To feel a bit incensed by this (in law related)

[Lucyloves101]

To give it some context my FIL has very 'traditional' (as my MIL puts it) views about women, never changed a nappy, won't help around the house despite my MIL working long hours in a shop job. Anyway they are visiting us where my partner is working abroad (father of two dc) and we've made a big effort to welcome them, champagne, massive food shop, had to hire bed and furniture for room, big meal for arrival etc, we've mainly been barbecuing outside and dh has been grilling meat / fish etc and I've done lots of salads, homemade garlic breads, sweet corn etc (this is relevant I promise) In fairness he is a very good grandfather, patient, kind and playful and I do actually really like him despite his sexism. Anyway on 4th day of stay whilst I was in the middle of feeding two children he said to MIL 'what shall we do about dinner then? I don't want (xxx) dh having to cook when he gets in' (he was working really late) is this rude? Had been flat out all day with toddler and ill baby, felt the assumption was that I don't do anything and dh will be having to feed everyone at nine at night. That night he also started a discussion with 'xxxxx (dh name) what are we going to do about going away this weekend?) he is talking about a family trip that will include me and children, yet starts all conversations with dh name to try and cut me out, was sat right next to dh. Any mention of my work has him laughing disdainfully or running out the room. Am I being hyper sensitive? There have been some past issues (which I was hoping were behind us) so may just be hyper sensitive. So am I going mad to be annoyed by these seemingly minor things??

Tell him times have changed and he should treat you like an equal human being.

I think you're being over sensitive Based on the examples you've given. Your first example could just as easily have been interpreted that he was suggesting him and mil should sort dinner out, not you. And why shouldn't he ask his son rather than you about plans for the weekend? I do get why the back story might make you over sensitive but if this is all he's done then you need to let it go.

I think he should ask both of us when we are sat together and we will both be going / paying for it! But if the back story didn't exist then I probably wouldn't have noticed so I see what you mean.

My fil talks like that but means nothing by it as if i give him and mil jobs the dinner gets cooked without me doing it. My fil makes amazing mash and prepares the veg very well but he does talk mentioning my dh name. Think its a age thing. Never borthered me! Maybe slightly senitive but need more examples. Hope the baby ok x

I think you're being oversensitive by what you had said to be totally honest.

Out of curiosity what is your job? That may be where he is being rude.

tbh i feel a bit sorry for his wife, she lives with this all the time.

I think the reason it bothers me is that his views are very much that the men should make the decisions and the women don't get much say. If me and dh both make a meal he will only ever thank dh. I won't bore you with the history but trust me stuff has got a lot, lot better. He once said that it was a pregnant woman's fault if she was left standing on the tube for wanting equal rights in the first place. I let it go, wish I had said something.

Ok it's actually quite a relief to hear I'm being over sensitive as stuff has improved a lot, so will stop finding him irritating and look for the good.

I can imagine that this is the kind of mindless relentless sexism that drips drips drips and gradually drives you into a frenzy, especially from an inlaw. As long as it doesn't rub off on your DH I think you're going to have to grit your teeth and keep pushing gently back. Just stay away from the sharp knives and close to the .

That PurpleWithRed is exactly what it bloody is! Then I end up thinking am I going completely mental? Thankfully dh has just come home (we are in a different time zone!) with bottle of gin, hooray!!!

He sounds irritating but he's not going to change. Does he have a sense of humour? Just laugh at everything he says, how quaint and old fashioned he is.

It hinges on how often and for how long you spend time together.

If he visits once a year - ignore, if you see him every month then he needs pulled up on it. The comment about DH cooking when he comes in from work sounds like a deliberate jibe. But can you be bothered fixing it.

He once said that it was a pregnant woman's fault if she was left standing on the tube for wanting equal rights in the first place.

That's nothing to do with being a female, and everything to do with being 'with child'...ie if a pregnant woman falls over on the tube it could harm or kill the baby. Anyone with this opinion needs a good talking to IMHO.

What does your husband do when he talks to him and cuts you out? Perhaps he should turn to you and say 'Not sure, what shall we do Lucy?'

Lucy. . Good plan. Does your fil call everyone under age of 50 youths. I found that strange to get used to. Mind you my fil has alot of positives (did i mention his mash which is dreamy, the fact he will do any job i ask him without complaining). Being a good grandfather is an excellent starting point.

AlternativeTentacles I couldn't agree with you more!! It's simply about being less comfortable / more dangerous to stand, exactly why he would stand up for an elderly man. Trust me I have rehearsed your exact speech in an imaginary argument with him a million times! He's staying with us for a fairly long time. Dh does gently pull him up on it sometimes and I promise you holds none of the same views but it has caused issues with us in the past (actually before we had children). Although that was over far more obvious issues I won't bore you with!!

Ah he did actually say 'I think we all need to talk about that' so one nil to me, haha!

My FIL is like this. He has said and done so many outrageous things over years. I am learning to block it out. As a friend once said, "he won't be around forever." I just hold on to that thought when I start to get annoyed by him. Wrong but it works.

Your FIL probably asks his son,..because he is his son. I would laugh at him, as someone else suggested. So long as your DH is not like that and the two of you show your FIL that you do things differently - you don't need to get bothered by it. He isn't going to change.
Ignore it and just carry on doing things the way you do them.

I think all you can do is humour him as you are unlikely to change any of his views now and anything else would just cause bad feeling. Would be different if you saw him every day.