AIBU or is Ex-DH? Re custody

[DickensDog]

DH and I separated 8 months ago. We have 3 DC (3,7 & 10), I have been a SAHM since DD2 was born.

DH works full time so as the arrangement stands, I have DC during week and every other Friday night/Saturday day, so Ex has them Saturday eve through until Tuesday morning and full weekend every other.

During week he relies heavily on his DM to do school/pre-school runs for him.

He has a new girlfriend and is now saying that the arrangement is unfair and that I should have them Friday and Saturday nights, then he has them Sunday through until Wednesday.

I'm unhappy about this as it would be his mum who did the lions share and I don't work as I spend the weekdays looking after DC.

AIBU or is he?

So, who would look after the 3 year old during the day when he's at work (and you're not)?
Agree that his new suggestion not only frees him up for schmoozing with his new squeeze, but it also means he maximises the number of nights he has them (reducing maintenance payments), but keeps to a minimum that actual time he'd need to spend with them as two of them would be at school.

Nice try, but tell him no.

Every other weekend, and nights during the week.
He currently, I think has then 7 days over 14 days. This should still remain the same. So Thursday to Sunday one week, and second week Sunday to Wednesday.
Alternating the weekends means the children get to see both of you during this time, and get to do the fun stuff you generally cannot do during the week. It also allows both parents to have weekends off.

I think you need to avoid a situation where your ex gets to control when he does and doesn't have dc. Every other weekend is common - I wasn't keen on this arrangement when me and ex split but I do actually think it gives us both chance to get on with our own lives.

We work it so they are with dad wed/thur/fri until saturday late afternoon. That way we both get a bit of free time at the weekend and a bit of quality time with the kids at the weekend. Works really well for us.

YANBU. He's suggesting that he sees less of his kids so he can go on the lash every weekend, but same number of nights so he can keep more cash? How very child-centred of him. .

I'd counter offer with every other weekend plus every Wed from school pick up to Thurs school drop-off. Focus on how that would be best for the children while still enabling him to enjoy a child free weekend on a regular basis. If he refuses that, stick to the status quo.

It sounds like both arrangements would work well for the kids, whereas his suggestion would mean they'd spend half of every week cared for by a grandparent and barely see their father at all, certainly for any quality time. It seems wholly aimed at reducing his share of the childcare while minimising his financial obligations.

In short, he's wanting you to look after the kids more, without offering more money, and reducing their time with him. He's considering nobody but himself. You are completely entitled to consider your own and your children's best interests. If his idea of sanity is you prioritising him over the kids, then thank goodness you are no longer married.

I agree with clam, sounds like it's engineered to give him all the weekends with his girlfriend, maximum nights to minimise maintenance and - what a shame - the kids will be in school or with his mum most of the time he has them because he has to work. Having said that, your current arrangement doesn't give him enough time without the kids to build his new relationship, and don't you miss out on weekends with the older ones? I would insist that the children need to divide their weekends equally between the two of you, for their sake.

Consider whether you want to find a job - a non-alternating arrangement for week days might make that easier.

And tell him that "most sane people" do every other weekends" and adjust the maintenance payments accordingly,

Points up what Clam said.

Seriously, if he was that patronising ("most sane people," ffs! ) when you were together, I'd be thanking all the gods that I'd got shot of him, if I were you.

We do every other weekend and every Thursday night. It means that every other weekend we have DPs children for 4 nights. They used to split the weekend but the children didn't like it as it meant they never got a full weekend at either home. It works for everyone DP and I and DPs ex and her DP are child free every other weekend. DP works hard (and supports his ex who is a SAHM) he loves having his children around but also values the weekends when they're with their mum. It gives him time to recharge. Not sure that either of you are being unreasonable but it would be worthwhile getting to a solid stable arrangement that works for everyone. I also think that his mum looking after them when he's at work is generally a positive thing. My Gran used to look after us and I loved it - she was the next best thing to having my mum around.