to ask about break up etiquette

[BusyHomemaker]

Ex understandably wants stuff back. Sent me an arsey text asking me to leave bag with clothes, charger, beer (all two bottles) and a gift voucher he bought me for him to collect. Told me to bin everything else... I don't feel comfortable binning someone else's stuff. Also, don't want him outside the house today because if DD sees him it will be confusing. I do think it's a bit naff to ask for consumables back and also a gift voucher... Didn't ask for the other gifts to be returned. Would IBU for wanting this exchange on my terms a little? DB has already offered to drop his stuff off for me :(

Bag it up, including the stuff he doesn't want, and put it outside the house, and then go out when he is due to collect or get your brother to drop the whole lot off pronto. Cut these ties as soon as you can.

Don't do his dirty work binning selected stuff, just bag it all up. Not your job.

So he wants you to do his dirty work of sorting out all his belongings for him? Sod that.
If you don't want him to come to the house to do it himself (and I wouldn't) then, as others have said, bag up the whole lot - everything, including obvious rubbish in with 'good' stuff, and let him sort it all out himself.

Not sure I would return the gift voucher. It was a gift. Tell him you've spent it already if he quibbles about it.

Agree with what pp said. Bag it all, just stuff it all in messily, and he can decide what he wants. Keep the 'gift' voucher.

I agree, bag it all asks make sure the items he wants are dispersed into each bag!

I agree with previous posters- bag the lot up. It's not yours to sort. The gift voucher was given to you as a gift. You keep that.

Don't whatever you do act as I once did! My ex cheated on me with another woman and messed me around constantly when it came to picking his stuff up and made me sit around all day waiting for him only for him not to turn up.

When he finally did turn up to collect his things I'd washed all his dirty clothes and ironed them and put everything neatly in bags for him. I wish I'd just chucked the lot into bin bags and left it outside my house for him.

blue you seem much to lovely for your ex!

Don't spend the gift voucher - there's no need for you to be petty, even if he is. Return it along with everything else - it really isn't worth fighting about.

Is he being bitter because you hurt him and that's why you broke up?

If not he sounds like an arse and you're well rid.

Agree with above posters. Just bag it all up it's not your stuff to deal with. Regarding the gift voucher if it's something you really want just say you've spent it. If not just give it back. That's really childish of him though

The whole point of a gift voucher is that it is a gift, he doesn't get to ask for it back!

However, as others have said, it might be easier and annoy him more if you don't argue the toss over it. Put everything of his in a box and either drop it off at his or leave it somewhere you don't have to see him - is there a mutual friend who would look after it for you?

I did this with my ex, food he'd bought, all his clothes etc and also included Xmas gifts I'd bought in advance for him so that I wouldn't be tempted to contact him at Xmas. Make sure you include anything he might come back for in the future or which might remind you of him and make you regret splitting up!

It's just stuff - don't confuse it with something important. Don't fall into the trap of trying to score points or deliberately piss your ex off (as some posters are suggesting - how childish to say "put the stuff he really wants in different bags". That's just lame ). Your relationship is over now - just try to act with some class and get it over with as quickly as possible.

A friend of mine rented a storage unit, put all his stuff in it and then told him to collect it from there within a month or it would be destroyed. She REALLY didn't want to set eyes on him ever again! Thought that was pretty smart.

I put all of his things into a heavy duty carrier bag and left it outside my front door, as he requested. There was a lot less than I'd thought, he must have already taken some stuff home with him. I don't feel it's my place to throw out his possessions. I think he mainly wanted me to dispose of the things I had given him. But still, not my place. I didn't return the gift voucher, purely because it felt too obedient to his wishes and that makes me feel uncomfortable. I'll spend it on DD.

He's just been to collect his back and posted a posh bar of chocolate I gave him on Valentine's through the letter box!

I know he's hurting because it's the second time I broke up with him but the first time I unexpectedly (and it was terrible timing) blurted out the words "I'm not sure if we're right for each other" and he stormed out of the house. We both wanted to make it work but he admitted to smoking hallouciogenic drugs alone last week and that's just a deal breaker for me. I tried hard to be kind this time around and told him I realise I'm the bad guy in this and I really didn't mean to hurt him. I suppose he feels messed around.

Thanks for your replies, they've made me feel better about an pretty awkward situation.

Don't beat yourself up - you can end a relationship without either of you having to be the bad guy. You've done the right thing and he is allowed to be upset about that. Breakups rarely bring out the best in people, but sounds like you've got it over with the minimum hassle.

He smokes drugs and you have a young child? You did the right thing OP