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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel guilty?

26 replies

PiperChapstick · 07/03/2015 09:02

DD (22 months) goes to nursery 2 days a week whilst I work. I have her about 95% of the rest of the time completely on my own (DH works crazy long hours and we don't have a lot of family around to babysit if we need it). Every 6 weeks or so I book a day off while she's at nursery so I can have a 'me' day. I'll go shopping, maybe get my hair done or just lay in bed and watch films and lurk on MN.

A few people have said they couldn't do this as they'd feel guilty.

AIBU to not feel the least bit guilty and enjoy every minute?

OP posts:
londonrach · 07/03/2015 09:04

No enjoy every moment. Whats to feel guilty about your dc is being cared for! Dsis does the same to now and honestly its better for her dc as they get a relaxed mum.

timeforacheckup · 07/03/2015 09:06

I do this, it saves my sanity!

Charlotte3333 · 07/03/2015 09:07

One of the hardest things about being a parent is the endless-ness (is that even a word?) of it all. It is constant. Nobody pats you on the back and congratulates you for surviving a bad night, nobody clocks in after 12 hours and says "I'll take it from here", and that can leave you mentally and physically drained.

Enjoy your little breaks, take time out to do what you like occasionally and don't feel even remotely guilty. The happier you are the easier it is to parent. And don't believe those people who say they couldn't do it, they're probably just jealous that you are confident enough to put yourself first occasionally.

sosix · 07/03/2015 09:08

Nothing to feel guilty about enjoy!

MotorbikeInTheDark · 07/03/2015 09:09

Don't be silly! Of course you need a 'me' day. Enjoy it!

The only complaint I would make to you is that it is only once every six weeks. I used to do it once a week, and look forward to doing so again in a few months (work/ child care arrangements temporarily changed).

Zippidydoodah · 07/03/2015 09:09

What they all said! One day to yourself every six weeks or so is nothing. Plus you are with her five days a week, every week! Don't feel guilty!

GlitzAndGigglesx · 07/03/2015 09:13

I wouldn't feel guilty. When my dd was at pre school she went on one of my days off because the nursery required 2 days minimum and we only really needed her there for one day. She loved it there and never came home sad

littleblackno · 07/03/2015 09:13

I've always done this since my dcs were babies. My kids are 7 and 9 now and i deliberately keep some of my leave to take off during school time. When else do i get My hair Done, catch up with friends, do a marathon box set watching, have day time sex with dp?!!

Never feel guilty for doing something that makes your life easier.

Nolim · 07/03/2015 09:15

Enjoy your me time. There is nothing to feel guilty about.

popalot · 07/03/2015 09:16

nope, no guilt. Do it and enjoy it.

editthis · 07/03/2015 09:17

You are absolutely NBU. You are still a person in your own right as well as a mother, it's your time off to spend as you wish! It doesn't mean you don't thoroughly enjoy your time with your children if you also cherish a few hours to yourself; the two can be mutually inclusive. And if it makes you happy and relaxed I'm sure it makes you a better mother too (it would for me!). Enjoy it!

HedgehogsDontBite · 07/03/2015 09:20

My DS goes for 3 x 5 hour sessions a week and I don't even work. I don't feel guilty at all.

thatsucks · 07/03/2015 09:23

Why would you feel guilty and why would you care what other busy bodies think?

You didn't need to put the bit about being with your child 95% of the time either - it's ok to spend whatever time and whatever childcare you feel works for you and your family you know.

We don't have to martyr ourselves because we are mothers.

Enjoy your lovely 'me' days!

Topseyt · 07/03/2015 09:24

Enjoy and do not feel guilty. I would bet good money that many if those criticising are secretly a bit envious anyway.

I sometimes used to do similar when my eldest was at a daycare nursery, some 20 years ago now.

At your daughter's age it is unlikely she is even aware of it.

tobysmum77 · 07/03/2015 09:25

Of course you shouldn't feel guilty. Imo guilt should be reserved for murder, rape and nasty crimes. Not for doing your best for yourself and your child.

HeisenbergsBlueMeth · 07/03/2015 09:26

I wouldn't feel guilty either, the last Friday in every month i don't have to work, so when DS2 is in nursary i do fuck all for the day. I purposely put him in on Fridays for that reason

MrsMaker83 · 07/03/2015 09:28

Yanbu atall. I do this too.

It keeps me saneGrin

MaryWestmacott · 07/03/2015 09:28

Don't feel guilty, we did this too when DC1 was in nursery, why not use it when you are paying for it?

MsAspreyDiamonds · 07/03/2015 09:29

Don't feel guilty at all. I used to at first but quickly got used to the idea.

Remember if it was a bloke in your position, he wouldn't be posting about his guilt on the internet. To be a better parent you do need time out to recharge and reflect. As others have said above, you just get too involved with the life's dramas to come up for air.

Fairenuff · 07/03/2015 09:29

What would they actually feel guilty about?

Idontseeanysontarans · 07/03/2015 09:33

I work as a CM at the moment and in September when DD2 goes into the local nursery class part time it will he the first time in 4 years I won't have a child at home in the mornings.
Have a guess what I will be doing on the day of her first full session Grin
Newspapers, nice breakfast, pj's and back to bed I go!!
YANBU at all.

keepsmiling2015 · 07/03/2015 09:36

You should not feeling guilty! Enjoy ??

MrsWooster · 07/03/2015 09:45

a lot of my PND is because I am an arse and did /do feel guilty. At vast personal and financial cost (therapy) I am just managing to be able to have the tiniest bits of me time which will save my sanity (such as it is) and benefit the kids too. stick to your guns and pity the critics!

gamerchick · 07/03/2015 09:47

Na man that's smart. Carry on we all need some down time to keep us sane.

BearFeet · 07/03/2015 09:54

I'm even worse! I try to get all my jobs done when I've got the dc so that when they're at nursery I can have a rest Shock
And I don't feel guilty one bit Shock