To be annoyed

[Ardha]

I asked my in-laws if they could sit with my son whilst I went to work - teaching a class for 2 hours tops. He was ill so not at school. Funnily enough lots of grandparents attend the class and frequently miss their class due to looking after grandchildren or their parents.
My in-laws had other plans, both of them.
Then, last night, I was out & recieve a text from MIL, could I send her an email as she wasn't sure her email was working. I replied I couldn't as I wasn't at home, suggested she try her son (my OH), oh, no, she didn't want to bother him.
OK, these 2 situations, although they happened close together are unrelated but I was left feeling so unimportant by that response. Like They could bother me, out of everyone they know, for help that they wouldn't dream of asking anyone else for but, when it comes to helping me, no, they are too busy socialising.
Unfortunately I don't have a great many people around to call on for help, I have to rely on them.

Those both sound like non problems to be tbh unless there's a lot of background you're not elaborating on.

You asked them to sit but they had plans. That's fair enough. Do they use that reason all the time or do they babysit your child other times?

As for the email thing she maybe didn't mean right there and then and just meant when you had a second? She also might have thought you were in the house when it would have taken ten seconds to do.

Honestly not seeing the issues...

A) they were busy so couldn't help you out. It sounds like you expect them to drop everything to help you. Your DS is your child, not their responsibility.
B) is it really such an issue she feels happier asking you to email her?

My mil is the same - will call me about something nothing during the day but if I suggest calling DH she'll say oh no I don't want to disturb him at work. The fact that I'm being paid to look after 3, sometimes 6 children (childminder ) doesn't register as work as it's "just like I used to do with DH & all the neighbours kids popping in" It used to bother me but after 15 years I'm not going to fall out over it or change her view ie the men do the proper work & us little ladies help out where we can

YABU. You can't expect them to drop their plans to help you with childcare. You can ask, but on this occasion they said no.

The email thing is a complete non-issue and you're reading too much into it.

Oh but I don't think you can be annoyed that they couldn't sit with DC if they had plans. Different if they just refused without good reason but why should they cancel their plans to allow you to go out (albeit to work)

Sorry, I don't think that it is unreasonable for them not to babysit if they already had plans. But yes it is terribly rude that she would bother you and not her son!

I can understand why you feel the way you do.

I'd say, it properly isn't what you think & try just accepting it & moving on my councillor would say, if that's what you think, check it out"

Yes, there is history, of course there is.
It just grated with me that my OH is far too important to bother about her email even though he has email on his 'phone, I don't.

YABU about the babysitting, they shouldn't have to drop everything for you.

The email thing is just odd.

Were you also working when she contacted you about the email thing?

I'm with cupid Honestly don't see any biggie here. I'd file both under 'that's life' really.

Even with history, whatever it is, if they had plans on the day you needed help, then that's just bad luck. The email thing just wouldn't register as anything of note.

So YABU really. I'd just move on, OP.

The history must be pretty bad for these two things to annoy you - as others have said, there's no requirement on them to drop their plans to provide childcare for you, and if they didn't want to disturb your son while he was working and you weren't then that's not exactly disrespectful.

Citing these two incidents makes it hard to work out whether you have taken offence at a number of similar small-fry things, or whether these are just the straws that broke the camels back after some much more serious transgressions from them. I think you will have to elucidate.

With the email OP, she may simply be more comfortable asking you for favours as you're comfortable asking her for them. She might be reluctant to ask your DP if he's ever dismissive of small things like that or is ever irritable with her. Or if he has a lot of meetings as part of his job. I honestly think it would be quite bizarre for her to have put any real thought into whether yours or your DP's time is more important.

I was going out with a friend when I got the message, OH was at home, relaxing.
MIL runs around after her own daughter letting her dog out, when she is at work, pickiNg up her 18year old from work in the middle of the night. I asked for help getting my son to hospital last year when it was raining he was in plaster, on crutches and she had no plans but didnt want to help so I used a taxi.
TBH I didnt expect her to come sit with my son when he was ill, but it would have saved me a lot of expense.
I'm not comfortable asking my in-laws for help, although they offer to help if ever I need it, when I actually do they clearly don't want to but rather than directly saying 'no' tell me lots of reasons why they probably cannot.

YABU about the childcare unless you were helping them out a lot with housework, errands etc. YANBU with the attitude that it's ok to potentially bother you but not their own son. That would bother me too.

Babysitting - YABU
Email - YANBU