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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughters wedding

25 replies

EllzJee · 08/03/2015 19:12

So trivial i know but keen to gain opinions or even perspective ...

Also apologise that this thread is similar to another.

To keep it short (not the end of the world but have found this to be a bit upsetting)..

Only daughter (who is my pride and joy) got married in October. Not a single photo of me with my daughter. The day went by very quickly as they do and it was a wonderful day. Dd wasnt overly happy with photog as he was v bossy and rushed pics. She is v upset at lack of photo as am i. Aibu - is this common?

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 08/03/2015 19:14

I didn't (due to oversight and too much happening) have one with just the two of us either.

And yes, I am a bit upset about it.

Lanaandmaria2014 · 08/03/2015 19:16

Depends on what it cost and what was asked, and who he was told to take photos of.

Mostlyjustaluker · 08/03/2015 19:17

Normally a photographer will ask for a list of group photographs before the day and most weddding magazine/ websites suggest this.

DoJo · 08/03/2015 19:17

Could you put out an appeal to the guests to see if any of them have a snap of the two of you? Often those are the nicest ones anyway...

paxtecum · 08/03/2015 19:19

When my DD got married I asked her to ask the photographer in advance to take a couple of photos of the bride and mum and also with mum's mum, ie three generations.

Traditionally wedding photographers take photos of certain groups of party and there should always be the bride with her Mum.

ApocalypseThen · 08/03/2015 19:20

I didn't get the photo I wanted with my mum on my wedding either. Nor did I get one with my bridesmaids or my little godsononephew who was my little ring bearer on the day.

By the time I realized (on honeymoon) it was too late. Think it's fairly common though.

Original poster

EllzJee · 08/03/2015 19:20

Thanks everyone.

Lana- not a cheap photog i dont think (about £1800? I think we paid). My daughter was explicit about wanting photos like these.

No other guests took photos of us. Was annoyed at my own mother (photos of every other tom, dick and harry but none of her gd the bride and me, her daughter, but nevermind!)

OP posts:

ipswichwitch · 08/03/2015 19:21

We didn't manage to get one with just us and DS - didn't help he was recovering from a nasty virus and spent most of the day screaming. We are disappointed about that, but have got a nice pic of him at the reception tucking into a massive scone, as taken by my step-dad, so I second the suggestion of asking the other guests.

Marylou2 · 08/03/2015 19:22

Why not arrange a studio session with a good photographer as a treat for you both. A chance to wear your outfit/wedding dress again, hair and makeup done and some beautiful photos taken of the two of you together.

ipswichwitch · 08/03/2015 19:22

Sorry x-post there.

Original poster

EllzJee · 08/03/2015 19:23

Such a shame isnt it? Tons of pics of obscure things but nothing of nearest and dearest - and crucially even my daughter and her lovely h in a straightforward, front-on pose?!

OP posts:

EponasWildDaughter · 08/03/2015 19:23

YANBU to be upset about no photo with your DD. Did no one at the wedding do a few amateur snaps you could have a copy of?

Our photographer was very expensive so we had him do the 'big shots' (car, venue, big groups, special effect shots of DH and i) but everyone paired up with me and DH or just me or just DH for a 'just us and them' snap at some point during the day.

We then took the best of those and made a secondary album to the posh 'arty' one we got from the photographer. Love both albums equally.

sooperdooper · 08/03/2015 19:24

I didn't get a photo of me & my mum on my wedding day either, our photographer was given a list and ignored most of it, I was too musy to notice until we got the photos back

Annoying, but not uncommon it seems :(

EponasWildDaughter · 08/03/2015 19:24

Sorry, massive x post.

hellospring · 08/03/2015 19:27

Same happened to me at my wedding. It wasn't on the 'list' and we jut didn't think to ask for it. I have group family photos with my mum on but not just me and my mum.

EponasWildDaughter · 08/03/2015 19:28

I second the idea of dressing up and having a few shots done now.

