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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what I do now with a 2 year old who is driving me to the edge (refusing to drink)

55 replies

Totality22 · 11/03/2015 12:52

Am sat here in tears but my toddler has all but defeated me with his refusal to drink barely anything.

He has been given the OK by the GP - IE there is no medical reason why he is not drinking.

He is not yet dehydrated but that is what will happen and then we'll have to go to A&E.

It's been over 24 hours now since he began refusing his drinks and in that time we've tried everything we can think of... different cups, different drinks, bribery, plain old fashioned begging, leaving him to his own devices with a drink to hand, rewards, reasoning.

I have been through any reasons for him not wanting to drink...

Nothing is working, nothing is getting through to him and I am terrified he is going to end up in hospital on a drip.

I have a 7 week old baby, I cannot cope with this refusal to do something so basic and so imperative to his health.

It's like he is punishing me? Can a 28 month old really have the mental ability to think that way.

I feel ready to scream!

OP posts:
BrokenCircleBreakdown · 11/03/2015 13:55

DS2 has chronic constipation (on movicol too) and sometimes stops eating/drinking properly when he needs a poo (he gets anxious it will hurt when he goes). Do you think the movicol made your DS sick? Did gp say anything about this?

PandasRock · 11/03/2015 13:57

Ok, been there, done that, in a BIG way.

My dd1 did this, at pretty much the same age, after dd2 was born. In my dd's case, it was compounded by severe ASD (I am NOT suggesting this is the case for your ds, just explaining why I did as I did), and so I couldn't just leave it until she was thirsty - she didn't recognise thirst. And being on th edge of dehydration became her new normal, iyswim, and so it needed tackling head on.

We tried all the different cups. Nothing doing. I had the largest selection going Grin

She drank no fluids voluntarily for over 9 months.

Things that worked for us, while we were tempting her back to drinking (a long process, still ongoing many years later):

Playing games with water. We could manage to get (minimal) amounts of fluid in her mouth using a 5ml syringe, and making a game of it. She swallowed some, but this was a very drawn out process.

We gave her (in warmer weather) pre-soaked flannels to chew, as she quite liked chewing a corner of a cloth, and so again, minimal fluids got into her that way.

We changed her diet (biggest thing). Everyhting was served ina. Sauce - spag Bol, curries, casseroles. Jelly and yoghurt. Fruit. Rice pudding. Porridge for breakfast.

It is possible to stave off dehydration - we did it for the longest time (even after she started drinking again, dd1 only drank less than 100ml a day for months).

Good luck!

Miggsie · 11/03/2015 13:58

The more you push the more he'll push back.
Just leave it and stop worrying.
Feed him watery fruit and food and don't make a big thing.

DD used to be a nightmare about not drinking - finally, at 10 she has started pouring her own drinks and drinking when she needs to. The only way to deal with it was say something once then let it ride. This was after I had the revelation that saying it 200 times was as effective as saying it once, so I just said it once.

CunningCat · 11/03/2015 14:03

Does he like jelly?? Good way of getting fluids in.

sparkysparkysparky · 11/03/2015 14:13

Ice in some form, watery fruit. When I had hyperemesis I couldn't keep water down and kidded myself with lettuce and cucumber.
Salty crisps is another option. Bacon? major fantasy food groups basically.
Sorry you feel so drained by it.

DeeWe · 11/03/2015 14:38

Dd1 hardly drank. I tied so many different types of cups convinced if I got the right one she'd drink. She didn't. I used to celebrate if she'd had 10ml in a day. When she got to school, she started drinking from her waterbottle, and now (aged 14yo) will take a waterbottle everywhere.
Dd2 drank non stop (she could down 3 glasses of water before breakfast) and she was the one who had massive constipation.

I'd just make sure he has ffood (fruit/yoghurt/soup etc) that is watery.

What would have worked with most of my dc was making myself a "special grown up drink" in a special cup and settling down to noisily enjoy it by myself, with comments about it being my special drink and drink it. At some point he'll probably be curious enough to try it.

TheFecklessFairy · 11/03/2015 16:00

Don't play games, don't use bribery. Just put a drink on the table and then ignore ignore ignore.

IreneA78 · 11/03/2015 16:05

Just leave him.He is not dehydrated.He will drink when you stop fussing about it and rewarding him with all this attention.
You are seriously asking whether a 2 year old can be stubborn,manipulate his parents.Um yes.They are the world masters at it

Hakluyt · 11/03/2015 16:05

He won't dehydrate-try not to panic. Leave a dish of cucumber and orange segments for him to pick at. Remember that there is lots of liquid in food.

blueteapot · 11/03/2015 16:07

Jell y is good for fluids xx

RosesAreMyFavourite · 11/03/2015 16:18

Is he eating OK - if so how much? If he's eating a lot you don't really need to make him drink, he will get plenty of fluids in his diet. Overcook the pasta and rice, add sauce to everything as others have said.

