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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to call in sick for the second time in 9 yrs

28 replies

whatisforteamum · 07/03/2015 19:23

Thursday i woke up feeling awful achy and exhausted.Our DD was ill last week and we ended up calling 111 as she had chest pains and dh had a heart attack so did both his parents.
I dragged myself into work and did my 12 hr day but it was a struggle.
I messaged 2 colleagues both said they were busy eventhough ive offered to cover one girl so she can attend a funeral next week and she had most of last week sick.I asked her fri and she was going out again.
My team leader told me he wouldnt moan on if he was ill or in pain which is harsh considering he knows my Dad is having ct and bone scans to check his terminal cancer and is on chemo.
They also know ive doubled my hrs to cover hols the last few weeks getting home at 1 am sometimes.
On fri i managed to cover half my 12 hr day and got a text what time would i be in i then phoned in sick as 2 people were on which is how we ran it the last few weeks.
I know as ive been there how the other girl has been slagged off as she has called in 9 times in 9 months and been spoken to about it as we have to cover her.
I have an awful feeling my name will be mud in the eyes of this single guy who has no understanding of 3 loved ones who ve been v ill and i always go the extra mile at work.AIBU or is this guy being unreasonable as i missed my wed anniversary last sun to cover the other girl .I dont feel 2 occasions in 9 yrs much (last time was couple of weeks)

OP posts:

schokolade · 07/03/2015 19:26

Christ just call in sick. You are not well. All the rest is a bit irrelevant really.

306235388 · 07/03/2015 19:29

Hang on. I'm confused - are you too ll to work? If so call in sick .

I don't understand about wedding anniversaries and Sick family members. I understand it's worrying and distressing but I don't get how it impacts on your decision.

Humansatnav · 07/03/2015 19:30

IM like you , I never call in sick. Weds I felt awful & said I had to go home. They coped. Phone in.

UncommonSense · 07/03/2015 19:35

Exactly what 90210 says.

If you are sick, call in sick. I feel sad for you if you need strangers on the internet to tell you that.

The rest of your post is not really relevant at all. If you are daft enough too miss your Anniversary to cover others then you really aren't in a position to moan about it.

Buxtonstill · 07/03/2015 19:50

Just call in sick. I'm sorry to hear you're unwell, and that your Dad is so sick.
Playing the martyr won't mean you get better any quicker.

TendonQueen · 07/03/2015 19:53

You're ill and clearly you don't take the piss calling in sick all the time. So just do it now when you really need to
Stop covering shifts for other people. They clearly take it for granted and don't intend to return the favour.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 07/03/2015 20:01

If you're ill, ring in sick. Everyone will say the same I assume.

The title suggests you know that YANBU. I agree that being the work martyr is utterly pointless and ultimately makes you dissatisfied with your colleagues taking advantage of it.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 07/03/2015 20:21

sorry i made my post too long...we are SUPPOSED to be a team.You cannot run a kitchen/hotel/restuarant without chefs or waitresses.
The newish girl has no sense of team spirit (bang goes me doing her shift again so she can attend a friends funeral).
I did refuse an extra last min shift last week as i was shopping for my mother and needed a break from worrying about my dying dad and unemployed teen.Also the days are long and tiring.I got a text back that the other guy was on annual leave and wasnt happy he had to work it as he lives in.Hence the fact i worked sunday to show team spirit and im not
selfish.
The last time i was off they cut my hours too eventhough i had a doctors note.

OP posts:

queenofthepirates · 07/03/2015 20:26

Let me put it another way; if you go in with a bug and pass it round the kitchen, no one will be pleased. Just go back to bed and come back when you are 100%

UncommonSense · 07/03/2015 20:30

I know you think you are being a team player, but the reality is you are being a doormat.

The others have all got used to you dropping everything to cover - that is why they are now pissed off when you can't.

Fuck 'em, do your hours and look after yourself for a while.

meglet · 07/03/2015 20:30

good lord. call in sick and if possible job hunt.

