Should I move abroad?

[solitudehappiness]

Was born in Australia, and have lived in the UK since I was a small child. Am visiting soon for a months holiday. Have family that I'm very close to living there, and am extremely tempted to move there permanently.

But, and its a huge but, my son who's almost 20 and at uni isn't interested in moving abroad at all. Don't know if he could be persuaded. Plus dd who is almost 2 loves her big brother and likewise.

AIBU to move abroad? Should I put myself or my children first? I'm so utterly confused as to what is for the best.......

Discuss it with your son first. See how for or against it he is and how that effects you - then male a decision.

This is a tough one.

Your son is at uni and presumably in the next few years will be off doing his own thing anyway - who knows, he may well move to the other end of the UK or to a different country himself... but then again Aus is a hell of a long way away.

Could you afford to return to the UK to visit regularly, will he be able (and want) to afford to visit you regularly?

Your DD, being only 2, will probably adapt really quickly.

Aaaargh,

I feel your pain. In my head I would love to live abroad, somewhere hot to get me away from British winter months but the reality is I love my kids and grandkids too much todo that.

I go on holiday and miss them terribly.

It must run in the family as my aunt and uncle had a lovely comfortable life in Africa which they didn't want to give up but their son and his wife came to London.

Aunt and uncle had a much, much younger daughter and they felt that they didn't want her growing up and settling in Africa and the family split up all over the place so when she was about 12 ( brother in early 30s) they all moved to London.

A good place to do some research is the British expats thread on moving back. Some people feel so trapped when the move hasnt worked out for one or another partner, or one child has settled or another hasn't. Parents have got elderly and one wants to go back but can't afford it etc. it's good to read others stories because sadly Australia is such a long way, not like hopping on a flight to Barcelona , Oslo, Rome or wherever in Europe.

A real dilemma isn't it?

No matter what your son says now, things will probably change.

This is my experience:

My parents moved abroad over ten years ago, at the time they only had two grandchildren. They now have six. DPs thought that everyone would go and visit for lots of holidays but they only have one spare bedroom, not much good for a family of four or six and also flights are very expensive during the school holidays.

DPs do come back to the UK two to three times a year, but that can be awkward as they have to stay with one of us, a long weekend is fine but more than a week becomes annoying.

They miss out on 'family stuff', impromptu barbecues in the summer, meeting up for a birthday lunch or dinner, days out with the grandchildren just because it's a nice sunny day. DM wasn't around when I went to choose my wedding dress, my DMIL came with me instead.

They have now put their house on the market and are hoping to move back to the UK. In property terms they have probably lost about £100k, having sold their three-bed detached house in the UK when they moved abroad, they will be lucky to afford a two-bed flat in a similar area.

Going to go for my visit, see how I feel and if I like it. Will wait until ds's exams etc are through, and then broach it. massive decision and not one to be taken lightly....

Have to agree with Cuthbert - don't assume people will visit! DP's bought a house in France to renovate, they live there six months of the year and in the UK the remainder of the time. It's in a very pretty village but there is NOTHING to do there. They don't have internet. They had visions of me and DBs and our children going there for huge family holidays. As it is, the last time I went there was 2010, then DH and I had DC1, moved to the other side of the world ourselves, had DC2 and then with limited holiday time (in the US) we can't get to France as well as the UK on our annual trips back.

Sorry to go off on a tangent but IME, DPs will not see that this was their dream and not ours. Yes, it's a lovely house but it's nowhere near a decent airport, it's a bugger to drive to, and quite frankly, given the choice, I'd rather stay at home!

You dd just needs ti be with you. She wil be fine.

You sin will grow up soon anyway!