The constipation - how long has it been going on and was it painful for him? The movicol works by absorbing water into the bowel. If he's been on it for a week it might be starting to work, which means his bowel might be feeling odd or strange. Considering he's only two, and bodily functions are his whole universe, it is likely that he'll react to this change going on inside him. I reckon he will instinctively know that it's the fluid that's having this effect and that's why he's stopping drinking.

Not sure what advice to give other than to be understanding of how things affect him, also consider how much of your anxiety is rubbing off on him and giving him conflicting confusing messages. Try to take a step back, it's hard I know :)

Original poster
Totality22 · 11/03/2015 16:40

Very useful advice. Hugely appreciated.

X

OP posts:
momb · 11/03/2015 16:52

Mine would eat Jelly even in the midst of a tummy bug when they won't drink anything. It's my go-to rehydration tool: different colours all stripy for older kids, little bowls of single colours so it's not overwhelming for littlies..

Original poster
Totality22 · 11/03/2015 17:17

Jelly is the one thing I've not tried yet!

OP posts:
AnyoneforTurps · 11/03/2015 17:34

If he is peeing every few hours and his urine is a normal colour, he is getting enough fluid. If he is a typical 2 year old's weight, he'll need just over 2 pints of fluid a day. There is no reason why he can't have the whole lot in food, rather than as fluid.

Loads of good advice on here about foods to try. Will he have ice-cream (ideally sorbet or gelatto, not creamy, but creamy better than nothing) if you let him mush it up? Few kids can resist that. But, as others have said, offer the foods without comment, not as a source of fluid or a bribe. Otherwise you'll find he starts refusing them too and/or demanding ice-cream for every meal Smile

iLoveMushrooms · 11/03/2015 17:46

like everyone else said ignore him and offer him cucumber or watermelon

GreenPetal94 · 11/03/2015 17:50

When this happened to me I did offer squash as ds2 was never big on water and then kind of went off milk. He also liked orange juice in little boxes. Can you find a drink he really likes for now and then concentrate on the baby. ds2 had a lot of sugary drinks for a couple of years but now he is back to happily drinking water.

GreenPetal94 · 11/03/2015 17:53

I'm not sure about all this leaving cups of water available advice. My ds2 just doesn't drink unless prompted and even age 11 gets v grumpy and dehydrated, for example he never drinks during school day. It is a bit odd but telling him to down a cup of something morning and evening generally solves it. Otherwise he does get v grumpy and can't tell he's thirsty.

ladyfordington · 11/03/2015 17:53

When I stopped BF'ing my then 2 yo, she stopped drinking in protest and refused any drink I offered. I bought a mini teapot and little coffee cups with saucers and let her play 'tea-parties'. She poured her own drinks and finally drank something!

AnyoneforTurps · 11/03/2015 18:01

I agree with rainbow that young children often don't recognise that they are thirsty, so not sure that giving salty foods will work - it may just make him even stroppier and no one wants that in a 2 yo Smile

Sexyhouseslippers · 11/03/2015 18:40

Give him some crackers to say he will soon be thirsty, hope all goes well.

Sootgremlin · 11/03/2015 19:13

I have not been in this situation, but have a reluctant drinker, and agree that backing off on these things is the best way, liquid foods and if he starts having a sip here and there that's fine, it'll do, don't push it.

My ds is more likely to drink if I give him a sports bottle in his car seat when he has nothing better to do, or over the park when he's been running around. Different environment can take the pressure off.

The only other thing I can think of, and you may not be willing or able, but when dc2 was born, my ds was delighted to be offered some expressed breast milk in an open cup. It was just a few ml but he thought it was an amazing treat and made him feel involved I think. I framed it as, "Would you like some Mummy milk too? Dd can't have hers in a cup, she's not big enough, but you can".

It worked on sibling breastfeeding jealousy, may work if there's something of that behind his issue. If it is a control thing perhaps try and work on one on one time with him which doesn't focus on what he's drinking and see if this helps at all

Flowers
Hakluyt · 12/03/2015 08:21

At the risk of sounding like a prig, using the word "dehydrated" to describe a child who hasn't had a drink for a couple of hours strikes me as extremely tasteless in a world where children are dying of thirst.........

Sootgremlin · 12/03/2015 10:09

Look up dehydration on the NHS website, hakluyt, it's a perfectly acceptable word to use in relation to a small child who has lost more fluid than they have taken in. They can show symptoms after a short time. It is not a matter of taste.

24 hours is early to panic, but OP gave birth 7 weeks ago and is worried about her first born and not coping well at the moment with that worry.

Hope things are better today, OP.

Rjae · 12/03/2015 10:23

It sounds as though he has something mildly viral and is off his food and drink which is quite normal. I don't think it's helping to focus and stress on the amount he is drinking if he is otherwise 'well'...as in walking around, playing but maybe a bit tired and subdued.

Just keep an eye on wet nappies or wees if that decreases significantly and he goes longer than 6 hours without a wee start thinking about dehydration. Meanwhile give watery and high liquid foods.

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