to be terrified of dementia

[calmseeker]

I am in my mid fifties and my short term memory has deteriorated. Sometimes, possibly like people of my age I go to get something in another room and think 'what was it I wanted?' or I open the fridge instead or a cupboard then realise what I've done. I look it up and the internet (reliable sites) say its a normal part of aging. But every other day there seems to be 'new' things that predispose one to dementia - antihistamines (older versions), concussion, lack of sleep, solitariness and so the list goes on, Is anybody else terrified........ The worse thing is there is no cure and the disease is very scary.....

My mum didn't start showing the first signs till she was 76 . She's in a care home now and been there over 2 years. She's 86. She has no life. It's like living in limbo land and I grieve everyday. This isn't a life she would have chosen for herself had she capacity. Her quality of life is zero.

Her sisters both have it. One is 88 and the other was nearly 92 when she died and that was pitiful to watch, my beautiful smart auntie reduced to this pitiful wretch.

My gran was in a nursing home ( hospital) with it at 71.

Sometimes I think there just too much medical intervention.

Dowser I agree. My mum is 95 and went into a care home in 2010. She always said she wanted to die rather than live like this. She was smart, funny and interested in the world around her until her late 80s and I grieve for what she's lost. I'd go to Dignitas rather than have this happen to me.

Try not to worry too much, memory loss can be a natural part of ageing.

It is frightening though. I look after people with Alzheimer's as my job, and it has made me scared to get old.

Wouldn't change my job for the world though

my Dad has vascular dementia. at the moment the medication is working and he's not getting noticeably worse. he's a happy, smiley old man which is odd as that's not his usual demeanor at all!

i didn't grow up with my Dad. there are all sorts of reasons why we've never been close. but he's my Dad. my cynical, hard-living, hardworking Dad. he can't even play golf any more.

i'm terrified that he'll forget me. and i'm terrified that with my various psychiatric diagnoses i'll be following him down that road in my 60s/70s.

and it's much less distressing the worse it gets - unlike pretty much any other illness

agree with this. I work with people who have slight dementia to full blown Alzheimer's. The ones with full blown Alzheimer's are ok because they are completely oblivious to what is going on around them. The ones with mild dementia are very very confused and frustrated.

It's a horrible thing to say when you wish someone's life away. I wrestle with my conscience everyday when I feel like this. I was sat at my aunts bedside after she had hip surgery at 91 . Confused, wasn't really with it. The nurses said she'll be as right as rain after we give her a pint of blood and I just thought " why?"

Her life quality was zero before she fell. After that pint of blood she had 6 months of worse hell. Before the fall she could barely shuffle with a zimmer frame and used a wheelchair....sorry ill rephrase that...where she sat in a wheelchair till she was moved somewhere else. After the fall she had to be hoisted on and off the loo and never shuffled again. I got the care home to bring her to see my mum 5 weeks before she died. They couldn't be bothered with one another. She wanted to go back and my mum wanted to leave the building. I could have just put my head in my hands and wept. Had did two lovely funny, beautiful people end up like that.

Shortly after that visit she was taken to hospital as she had a stomach bug. Cancer was diagnosed . I'm so glad she decided enough was enough and checked out.

It's heartbreaking. My dad went suddenly with a heart attack. Devastating at the time but watching them go bit by bit is much worse.

Yes, I saw the sleep thing with maggie thatcher. Often I don get more than five or six hours and then my memory is affected. I'm away at the moment and I'm getting 8 hours and my memory is much better.

Dowser I get that struggling with your conscience thing. Two years before Mum was diagnosed we had a row and I was so angry I felt like pushing her down the bloody stairs - we were on the landing St the time and both really angry. Day after day I struggle with the thought that if I'd done it she might not be where she is now.

My Mum had vascular dementia (caused by hypertension and a series of mini strokes). It is something that I fear. I've got to the forgetful stage, which I've put down to the menopause.
OP, there are steps we can take to reduce the risk of developing dementia, www.nhs.uk/conditions/dementia-guide/pages/dementia-prevention.aspx
Which will also help to reduce our risks of developing other diseases. After that - what can we do? Just try not to worry and take each day as it comes.

I found out by pure chance that two tablets I was taking reacted with one another and caused memory loss. I stopped taking them and it was amazing how much,ore alert I became.

I'm not advocating everyone do this by the way. One tablet wasn't doing anything for me and another was a mild sleeping tablet I didn't really need. I'm not going to name names.

I now don't even take as much as a pain killer

I saw the better brain book by dr David Perlmutter in my doctors living room. Had a quick glance through it and ordered my own copy.

I did the tests and at the moment I'm very low risk.

