To love my dd but hate being a mum

[Sugarfreeriot]

I find it incredibly isolating. I have no friends because I'm relatively young to be a parent and all my friends are out getting drunk and spending their money on things like clothes instead of nappies. My family live about 20 miles away and I see my mum once a week. My sisters (3) don't really bother but hey their busy. I don't drive, so I'm stuck out in the sticks with the nearest bus stop a half an hour walk, with no company .
I tried toddler groups, but my dd as lovely as she is, doesn't cope. Can't understand any sort of routines m&s structure (rules out a lot of groups) and the mums seem to already know each other and be very uninterested in the young mum with the riotous child. (Can't think why)
I'm lonely and struggling to fill my days with a child who at the moment at least, doesn't listen to a word I say and seems to only be interested in her own agenda- apparently this is normal toddler behaviour but she's driving me a bit insane.
I don't want to seem ungrateful, she's got lots of good points but her less good points make going out/socialising and doing nice mummy daughter things tough.
I feel sad that I'm not enjoying this, someone please tell me I'm not alone ?

No idea where "m&s" came from. A simple "&" was all that was required

I'm in pretty much the same boat op.
I don't have any advice that isn't vodka based but i'm always about for a chat.

Och it's hard isn't feeling isolated and out of touch with everything and everybody eh toddler groups can be a minefield but if you can keep going or maybe see if the library does story time it might be less intimidating , Google Homestart your area it's a voluntary organistation for families under 5s for parents like you, I was the young mum 20 years ago it can be tough but keep ploughing away you might not make friends for life but some one to chat to I am sure your toddler is just like any other

What age is she

This was me! She's almost 4 now and for some unknown reason I decided to torture myself and add a second child into the mix (he's 2 tomorrow)

I'm still out in the sticks, I still don't drive or have much of a support network BUT what saved my sanity was DD starting nursery. They get 15 hours funded by gvt at 2, is that something you could look into? It's meant I don't have to do groups anymore as she gets all the socialising/messy play etc at nursery, I get a break and it's worked wonders at dealing with a lot of her behavioural issues. Nursery think she might be slightly on the spectrum and so have worked hard to find ways to help her cope. DS will be starting there in a month for the same reasons DD did. I know it's trite but it does get easier once they're at nursery/school. I've also found chatting to mums at drop off a better way of making some friends than a group.

Where abouts are you OP?

I don't know your age but I am assuming you are in your early or mid twenties, have you tried Au Pair groups and meeting with Au Pairs in your area ? Not much different from mums group really but the girls will most likely be your age and they probably would be thrilled to hang out with someone local and have a chat while your kids entertain each other at the local park or so.

I personally know how you feel staying home with a baby can be very isolating, especially when you are young and none of your friends have kids. Have you thought about leaving your DD to daycare or a nursery for a day so you can go and have some time with your friends? It's important to have a life outside your baby so maybe join a club in the evenings or the gym or whatever hobby you may be interested in, leave the kid with your DP for a couple hours in the weekend and catch up with friends, make sure you have some me time, it's important. :)

Ohhh, that sounds difficult.

I used to live out in the sticks too with no car. I used to visit the old ladies who lived nearby most days. Sounds a bit mad, I know, but they did keep me sane.
I had a pushbike with a child seat on the back too, to get to playgroup 3 miles away, but your DD doesn't like playgroups.

I do remember going to one particular mother and child group, where I knew no one and not one single person spoke to me.
I think those groups should have a welcome conmittee who make a point of chatting to new people.

Best wishes to you.

Bless you, its tough being a young mum, I had my first young and found it really hard. As pp have said check out nursery place, seek out your closest sure start centre, my local one runs workshops for young mums. Speak to HV and see what's on offer in your area. It will get easier

Another vote for sure start here. We have one nearby and its a lifesaver. Nursery is also a good idea.

I do think you could persist with groups - maybe explain how you are feeling to your mum or sisters and ask one to come with you to a group as moral support? It might make it easier for you to get chatting to people.

Your dd sounds pretty normal for a toddler but you might want to consider whether you're consistent in what you tell her you expect and whether you follow through with consequences if she doesn't listen. If you're managing her behaviour well then no one should judge you - it sounds like that's what you're worried about.

Where about are you op? There could be other mumsnetters by you that can give you some support.

from me too, I can't deal with toddler groups either (dd very shy around other young kids but opposite at home...) & find it really hard to get talking to people I don't know. She needs to burn off lots of energy or is bouncing off the walls by bed so anything outdoors or active is good for us.
Probably not so easy where you are but swimming was the best for us, people around but more personal space & not so much conflict as in a stay & play. Might find some outdoor/explorer type groups, where your dd can be a bit more free? Needs to be something you can enjoy too though. There are local meet a mum forums too, might find someone in a similar position nearer than you think?
Good luck & it will get better xxx