AIBU over child access?

[BubblesInMyBath]

Seperated for several years, previously we were amicable but it's broken down and DS (2.5) now hasn't seen his dad for 2 weeks will be 4 by the time of our mediation session to discuss it (again dads choice due to his own personal reasons that he "needs time" on) il out myself if I say what those issues are but while I have sympathy I don't think it's fair on DS to be dropped and iv certainly never considered that I could take time out from my child due to "issues" of which iv had plenty to cope with.

I don't like DS going to my inlaws as there is medication left lying about within his reach and the tv is never turned over from what I consider unsuitable viewing for him - murder programmes like Dexter etc. It's not something I can tackle with inlaws (tried and failed miserably) and he has also fallen down the stairs due to being left unsupervised, this is what worried me the most - that he was left unsupervised when his dad knew that it wasn't safe to leave him due to the medication not being moved. DS is also at the age where he remembers and discusses what he watches now and I don't think it's fair to expose him?

His dad wanted a sudden overnight visit after no contact for a fortnight and I refused saying I think a few hours in the day is fair given the circumstances plus it was a weekday when he goes to nursery that he was asking for it so wouldn't have had any "time" just bedtime and morning routine then dropped to nursery

Inlaws have health problems, so lots of medication out all the time. I started out not minding DS being there as before he could move about I didn't feel he was at risk but obviously a huge difference between a toddler and a small baby

Ex has been offered to see DS at my home and I would go out. He's refused. I then said I would like a neutral location. He said contact centres are the only option he'd consider if can't have at his parents. I said there are other options which might be cheaper such as park, soft play etc but ok look into contact centres

I then get a snotty reply saying he's not prepared to discuss it for another few weeks

So basically DS is missing his dad for even longer due to us not being able to work it out.

Am I being controlling or U? I just don't know myself anymore. How should I work this out best for DS?

He adores his dad and is missing him a lot

Op here - yes medication is always out. On a coffee table at DS height. I'm trying not to out myself but likely to if I say much more. They require a lot and if they drop it, they wouldn't necessarily notice, or be able to retrieve it off floor. Yes it's still a common occurrence - as I say ex and I were amicable till recently, I have popped round many times and have to watch DS like a hawk.

The tv- it wasn't quite as black and white as I just changed it over rudely but anyhow, I'm sure I'd be judged if I left what was on the tv on just as much.

I'm honestly not trying to make excuses - I desperately want DS to have contact with his dad? Just not there due to my concerns for his safety there, and also I found the random midweek overnight a bizarre request, sure weekends would make sense as actually time to do anything but this was a pick up after work, and drop off at nursery next morning after sudden no contact for a fortnight

And no I of course don't think ex would allow him to come to any harm, it would devastate him... But accidents do happen and just seem far more likely in this setting as with the stairs which was about 3 months ago now.

I think you need to have more confidence in your ex that he is capable of looking after his son. Maybe there is medication left around but your husband is maybe up and down moving stuff out of reach. After the accident of your son falling down some stairs, your ex probably learnt a lesson and it wont happen again. The fact that he has told you about the medication shows that he is aware of safeguarding issues. Remember he is his son as well as yours and he is entitled to access and not to have it refused. He does have a say. Maybe it would be a good idea to put together a schedule where you both agree when it is appropriate and convenient for him to have his son for a day, overnight or longer.