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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

facebook (sorry) and our own privacy, I guess?

16 replies

noonienoo · 10/03/2015 00:51

I stopped using facebook a few years ago. I was uneasy with how easy it to post information on myself, started wanting to post pics of my kids and so on - basically just uneasy with it all so I deactivated my account. A while later I found, from friends, that certain family members were posting photos of my children on there. I asked them to stop - no BIG deal made of it, just that I didn't want pictures of my kids posted online by anyone, especially those who have about eleventy million friends of most (obv, lol) i don't know.

I explained that I was not using facebook and not posting photos of my kids, for my own reasons, but for my own reasons I'd rather they didn't post pics of my kids. Everyone gave it the "yeah, no bother, I won't and will delete any already there" answer. Anyway, today I found out - by way of a 'distant' friend telling me that she seen pics of my kids on a family members profile. Ok, so I thought, bit pissed off and will ask them again not to, but I suppose if it's only a photo then I can understand that maybe they want to share pics of their niece so I will not be too annoyed. Well, jist of it is, I managed to create a 'fake' facebook profile , searched for them, and was able to look at not just pics of my kids but one in particular where my youngest is holding a certificate with her full name & school on it. I didn't even need to add him as a friend to view the photos.

I'm raging! BUT I don't know how to approach this. I don't want to cause a big family fallout or anything of those extremes, but I DO want them to know I find it unacceptable and to delete the pics now. I tried to report the pics to facebook by the "i am in them and blah blah" option but it asked me to type a comment/message/whatever to the poster - which I don't want to do because then they will know I've made a fake profile to, well, snoop i guess. Snoop to see pics of my own kids!!! And I really don't know how to broach this without causing bad feeling.

Sorry this is so long, but just hoping someone has a diplomatic way of dealing with this, or am I completely overreacting?

OP posts:

Arsenic · 10/03/2015 00:54

Reactivate your original FB a/c 'for some reason'', 'discover' the photos all over again, proceed from there.

YANBremotelyU.

BubblesInMyBath · 10/03/2015 00:56

YANBU

I'd be livid

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 10/03/2015 00:59

How old are your children? If they are under 13, then you as their parent have full discretion over whether their photos appear on fb or not. If I were you I would re activate my own account, under the guise of curiosity (obviously you'd need to ensure that you were displaying no photos of your kids that you wouldn't be happy for them to put on, but by the sounds of it you wouldn't anyway), then raise the subject from there. Then there's been no snooping, and you have every right to be furious that they've not only gone against your wishes, but specifically after you've made your stance crystal clear. Fwiw, I'm happy to post pics of my children, but that's mine (and my husband's decision), and you have every right to have your wishes respected.

Arsenic · 10/03/2015 01:00

And I'd go with desperately worried/keen to educate them on internet child safety. Maybe send them some links to NSPCC info or similar, if appropriate.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 10/03/2015 01:05

Actually, having reread my reply - it's really none of anyone's business if you did choose to post photos of your own children, but didn't want others to. That's your decision. Even friends who I know put photos of their kids on fb, if I have photos of my own children, and theirs is in it, I still double check that they're ok for me to post the photo. If they're not, it doesn't go on. Simple.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 10/03/2015 01:22

Actually, having reread my reply - it's really none of anyone's business if you did choose to post photos of your own children, but didn't want others to. That's your decision. Even friends who I know put photos of their kids on fb, if I have photos of my own children, and theirs are in it, I still double check that they're ok for me to post the photo. If they're not, it doesn't go on. Simple.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 10/03/2015 01:23

Sorry, lost connection and double posted.

Original poster

noonienoo · 10/03/2015 01:30

I've just managed to get into my husband's old deactivated account and have messaged him. I did tell him it was me though, using my husbands account. I tried to get into mine but it was saying something about a new device being used to log in, and I can't remember my log in details properly. I've mentioned that someone told me about 'the picture', and that I was surprised b/c I didn't think there were any of my kids on there, and that since it has full name and school on it, can he please remove. I'm hoping that wasn't too arsey, and I've not mentioned the other pics because I figured that was the most important one, but makes him also aware of the fact that I can see he has posted other pictures too. I feel like such an arse though, and I don't know why. But I did tell everyone not to be posting pics of my kids so I don't know why I feel bad.

OP posts:

Original poster

noonienoo · 10/03/2015 01:32

wherethefuck is my coat (awesome name btw lol) they are all under 10

OP posts:

Arsenic · 10/03/2015 01:34

Don't feel bad.

Posting a picture showing those details is seriously irresponsible. What choice do you have but to ask for it to be taken down?

Original poster

noonienoo · 10/03/2015 01:54

Well see Arsenic that's what I think too. And coupled with that the fact I just don't want my kids pics on there anyway. But then I wonder if I'm just making a tit out of myself by telling everyone not to put pics up - heck I guess they must think so or this sort of thing wouldn't happen? Anyway, message had been sent and now I have the "sent message guilt". But I know that is stupid. I also know that when I tell my husband in the morning what I've done, he will be fine with it cause he was pissed off about the pics too. But uuurgh I do feel crappy :(

OP posts:

Arsenic · 10/03/2015 09:27

I think they're just naive/daft/assuming you won't find out.

ChipDip · 10/03/2015 09:33

How are these people getting all these pics in the first place?

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 10/03/2015 09:33

Stand by your decision, they're your kids, and pp is right, posting any picture of children with such identifiable details is downright irresponsible, and that's before taking into account you've been specifically asked not to by the child's parent! You're not in the wrong.

And thank you!

sparklepopsicles · 10/03/2015 09:38

You can report the pics to Facebook and ask for them to remove them as well.

miniavenger · 10/03/2015 10:01

To be honest if this person is going against both your and your DH's wishes then he's an arsehole and likely to be one in his reply. I'd give him time to reply and remove the photos but expect a lot of moaning back from him and to have to report them yourself.

If your children want their pictures up then when they are old enough to decide that they can. Until then you've made your wishes clear and to post is being a belligerent arsehole, especially one wit the child's full name and school on.

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