Not quite as good as on the day, i know, but in 10 years when you both look different, fashion has changed and you've forgotten most of the minor details of the actual day, you'll look back at them just as fondly.

Original poster

EllzJee · 08/03/2015 19:30

Sorry to hear this is a common problem. My daughter has been upset about it and she is a very easy going person.

I wasnt aware that this kind of thing would happen, surely its quite an obvious thing to take. Also no pics of my new sil and his lovely mum together either.

OP posts:

londonrach · 08/03/2015 19:31

No photo of mil at my wedding as my mum had breast cancer at the time and my mil had taken it on herself to help. She was everywhere but where the photographer was. Very upset by this as love my mil. My dsis has no photo of her dh and herself on her wedding day without other people! Its not uncommon to have photos missing important members. Wedding days happen quickly. I know of one of my friends who got all family members to redress is clothes and get photos retaken due to missing people. And plans dont work if that person isnt around when you need them!

JADS · 08/03/2015 19:35

I have a photo of myself, mum and dad and myself plus sisters but none of our entire family.

When it comes to dh's family, we have every fricking permutation of random 2nd cousins. I made the list and none of these groups were on it. Dh and I agreed a short photo list plus lots of reportage shots of guests. Mil intervened. Sadly the reportage side suffered really badly as we had so many group shots.

It happens more commonly than you think. Any photos you can crop others out of?

Smize · 08/03/2015 19:36

I don't have a photo of just me and my mum at my wedding either even though it was one of the shots I'd asked for. My photographer even neglected to take a pic of my mum and bridesmaid arriving at the church in the bridal car. I didn't realise on the day and was really upset when I saw the final photos. I understand why you're upset, and your daughter too - but the day just goes by in a blur and unfortunately these things seem to happen.

shakemysilliesout · 08/03/2015 19:40

Happened to my mum at sisters wedding. So I was clued up on this for my wedding. Mob are so busy I think and are taking care of everyone else! Bet u were a great mob though

EveBoswell · 08/03/2015 19:44

Surely, if you give a list of preferred photograph groups to the photographer and he/she accepts it, the contract has been broken? You engaged the photographer to take specific photos and they were not taken. you might well be able to get at least a reduction in the price - if you were to pay after you received the photos.

In future, give the photographer a list of groups of which you want photos and get him / her to sign not only that copy but one for you to keep.

mygrandchildrenrock · 08/03/2015 19:56

On my youngest DDs wedding, I asked for a photograph of her, her siblings and parents. When else do you all get dressed up at the same time? Her new DH thought it was really odd not to have him in too! (I didn't!)
I think it is quite common too but doesn't make it any the less annoying. I would second going to the studio to have some done.

deste · 08/03/2015 20:11

I could have written your post in fact I had to check it wasn't our wedding. My DD got married a couple of weeks ago. She didn't want formal photos and as you say the day goes past so quickly but there are photos of everyone, families, individuals. There are nine photos of the in laws in every form, shape and description. Another six with his brother his wife and children and others with his entire family. There is one photo of me with a friend, one sitting at the table with my DH and a bridesmaid and some on the dance floor. At the time I thought I was going along with what she wanted until I saw the photos. You would think the photographer must have wondered if the bride had a mother. I mentioned it to my daughter and she said she didn't want formal photos anyway. I just think in twenty, thirty years time when we might not be here her children would be wondering why we weren't in the photos. The thing is we will never get this time back again. I still keep thinking about it.

Waffles80 · 08/03/2015 20:28

This might be a bit bonkers but...could you put the same clothes back on / do hair and restage a few close up shots of your heads / shoulders with a background that could feasibly be that day? It might work?

It's sad, though. Our photographer was a family friend and while I love some of the shots, I realise now I should have been more specific about where they were taken. We got married in the Lakes and he chose some bushes as background for the group shots and they're really boring. Also didn't take as many "candid" ones as I had hoped!

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