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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WHY? goes in the swear jar

23 replies

Discoverthetasteoftheblue · 09/03/2015 10:54

NC as identifiable

Would someone BU or NBU to put the word 'why?' in the swear jar?

So you tell a child they need a bath or to pick coat up or finish their peas and they say "why?", then their name goes in the family swear jar as "why?" is now classed as answering back

OP posts:

Feminine · 09/03/2015 11:02

I'll bet those kids have been saying it too much.
The 'swear' jar is probably an 'exasperation' jar in that home.

EveBoswell · 09/03/2015 11:04

No, I wouldn't. The word 'why?' is how children increase their knowledge.

Why do we have to look both ways when crossing the road?
Why do dogs poo outside?
Why are elephants so big?
Why do you cook potatoes?
Why do we wear shoes when others in hot countries don't?
Why do we write with pens and pencils when we can type?
Wjy do we get snow?

Eternity48 · 09/03/2015 11:05

'Why' means that the child is trying to communicate and make conversation, to discipline a child for doing this is ridiculous IMO.

Why anyone would think that using this word would be worthy of using a swear jar is beyond me.

SaucyJack · 09/03/2015 11:05

The word "tricky" is in our metaphorical swear jar.

I banned it one morning after DD1 threw a five minute benny over it being too tricky to pull her pants up from around her ankles.

TheMoa · 09/03/2015 11:08

Its all about context.

Even my three year old knows better than to use 'why' as back chat/time wasting.

'Why' in normal questioning is fine, and they know it.

BertieBotts · 09/03/2015 11:15

Oh god DS and I would be broke if we did this! Drives DH mad! DS says "Why" to everything including stuff like "Would you like to watch TV, while eating ice cream, and then go to a theme park?"

youmakemydreams · 09/03/2015 11:16

Depends on the age of the child. A small child entering the why stage nope that is about conversation and learning about the world around them.
A 9 and nearly 12 year old asking why everytime they get an answer they don't like absolutely. I told dd I was banning the word why from the house because everytime I said no to something when she bloody knows why it makes me

TheFecklessFairy · 09/03/2015 11:18

"Why?"

"Why do YOU think it is?"

Works wonders.....and makes their minds work overtime

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 09/03/2015 11:18

I have never had a "why" child, like george pig, but i can see it winding me up.

Original poster

Discoverthetasteoftheblue · 09/03/2015 11:20

Child is 4.

Swear jar is for adults swearing and DC swearing or using banned words, "why" being one of them.

DC get docked pocket money according to how many times their name is in the jar at the end of the week

OP posts:

PannaDoll · 09/03/2015 11:22

I thought every child went through a standard questioning 'why' phase. I distinctly remember some of the answers I used to get from my mother 'because I said so', 'because Y's a crooked letter and Z's no better', etc. Didn't ever stop me asking. I think you would confuse the issue of swearing and questioning. How old is the child?

p.s. it used to hiss me off that my mother answered evasively when I was genuinely curious about something

FarFromAnyRoad · 09/03/2015 11:22

Is this your arrangement or that of someone you know? Either way I'm afraid it's ridiculous. Swearing is swearing and to be discouraged if that's how you want to do it. 'Why' is not a swearword on any planet. Backchat is something else entirely so why not get a 'backchat' jar?

TheMoa · 09/03/2015 11:23

Is it your family, are you fretting about another?

Horses for courses, if it works - great! And it will be a funny story for the children to tell when they grow up

Original poster

Discoverthetasteoftheblue · 09/03/2015 11:25

Can I be all evasive and annoying and not say who's family it is just yet?

Please don't ask why?

OP posts:

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 09/03/2015 11:25

maybe i didn't have a why child because i fully answered their questions, and insisted they listen to the whole answer, and then they had to answer questions to ensure they understood.
I bet that put them off :)

youmakemydreams · 09/03/2015 11:27

Ds2 is 4 and I'm not sure I would ban it for him. That may be a little young for me still. i think 4 is a bit of a learning curve and pushing the boundaries phase because they are finally aware that there are boundaries to push and parents buttons to press. Also docking pocket money is pointless at that age. Ds2 has no real idea of the value of his pocket money yet so he would neither notice nor care if he had lost some. He still thinks £3 has to be made of 3 coins and a £2 coin and a £1 coin still takes a bit of explanation to him.

TheMoa · 09/03/2015 11:28

You can be evasive, as long as you agree to accept that what works for one family might not for another.

Only because your posts read as though you are either being judgy, or are being judged, about something that is not a big deal .

MildDrPepperAddiction · 09/03/2015 11:29

That's a ridiculous idea. All that does is stamp out a child's natural inquisitiveness.

I hope this isn't your home op. It's a shitty thing to do to a child IMO.

DoJo · 09/03/2015 12:01

I wouldn't want to discourage someone from asking questions - there is usually a reason for everything and if you don't know, you can always look it up. My son's nearly 3 and 'why' comes out of his mouth every other word, but he is mostly genuinely curious about things and I am happy to explain when I can, and look things up with him or try to work things out when I can't. I can't imagine a 4 year old's understanding of the world is so developed that they never need to ask 'why' something happens, even if it does appear to be 'answering back'. Why not just tell them the answer instead of fining them for asking, if I can ask that without being condemned to the swear jar?!

Also, what is the adults' punishment for their names appearing in the swear jar? Do they also get their pocket money docked?

Original poster

Discoverthetasteoftheblue · 09/03/2015 13:40

It's my DD but at her dad's house.

We were at a rare event where both of us were together and DD answered something I said with 'why?'

Ex told her off and said to me "ah that's why she keeps doing it". I hadn't even noticed she says why if you ask or tell her to do something (not saying she is perfect but I just genuinely hadn't noticed)

Ex then explained that he thinks it's rude and she's 4 and should do what she's told when she's told my question why she should have to. I was a bit .

When I asked older DD at home she said younger DD gets put in tr swear jar everytime she says why at ex's.

I wanted a quick AIBU before I mentioned to him that I think it's unreasonable.

OP posts:

PannaDoll · 09/03/2015 13:54

He's definitely being unreasonable. Asking why about everything is what 4 year olds do. It can be maddening sure but it's not really misbehaving.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 09/03/2015 18:39

Your poor dd. Your ex is an arsehole.

BertieBotts · 09/03/2015 18:39

They say it without thinking. I can sort of see his logic - DS does it "Uggggh why do I always have to hang up my coat?" and it's annoying but hardly "fuck" or whatever.

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