To think responses to AIBU often depend on more that simple opinion

[DownhilltoFriday]

NC for this because referring to a thread I was on yesterday.

I just found, on that particular thread, that the OP was irritating me with her rather whiny, manipulative, self centred tone throughout the discussion. As a result I found I was putting myself in her relative's (subject of AIBU) shoes and finding the poster was being very unreasonable.
Shortly after, read an OP on a very similar topic but the poster was much more matter of fact and pragmatic as to her reasons and I posted that she was not BU, and genuinely meant it.
Just got me wondering as to how valid the views are on here, really, and how much they depend on your mood on the day, the way you react to the tone of the OP as much as the content, and even how the first few posters respond.
So AIBU to think AIBU is not really a great judge of AIBU?

YANBU. Although sometimes a poster's tone can be such that it's very easy to see the other side of the story and sometimes they seem very sensible and it's easier to imagine the situation from their perspective.

I definitely feel differently depending on my mood too! I do think though that many situations have so many different factors that it's very hard to tell who IBU (if anyone) and sometimes I get the sense that a desperate poster is actually being very reasonable but is struggling to communicate the whole story effectively enough.

To be fair as well, bias plays a huge part. I've been in a situation where I've thought that if I posted about it, I'd get loads of people telling me that I'm reasonable and how awful the other person was but if the other person involved posted they would probably also get everyone saying they were being reasonable. Obviously the truth is that I was being reasonable

I agree with you. It also depends on what circumstances I am in. If I am currently the victim of a nasty MiL or NDN I am much more likely to think the MiL in question, (or DH or NDNeighbour,) is BU.

The opinions are sometimes helpful but it is the advice and experience of other posters that is so valuable on here.

YANBU. Sometimes people can read situations as different from others and sometimes there's projection as well, and people getting defensive. There's two sides to every story and with some OPs I do wonder if the other side was also posted would they too get the same response.

When I was going through a really dark time I saw some of the AIBU as very petty and pathetic and just skipped the threads because I knew at another time I would be able to be more pragmatic about it.

A couple of posters tones over the year have got my back up, mainly because to me they sound so smug and controlling- again I've avoided responding there because of not being sure if the tone was true or in my head.

So YANBU: interpretative tone, the use of certain language, situation and experience do play a part.

YANBU. It is very hard to be objective when the tone of a post makes you feel irrationally annoyed.