Prepared to be told IABU here as I admit I find it difficult to be objective when it comes to MIL.
We usually spend Mothers Day driving from one set of parents to the other, his are local but mine aren't. We have occasionally all met somewhere in the middle for lunch or something but it has been a bit awkward as DM and MIL aren't really fond of each other although they both try very hard not to show it.
We are currently making some improvements to our house and the garden (we are trying to sell) and can't do much in the week due to our working hours so weekends are very busy. With this in mind we decided we would send both our Mum's some flowers, a card and a spa voucher but have not made plans to visit on Mother's Day. We see both Mum's regularly anyway and have promised we will visit soon once the work on the house is done.
SIL has informed us that MIL is very upset about this. She told SIL she is "devastated" that she won't see our DD on Mothers Day, which surprises me as PIL have never made much effort with DD and would happily go several weeks without seeing her if we didn't bring her to their house. According to SIL we are being "selfish" and have "ruined Mothers Day". DH phoned MIL and tried to smooth things over. He said they are welcome to pop round to ours for a cuppa and to see DD but we will be busy painting etc. so won't be cooking for them or anything but could perhaps order a takeaway. MIL wasn't impressed with this and said that she feels as it's Mother's Day we should make the effort to go to her or take her out for a meal.
I am finding it very hard to be diplomatic as when DH turned 30 last year he got a card through the post (no visit, no gift) from PIL and a message on Facebook from SIL and that was it. None of them came to see DD on her first birthday. Their own birthdays are always very OTT, massive celebrations that go on for days etc. I feel it's a double standard that we are expected to make a big fuss of them on special occassions when it is never reciprocated but maybe I am just being spiteful because I find my in laws hard work generally.
DH is very susceptible to guilt where his parents are concerned and I'm worried he's going to cave in and agree to visit on Sunday. WIBU to put my foot down this time and just let her sulk if she wants to?