation for you being tired.

NeedABumChange · 11/03/2015 15:47

I would get a glass of fizz, take a few sips in between tipping it away or accidentally putting it down and losing it or swap it for an empty glass on the side etc. Then say you've got a bit of a headache and just fancy water?

Iquitelikeapples · 11/03/2015 15:50

Would it be possible to pay privately for an early scan so you can of told kids before the wedding if that would make you feel better? No idea how much they cost but know a friend did this as she wanted to announce pg whilst family were visiting from abroad & scan wasn't for another few weeks.

ptumbi · 11/03/2015 15:54

Can you drive to hers, so you cant drink as you'll be driving afterwards?

Or I'd get a long glass of fizzy water/lemonade with slice of lemon and let everyone assume it's gin and tonic. Accept any offer of champers, just keep picking it up and putting down.