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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

13 month old tantrums

16 replies

Chunkymonkey79 · 09/03/2015 12:27

Not an AIBU, but desperate for advice and I know this is a busy board.

My DS1 is 13 months old. He has recently begun to go rigid and throw himself backwards onto the floor in temper while kicking his feet and screaming and shrieking as loud as possible. It can be for a variety of reasons. I leave the room we are in for a moment, or a toy isn't doing what he wants, he falls over when toddling about, and sometimes it can be generally feeling tired/teething/unwell.

This is my first and only child, and i have genuinely no clue how to deal with it. I don't really want to panda to him and make him think this behaviour will get him attention, but ignoring him makes him scream louder!

I know its a difficult age because they don't understand and cant be reasoned with. I just wonder if anybody had any advice or tips on nipping this in the bud!

Could this reaction to me leaving the room be a sign of separation anxiety? And if so, how can i deal with it sensitively?

Thanks

OP posts:

Treeceratops · 09/03/2015 12:36

DS has been doing this for the last few months. I try to calmly say 'no', ignore and repeat until it stops. So long as he's safe, he won't come to any harm. It's hard though.

Original poster

Chunkymonkey79 · 09/03/2015 12:40

Tell me about it! Hope it stops for you soon!

OP posts:

bookwormbeagle · 09/03/2015 12:40

Distraction techniques are your friend here, toddlers are pretty fickle so you can sometimes divert their attention elsewhere eg, look at that bus going past our window, wonder where the people are going etc.

To help with separation anxiety try playing peekaboo games so he starts to learn that you may disappear (behind cushion, under blanket) but you'll always come back.

bookwormbeagle · 09/03/2015 12:42

Ps I feel your pain, have a 15mo who is going through the same stage. Also she's mastered the shoulder drop when she doesn't want to be picked up, now that's annoying!

biffyboom · 09/03/2015 12:47

My 14mth old has started to add banging his head on the floor or wall into his tantrums. Controlled though, so it's gentle at the moment. I never know what the best reaction is, to ignore the behaviour or a stern 'no'? Hoping to get some tips from here!

Morelikeguidelines · 09/03/2015 12:53

Distraction is only way as your 13 month old does not "think" anything coherent.

Allstoppedup · 09/03/2015 12:54

I was surprised that DS started tantrumming so early (11 months). It's both horrible and very funny all rolled into one!

As PP said I find a nice mix of distraction and ignoring seems to work well, DS is 15 months now and they aren't as frequent or dramatic now as the first few months. If distraction doesn't work, I check that the space is safe and just ignore until he calms down, then I tend to talk to him after about how he was angry/upset so he can begin to recognise the emotions and tell him that it's ok to feel that way etc, its hard but I try to stay as upbeat as possible too, particularly when 'ignoring' a bad one!

I'm sure he will ramp them up again for the terrible twos though!

MissMuesli · 09/03/2015 14:01

We cuddled it out here or we distracted. Being a toddler is hard. Things are t dinky, you are never, allowed to stand on the door, touch the oven etc etc. I found that most of the time it was just emotions getting too much and she just needed some love. Also often the tantrums were tiredness so a cuddle is helpful in having some wind down time. As she got bigger we still had cuddles but mixed in the distraction too. Wouldn't work for all children but it worked for us, at 4 she is generally pretty reasonable!

Original poster

Chunkymonkey79 · 09/03/2015 14:19

Thanks for some reassuring words and great ideas

OP posts:

TheMShip · 09/03/2015 14:26

It does ease up. We went through a period of this around the same time with DS (now 2.9), and later with the banging his head against the wall. We chose to ignore the behaviour after checking he was safe, then when he was done the tantrum we'd give lots of cuddles and reassurance. It eventually slowed down and stopped (about 5 or 6 months, maybe?) and the method wasn't particularly difficult. YMMV.

jeanmiguelfangio · 09/03/2015 14:37

I am an ignorer and a distracter. I pretty much say ok, when you have finished we can have a cuddle/snack/play/put a particular programme on, and then leave it until she stops.
If she wants to throw a wobbly she is more than welcome, but it's still my way in the end!!
They are just getting so independent and learning what they can and can't do, pushing boundaries. Drives me mad, but I'm hoping she will grow out of it

Original poster

Chunkymonkey79 · 09/03/2015 19:55

Thanks a lot guys, so helpful x

OP posts:

GymBum · 09/03/2015 20:33

Sorry I can't help much but so glad to have read this thread. You are not alone. DD 14 months has started throwing little strops. Tends to happen if she doesn't get to walk in the direction she wants. She is still holding onto one finger when walking. When she gets angry she will stand on the spot, her whole body goes really stiff, she clenches her little fists and kind of growls.

I wasn't sure if tantrums could start so early and thanks to your thread I realise it does. I have been trying distraction techniques which work sometimes but I am also conscious that as she gets older I don't want her thinking this behaviour is acceptable.

MrsMook · 09/03/2015 21:16

Ds1 started before his first birthday. He'd look at you, scream and bash his head on the floor. He very quickly worked out that carpet was full throttle, wood, butt with caution and tiles, pause an inch of the ground then gently tap while still screaming in rage. He's struggled with talking and expressing himself so tantrums were a regular feature of the day until he got more articulate at 3 1/2.

I tend to go for distract or ignore. Late into Ds2's pregnancy, ignore was one of my few options, particularly in public areas as I couldn't pick him up or bend down anyway.

DS2 is approaching his 2nd birthday and hasn't got to that stage yet.

DramaAlpaca · 09/03/2015 21:27

DS1 was an early tantrummer, starting at about 12 months. He used to behave just as the OP says & I remember being shocked, as I didn't think tantrums started that early. He once got so cross he held his breath & passed out, which terrified me. I think a lot of it was down to frustration, and distraction was the best way I found to deal with it.

It might be reassuring to hear that once he started talking the tantrums reduced, and he didn't really go through the Terrible Twos as much as I expected him to given his early dedication to the art of throwing a tantrum

I am pleased to say that once he grew out of the tantrum stage he turned into a very laid back child & teenager thank goodness

trappedinsuburbia · 09/03/2015 23:09

Is it bad to be laughing reading this, especially when they know how hard to bang their head depending on the surface!
Dd is 20 months now and been doing this since a young age. I usually step over her and ignore or distract while trying not to laugh. I have perfected the picking up when she goes 'floppy' especially as she likes to do that when outside when the ground is wet. I dont stress as she shrieks enough for both of us when i stop her doing some kamikazee type activity

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