to want DH to understand how f#&*ing tired I am?

[CheerfulYank]

I'm (unexpectedly) pregnant with our third DC. I'm 28 weeks. I'm happy about the baby but it's taken me awhile to stop being shocked about being pregnant.

We have a DS who is 7 and a DD who will turn 2 in late May, hopefully before the baby is born! I have three additional children that I mind three days a week. (They're 5, 5, and almost 2.)

I was working on getting in better shape before the pregnancy but hadn't gotten very far, and now I just feel huge and achey all the time.

Sometimes I just feel so utterly overwhelmed and tired. Between the kids and the house and the dog I feel like I'm constantly moving and I'm just so tired. Like moving through molasses tired.

DH doesn't seem to understand how exhausting it is. When I was pregnant with DD I was home with just DS, who was five at the time and going to school four mornings a week. I had plenty of time to rest. He seems to be comparing the two pregnancies (as in I had a better handle on things last time) when it's so much harder this time. DD is a little monkey and taking care of just her could be a FT job some days!

He doesn't seem to grasp that I need extra help right now. I'm trying to get him to finish some DIY around the house before the baby comes and frankly, he's being rather a twat about it.

I just want him to grasp that, although obviously women get pregnant every day, it can be tiring. I don't expect to lie in bed all day being fanned and fed grapes, just a little more help.

AIBU?

No yanbu. I presume he works and can go to the toilet without his colleagues in the cubicle with him and that his lunch isn't spent cutting up their food, wiping their chins and generally letting his own food go uneaten.

If you are a cm then tell him you want to quit because it's too much. Or stop making his dinner, doing the washing and tidying. Just say you are too tired caring for his child, working and nurturing his baby which is draining you.

Pregnancy isn't an illness but it's exhausting and if he doesn't help out you could end up in hospital while he has to take over at home....which probably sounds very nice right now.

Tell him he's got a deadline to get the diy done or you are calling in a tradesman.

I like where your head's at Butterfly. I did, in fact, recently say I was going to get a handyman in. He thinks we can't afford it but he has no idea how much the many small jobs around the house would actually cost.

He does work, yes. He works long hours and works hard, and I understand he is often tired as well, but I am seriously going to lose it with him if he doesn't step it up soon.

And you're right about his lunch etc. He says I get to relax in the middle of the day (which technically I do when the little ones are sleeping) but he gets to talk to adults and eat all his food without getting up one time.

He really is nice and funny and a great dad, but lately I find myself completely resenting his attitude. I just said to someone recently that he's a saint about 93% of the time, but the other 7 I could cheerfully see him drawn and quartered.

We're not in the 93% now.

Could you afford to pay for dog walker to walk the dog?

Men just don't get how draining pregnancy can be, especially when you have other children to care for. I'm 36 weeks and utterly exhausted and achey. Struggling to entertain DS aged 2. DH has little sympathy and it feels like a competition of who's more tired. He's good on the whole but rarely asks how I am, I just don't think he realises that its all much harder for me at the moment.

It makes me feel very stabby towards him at times.

Get a handyman for the diy thing. He's knackered (not comparable, I Know) but too proud to pay someone to do a job he could probably do in theory. Tuff wotsits. The job needs doing. Outsource it.
Best wishes.

True sparky. He did something the other night because I nagged him to do it. It was fastening a shelving unit/cupboard type thing to DD's wall. It was a real safety issue; she is a climber and if she ever climbed it and pulled it over on herself it could be disastrous.

He then used it the next day during an argument as a "perfect example" of me not listening when he says a job will take a longer time than I think. (He had to cut special pieces of wood to attach it and the kids got to bed late because he was working on it.) I said "yes it is a perfect example because I could probably have paid someone $25 to do it during the day months ago!" I'm not talking major renovations (I'd like to do those too actually but it will be in the future when we can get a home improvement loan), just piddly little jobs. We live in a rural farming community and I guarantee there are bored retired older men by the dozen who could do these things, and not for very much money either.

Phoenix probably not. I don't mind walking him so much really. He doesn't like to go for long walks so they're fairly quick. (He does get out and play with me and the children in our yard as well.)

Scratch yes! I feel so bloody angry with him sometimes.

YANBU.

In our house we have only one DC and that is hard enough. I remember being EXHAUSTED in pregnancy and really needed rest and carbs all the time!

At this point, I am certain I don't want anymore DCs. DH is determined we will have at least one more which is incredibly easy to say when you are doing a fraction of the childcare, rarely do it alone and don't have to deal with feeling sick and knackered for 10 months.

Sorry total ranty hi-jack there... This sort of thing just gets my goat.

Really irritating that he won't agree to getting a handyman. My DH recently relented and hired a cleaner. God send.

On the fatigue front -I suffer from it regularly for non - pregnancy related reasons. Have a word with midwife. There may be supplements or additions to your diet that you could do with. Once you get the swimming in mud feeling, your body is focusing on its main jobs and trying to stop you doing stuff that drain it. I know pregnancy means being tired but fatigue needs a bit more TLC.

Hiya Yanky

I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel with regards to being tired, if you didn't know I am 27 and half weeks myself, sorry haven't managed to talk to you for a little while. It is exhausting running around after my other 3 boys, and this pregnancy seems to be taking a lot out of me, although I really am trying. DP understands how I am feeling as I sat down and told him, he is as helpful as he can be when he comes home from work, and very supportive. Have you done the sitting down talk so he understands how it is you really feel. You still need you time to get some rest, it is impossible to just keep going with no support. I really hope your DH starts to realise it is not a bed of roses sometimes, and steps up a bit more. Wish I was closer, we could help each other out.

Sending you to make you feel better x

I empathise. I'm 28 weeks pregnant with twins and have a 2yo dd. i second the advice to ask your OB about additional supplements. I'm taking a prenatal, 1000mg calcium, 1200mg vitamin D, and extra folic acid. I also take thyroid medication. Have you had your thyroid checked?

I wish I had a good answer for how to motivate your DH.

YADNBU.

I have a 16 month old and am 23 weeks pregnant. We're moving house in 2 weeks (130 miles away) and can't afford a removal company so are doing it all ourselves. He's busy at work so working longer hours than normal so this translates as me doing it all. DD doesn't sleep. I suffer from insomnia. I know it's not his fault that he has a lot on at work, I just feel like I need some acknowledgement (and goddam sympathy!) for how exhausted I am. My hips hurt, my back hurts, my head hurts and I JUST WANT A BREAK.

Tired! I'm so, so happy for you! Will pm when I have a second. :)

Last night DH asked what I'd like him to do around the house, then actually did it, so I feel he may be getting it!