AIBU to despair about basically all baby toys and books?

[BestZebbie]

I suspect IABU but this has just stuck out like a sore thumb today - why are seemingly all baby toys and books totally unrealistic in their depictions of pretty much everything? Not just simplified, but actively inaccurate, often in actually quite a dangerous or negative way.

For example, today:

• We read a book about a tiger, a lion and a crocodile who are lovely friendly animals who just want to play with you and give out hugs. Incidentally they all lived in a 'jungle' with a polar bear and a kangaroo.
• We read a book about some dinosaurs, most of which weren't even actually dinosaurs at all, and very very few of which lived even slightly at the same time.
• We sang some lovely traditional nursery rhymes from a CD that covered poor-shaming, mockery of other peoples, fear of spiders (not tigers or crocodiles!) and finally that if you find an old man who doesn't say his prayers you should throw him down the stairs!
• We did a puzzle showing some lovely happy clean farm animals free ranging together in a beautiful sunny farmyard with their babies next to them, smiling, which is definitely how food is produced.

etc etc

Yy you can expect giraffes to dance to any old shite.

I have to be honest, I find a lot of baby books pretty random and boring storylines with abrupt endings, for example, our bedtime story tonight - the little boy's monkey teddy Pippo (anyone remember Pippo?) got muddy and had to go in the wash. That was it. I swear there was more to it when I was a kid.
DS was riveted by it though.

I feel sorry for Gerald the Giraffe - they all pick on him and make him sad, and it's only when he kicks their arses on the dancefloor they all suddenly forget what dicks they are and want to be his friend.

Maybe switch to poetry?

There is a great one about how the camel blows up his hump. Pretty sure it's factual.

HE BLOWS IT UP WITH A BICYCLE PUMP

Slithy- your post just made me lol! As I scrolled down and your punch line hit me in capitals. Very funny!

Perhaps you'd like to read "the very hungover caterpillar", or "we're going on a bar hunt", op? They are CERTAINLY factual, and will prepare your pfb for life as an adult! Everyone's a winner!

I completely agree. They should be far more realistic, just like these.
www.thepoke.co.uk/2015/03/06/10-realistic-kids-books-covers/

Zippidydoodah: If the last page of the very hungry caterpillar said something like 'and then the cocoon split and there was a beautiful baby but the cocoon had to have a lot of stitches to mend it again' it could be a documentary about pregnancy*. :)

*ime, not universally, etc

what does the op think of these ideas ? she seems to have left the party to us die hards propping up the kitchen counters swigging the last dregs of vino and eating the left over sausage rolls...hic...pass the gin...bestest mate.

sorry, she's just popped back.

I don't like inaccurate animal toys where its difficult to work out what it's inetended to be because the shape/colour is wrong. I also dislike things that aren't too scale.

Don't underestimate the power of children's telly. Between Mr Benn and Bagpuss I can see the formation of my adult opinions!

My one genuine gripe - well, more a gripette - with baby books is that the first time Ds went to an actual zoo he was totally 'meh'. Lions, tigers (and bears, oh my!) were his normally iyswim. DH and I were all 'ooh giraffes,' and he was all 'and? Are they dancing? No? Meh.'

Yes I agree.

Most books read like they're written by adults on crack

As for toys, most of them are ridiculously priced for what they are. When my DS was small I did buy into the "toy" market but also gave him a collection of "real" objects to play with and guess what was the most popular. Yep, the real things.

I have a vivid memory still of going to my nans and playing with her tin of buttons for hours.

Imagination - it's not logical. Thank fuck.

Have you read "Mog and the Baby"? If Mrs Thomas was a childminder someone would have called Ofsted for sure!
Read a simple version of Black Beauty to a 4.5 yr old tonight. Had to skip whole swathes of it due to the realism. Time enough for them to learn that humans are horrible.
Took 2.5 yr old to local woods this am - unprompted she started mincing along looking for a 'tiger in the jungle'....

Zippidydoodah
"we're going on a bar hunt" - the perfect typo to describe my post bedtime story antics!

It's The Very Hungry Caterpillar which annoys me.

1. Eric Carle got the butterfly wings upside-down.
2. Butterfly caterpillars don't make cocoons; any beautiful butterfly came out of a chrysalis.

No, I don't care if there's one species out there that makes cocoons. It's still misinformation!

The Quangle Wangle's Hat, now that's an episode in imagination, and nobodies telling me Lear is rubbish!

Read 'Stanley & the Lion' (poem, on you tube) if you want a good zoo story. loved this when I was a kid, still do.

Elephant and the bad baby really used to worry me. Even labelling the baby as bad freaked me out - possibly because it was a present from my mother who is big into labelling everyone age 2 and then writing them off forever.
OP, I hate to say it but you may have to have more children. This is a dangerous sign that you are still able to use your brain and question the status quo. Twins should sort that ...

Stick to Shirley Hughes -charming depictions of middle class life !

Lol, I had to laugh hard at the polar bear in the jungle comments.
I've actually got a book coming out this Sunday (sorry for the plug, but it just fitted here so well) about a polar bear in the jungle. But she's there because her mom got relocated. So it follows a logic. And all the other animals she meets are only to be found in Africa. Though.... I do have a blue monkey....

I love reading all your comments. As a picture book author/illustrator it's really fun to see the Mom's perspective.

Yeah!
Why do they never make 12 piece jigsaws of day old live male chicks being conveyer belted into a mincer?

Niche in the market!

"The tiny pedant's book of insects" (no spiders in here!)
"Peter and Jane buy smack."
"Bobby the dinosaur and the K/T extinction event." In which our hero Bobby the dinosaur and everyone he has ever known or loved die slowly and painfully in the nuclear winter that follows an asteroid hit. With full illustration and baby friendly pages!

You don't live in cardiff do you? You sound Exactly like a very good friend of mine :)

Red autumn...is that the 'orses 'rad 'andle one? Brilliant :)