You might like to get your own copy off amazon. I was taking a few supplements like turmeric and co q10 and vit d3 but I now take a few more.

My Mum had it. She died when she was 81, the aftermath of a stroke, but she'd began to show signs of dementia from the age of 66. I didn't grieve for her when she died because she hadn't been my Mum for years. It's awful, they need to fund much more research into this...and bloody fast.

My dad is suffering from Lewy body dementia caused by his Parkinson's. I was thinking this morning how terrified I am of getting it too. The dementia is worse than the Parkinson's.

In any case, I'd like to write a load of notes for my children for if I ever do get it reassuring them about things. My dad will sometimes say cruel things or not get happy with my children's achievements which is totally the opposite of who is "was". I know it's the illness causing him to be like this, but it still hurts. I don't want my children/grandchildren to hurt like this.

It is a very distressing illness for the whole family. It really isn't "living". It's like a zombie state of mind IMO.

I grieve every day for the wonderful mother she was. Omission her so much.

" i miss ringing her up and saying" hi mum, guess where I've been today and so on"

When my marriage was breaking up and I needed to escape the house. Sometimes I'd just pull up outside her house and say " do you fancy the cinema or going into town" and she would be out that house in under five minutes. Anytime of the day or evening.

Once when he came round and was nasty and I was locked in the bedroom I rang her and said mum can you jump in a taxi. She was there in 10 minutes. Luckily he had left by then and had taken his nasty temper with him.

That was just 8 years ago. It feels like a lifetime!

She had another Tia just two weeks ago and will probably have more.

It's not living Fakebook, it's existing pure and simple.
If someone was to offer to put my mum to sleep, I'd say no, definitely but if she was to have a major stroke or heart attack I'd want her pain free but I wouldn't want major medical intervention to prolong something that is not life.

My gran,my mum's mum was 88 when she died. My last memories of her was sitting inachair beside her hospital bed singing dooty dooty doo and rocking backwards and forwards like a child.

It scares me too. Genetically I'm fucked AND I take shit loads of anti histamines.

So many sad stories

When my gran died just before Christmas, I was not upset. And I feel a bit bad about that but I do know that I did my grieving for the vivacious woman that she was rather gradually over the last 20 years.
What died last year, was a husk of a body.
The woman she used to be died cruelly slowly over many years and was departed at least 5 years ago.

Thats what I was taking to help me sleep.

Dowser, your mum sounds like a brilliant mum and I hope those memories help you through the tough times. I completely agree with what you're saying. I sometimes feel like a horrible person thinking this, but death is better than suffering and acting out the motions of this so called life. I remember when my grandmother got severely ill and my mum saying she should die than suffer and I hated her for saying it. Now I understand.

My dad suffers from bowel problems. The first time, he pooed in a cupboard and blamed "a man". It was absolutely shocking and numbing. It's easier to deal with now but I don't want that to be me ever.

YANBU to be frightened of dementia - it is an awful disease. My father has it - both vascular and Lewy Body, combined with a nice dose of advanced Parkinson's. He's 74. He is in a home, my mum still lives in the family home and goes to see him daily - she is distraught because she knows she cannot manage him at home - in fact, she kept him at home for far too long.

When he had the option of ending his life and still had the cognitive faculties to do so, he chose not to do it, and it would have been possible for him as my parents are in the Netherlands. My mum is making solid plans in case it happens to her, she's seen what it is like.

I am hoping that something will be done about right to die legislation in the UK for me and DH, but just in case we will be setting money aside in case Dignitas is our only option - we will not go out that way.

Runs in my family too, so reckon I'll get it too.

My mum spent many years terrified of the prospect and then hid the fact that her memory was going for years. Fortunately the tipping point from hiding and denying it to no longer caring happened really quickly. She's now in a nursing home.

My take on it is to live life to the full while I can and what will be will be.

Hugs to everyone who has lost (or is losing) their loved ones to dementia. I feel so sorry for all of you.

I agree about changing the law re 'right to die' as well. I really hope it happens in the UK.

Yo...my philosophy also. Live life to the max. Have a blast while you can.

I'm three years into a ten year plan. After that I'm hoping for another pretty good ten year plan.

Anti histamines give you dementia? That's me fucked. I take them every single night to get to sleep. I plan to immediately end my life if I start going off my rocker. I barely want to be here as it is.

Anti-histamines don't give you dementia - don't fret, expat. There's an 'association' - as there is with anticholinergics (used to tried overactive bladder problems for instance).

There's also an association of life with death (as you know only too well ) - if I were you and the anti-histamines buy you some sleep, I'd keep going tbh.