to expect a message from pil?

[m0therofdragons]

We've had a bereavement on dh's side of the family so I do understand they may be preoccupied but today dd3 is in hospital. Fairly serious tests with life changing implications. My dm sent a message saying she hopes all goes well today. Nothing from pil. I'm not surprised but dh is really upset. Pil are getting worse. Cry when they visit as they apparently miss us so much but never call or Skype. I don't know what to say to dh.I always thought they do care but are rubbish at calling but today I'm actually questioning if they care at all. I'm probably bu but my little girl is in hospital so I'm a little sensitive.

your being sensitive yes.
they are obv useless and now have a further distraction with the family loss.

try not to expect from people what they cannot give, its so hard, esp when one is showing what its like to be a good grandmother.

Sounds like my PIL. constantly tell us how much they miss us and how they wish they could be more involved in our lives, and how they hate not being able to help more with DD, but in areas where they could give support (and where it matters) they are completely useless.

YANBU to be upset about it, but I've learnt the best thing to do is expect nothing and you won't be disappointed.

I hate the fact i never send anybody birthday cards, really really hate it, but that doesn't stop me forgetting to send cards. I have draws full of cards bought in advance, written but never posted.

just a point that being crap at remembering to communicate doesn't mean you don't care.

Yes you are being sensitive but you have a child who may be facing a difficult life altering diagnosis.

Your in-laws are obviously rubbish at communicating and recent family bereavement has distracted them even further.

Why not send them a quick text giving them a very brief update and telling them you are thinking of them.

I really do hope you get good news and your dc is okay.

This has just happened to me, quite literally over the weekend.
I think we are both sensitive but when we think about our children they are the most important thing.
I found it hard to understand why my beautiful girl wasn't even 5th in their mind let alone anywhere else!!
I think it might have been me, so I'm kind of giving them the benefit of the doubt, but I completely understand where you are coming from,subs they just forgot with all the stuff going on. Text them and rise above it!

They might have got the day wrong(?)

Time plays funny tricks when you're bereaved.

They may be sat there in tears because their granddaughter is in hospital and you haven't even bothered to send a text and let them know she's OK. And you know they're suffering a bereavement, how could you be so heartless etc?

Just putting the shoe on the other foot. Just send them a quick text as others have suggested. I wouldn't take it personally.

I hope everything goes OK.

tbh it's dh I feel for. He sees the contrast of my parents and how they are and it upsets him.

I've been here too- DS was seriously ill in hospital and not once did FIL text or phone to ask about him, in fact DH had to repeatedly bring DS up in conversation to FIL, and FILs response was always "he'll be fine" before swiftly moving the conversation onto himself again. In comparison when his favourite grandchild had been on hospital with a non life threatening injury, and he visited multiple times a day, bought him lots of gifts and was crying about him. I feel your frustration, but sadly you can't change people and it's something we have come to expect from FIL now.