TendonQueen · 07/03/2015 20:35

OK, so cross the new girl off your favours list. Who texted you saying the guy who took the extra shift was unhappy? Whoever it was, they've got you sussed as someone who can be easily guilt tripped. Have a close look at who picks up most of these last minute / extra shifts at unpopular times. And think seriously about looking for another job where your colleagues aren't quite such miserable gits.

FrancesNiadova · 07/03/2015 20:46

Oh op, look after your family & yourself, that's all that matters

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 07/03/2015 20:50

it was the guy who was on leave. He is temp head chef.I pointed out that i have enough on my plate and he needs to speak to the girl in question not put pressurre on me.
I have been frantically job hunting for over 1 yr and have been offered jobs.TBH i thought my past track record would stand me in good stead when mum and dad who both have cancer pass away.I thought a new employer would see it in a bad light if i needed time off at all.I have a faultless track record for time keeping.
The others are half my age and have no partners/DCS to look after.I need to leave though i just need to find out Dads prognosis on thurs first.

OP posts:

TendonQueen · 07/03/2015 21:10

I hope you get as good news as you can on Thurs then OP. In the meantime I would go in and do your job when well, take any other shifts only if it suits you and not if you have to give up anything else, and ignore any and all texts you get trying to manipulate you.

Tobyjugg · 07/03/2015 21:18

You cannot run a kitchen/hotel/restuarant without chefs or waitresses

And nobody wants a kitchen/hotel/restuarant where the guests get infected because the staff are at work when they should be off sick.

Ring in sick. You owe it to yourself and your guests.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 07/03/2015 21:25

Thank you all for replying and TendonQueen i have a 50:50 feel about thurs as he has been in alot of pain and had more than double the yr prognosis for his cancer.Mum has far exceed expectations though.He has just redecorated to make the house sellable.
I know i need to not be so considerate of others i cant help it as i would like someone to help me if i was having a hard time (which i am).
I feel a bit more like me after 21 hrs sleep and ready to accept the news if Dads cancer is in his bones or the chemo isnt working as i will ever be.Meanwhile no more 41 hr weeks for me and goodness help any sarky comments on monday !! :)

OP posts:

mommy2ash · 07/03/2015 21:25

i mean this in the best possible way quit being the martyr and acting like a doormat for these people. if you are constantly doing other favours and you feel they will complain if you are off sick then they clearly don't appreciate it.

ilovesooty · 07/03/2015 21:27

Just ring in sick and stop bothering about other people.

ilovesooty · 07/03/2015 21:28

I mean other people at work of course, not your family.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 07/03/2015 21:37

Hope the news about your dad is as positive as possible, OP.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 07/03/2015 21:49

I think i put too much emphasis on being a good worker.My DCs think im a workaholic my Dh was too before his heart attack.WE dont earn much so we are prepared to put in the hrs and forgo luxuries.Doing what we can has made us too dependable and taken for granted.Low self esteem too i guess

OP posts:

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/03/2015 22:38

You seem to be everyone's support.. At work and at home....

You are I'll and you've multiple caring responsibilities for very ill close relatives...

At what point are you going to allow yourself some time off??

CrazyCatLady13 · 07/03/2015 23:07

You need to take care of yourself. Better a couple of days here and now, than needing weeks / months off with exhaustion or depression. Please, don't let the users at work make you feel guilty.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 07/03/2015 23:14

true my Dh is working but has been struggling with medication and anger the last yr.Then he had ED.
Our DD had to drop out of Alevels due to poor grades so ive taken her for interviews.
My parents are fiercley independant but have both struggled with Dads reccurrance and hospitals passing the buck.(plus Mum is on 4 monthly checks for her cancer)
Ds is in exam yr....Amazing i havent had a flu bug before really!!
my chosen job doesnt give me the same days off as my family very often.

OP posts:

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