Should we always consider others feelings?

[softlysoftly]

Bear with me while I try and explain!

So today on my FB I saw this meme. 5 months ago I'd have been idly amused. Today after we've been dropped into hell by DHs anxiety and depression I found it a dangerous proposition and it pissed me off that we tell men society expects them to be tough and emotionless.

Considering that between idle amusement and anger lies just my change in perspective I wondered whether we should always consider others feelings about things?

Or is always considering that others may have a perspective that means something innocent to us could be upsetting to them mean idle banter / amusement / gossip whatever would be killed off and everything would be too serious? Is someone kind or just a pita professionally offended?

AIBU to wonder where the line lies?

People should be more considerate and think a little more before they post but sometimes it is inevitable that someone may feel upset by seeing a post. I've seen a couple of people on fb who use it to be passive aggressive towards others(not pleasant). You need to be in the right frame of mind for fb or a lot of other types of social media. Studies have shown, it can be damaging to mental health in some cases.

My meme disappeared on OP?

there will always be idiots whose mouths open before their brain cell actively engages, and some people go out of their way to be nasty or awkward. be the better person, they aren't worrying about. i feel for you and your dh, my dh has depression and i have bipolar, it can be such a struggle, you never know what you will feel like when you get up in the morning and how you'll cope with the day, where as so many people take it for granted that all will be tickety boo.

A few years ago I posted a picture on fb with a picture if the grim reaper and the caption 'death doesn't care who you fight for' it was an anti war thing but it was only when I remembered that a good friends husband was a soldier fighting in Afghanistan that I realised what a horrible thing it was. I removed it The post you are showing is a clear joke, but I get your point. Sorry about your dh.

On the whole, yes, we should always consider others feelings. But this was Facebook, and if everyone took the time to consider how every single thing they post could possibly upset anyone, nothing would ever get posted.

You are in one of many difficult positions that can be quite isolating when your perspective of something is forced to change but you still have to carry on seeing the stuff that was meaningless before. It's worth remembering that most of the time, no one has intended to hurt you.

I have had the same feeling from FB, just with different circumstances.

I think there are times I can be selfish - if I don't want to do the washing up before watching a tv program, then I can. If I want to watch tv at 3am, then I can. They are actions that have no effect on any other person (I don't have a DP). I can make a comment about whether I like a particular television program or not, as it's not personal for someone (unless you're talking to the writer/director/actor!).

When it comes to opening your mouth, then you need to consider your audience. For example, telling everyone you don't agree with abortions being legal when you could have someone in front of you who has had one is tactless, but so is talking in a blase fashion about an abortion you had could be upsetting to someone who is TTC. Making jokes about 'the nut house' in front of someone who may be dealing with mental illness, that sort of thing. People who 'say what they think' is just code for 'rude arsehole who thinks their opinion is more important than anyone else's'.

Yes, I think we should consider other people's feeling, but that does not mean we necessarily need to let that sway is what we feel is right or proper or healthy or whatever.

I don't get what FB net sum benefit to the world is

Sorry about your DH, OP. Hope things get better soon

Show me someone who hasn't had a foot in mouth moment?

We all cringe sometimes.

We are human.

pacific You've hit the nail on the head. I only use fb for sharing family photos now. It's full of nonsense.

Someone will always post something you don't like or agree with, but you always have the option to hide from your timeline just as they have the right to post what they like. Besides I can't help but think that people who get upset at such things on social media perhaps should consider whether social media is actually for them!!!

To me it's a complete non-issue. It's like those people who take the time to write to points of view (BBC TV) about a TV programme they didn't like, it's a pointless exercise in futility and actually more unnecessary effort than simply switching channel that's done, I suspect, because they have little better to do.

I lived with a man with d and anxiety for years. The thing that helped me see the wood for the trees was a man called Marshall Rosenberg - his you tube on depression is relevant. You sound worn out. IMO it is down to the individual not a line that determines your reaction. I hope you find your answers and a bit of time out.

Thanks I'm ok, getting to grips with it and have had a lot of MN support under my "whingey bastard username"

I just found it interesting that my reaction to that fairly innocent meme was so visceral and alien to before. It made me wonder how many times I have upset others without ever realising because I just never had an inkling of what has affected them.

As you age it's suddenly like an entirely new landscape opens up and you realise how very different everyone is and you begin to question every opinion you hold because there is always someone on the other side of that fence. But how far do you let that go before you can never hold any opinion at all?

MKDaddy sorry I used FB as the example here as it's what prompted the idea. Could just as easily have been a joke in the paper or a conversation. I'm not offended by the person who shared the meme in any way.

Opi I'll look that up thanks

I know what you mean. My friends are the sort to post lots of inspirational memes, many along the lines that a more wholesome attitude cures illness and that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ... you know! I have chronic, debilitating illnesses. Sometimes I really can't handle implications that it's all my fault for thinking wrong or that I'm not dead so I must be better But it's just noise, and those aphorisms do help some people at times.

No, we can't go around pre-empting every possible upset that any possible person might feel.

I totally get your point about men 'having to be tough'. I'm sorry your H is going through this, and I'm sorry for you too. Please remember to be very forgiving of yourself, as he needs to forgive himself too

Here are some for you and DH, Softly!

Oh Trying again.