To be hacked off at being called a bad mother?

[Brandnewbrighttomorrow]

Apologies in advance - trivial but need to vent!

Mum of a child at school stopped me in the street yesterday afternoon and told me I was a bad mother (in front of my three kids). Apparently my youngest child (in reception) had burst into tears after I had left that morning and claimed that I'd gone without giving her a kiss (which I hadn't).

I was so startled at the time I couldn't frame an appropriate response (not one I could say in front of my kids anyway) but am furious in retrospect - AIBU to be pissed off?

I would definitely complain to the school And ask them to have a word with her. Who does she think she is telling you that you are a bad mother in front of your children? Please don't let it get to you, she sounds too power hungry!

It is the kind of thing people say as a joke as clearly you can't tell if someone is a "bad mother" based on whether they gave their child a kiss that morning.

"I would definitely complain to the school And ask them to have a word with her."

If this happened on the way home (or even on the school playground) it is nothing whatsoever to do with the school and of course they're not going to "have a word with her." It's not their job to mediate between two mothers in a spat and tell one of them off.

I would raise it wiyh the school

She's a parent helper at the school Clam - I'd have thought the school would have something to say about her attitude tbh.

Half the parents in our school are helpers! No special merit there.

If the actual teacher has said it, or the TA (assuming this really was said and personally I have doubts about the intent), then maybe the school need to be informed, but another parents? Nope.

Just suck it up and avoid her in future.

Clam I would agree entirely if she wasn't a parent helper in the school. She knows the child was upset because of this role. She was way out of line.

It's not considered acceptable for parents to discuss incidents which happen in school with parent helpers or TA's outside of the school. In fact you are not meant to speak to them but the school ask for you to raise these concerns with the teacher.

YANBU speak to the school!!

Complain to the school.

She has no business being a parent helper if she goes bitches to the parents like this.

Clam - as a school governor I can state that you are completely wrong. School helpers have to be given strict boundaries and stick to them. It is not acceptable for a helper to take something that happened in school out of the school gate and discuss it with a parent in any way. If she was concerned she should have notified the teacher.
Op - you definitely need to complain to the school and I suggest that you write to the Head. Maybe say that you don't want her stopped from helping, but you would like to be assured that she has been made aware of the correct way to deal with parents.

redrubyindigo I don't understand yor post at all - could you clarify please?

OP I would be furious at that comment too. I bet you could kick yourself now that you ddn't think of a response at the time but I can completely understand how gobsmacked you must've been

Vyvount "As a school governor" how would you find out whether the parent concerned actually said any of this? It's unsubstantiated hearsay.
The professional boundaries thing is more about discussing reading levels and ability groups, or sensitive home-life issues.

Was this other mother helping in the school at the time this is meant to have happened? I really can't imagine it can have been anything more than a joke. Who says things like this seriously?

Basically, apart from it being plain rude to accuse you in front of your children, it's highly unprofessional. If she has an issue with your raising and actions towards you children she needs to:
a) probably mind her own business
b) speak to you in a school setting, not randomly accost you in the street
c) as she is a helper and not a teacher, her concerns should have been taken to the teacher in charge.
Incidentally, has your child mentioned this? It may have been an issue long forgotten by her five minutes after the realisation came.

Clam, normally when asked people admit what they said. In cases like this they tend to self-righteously think they were in the right.

It actually doesn't matter if the woman was being a helper at the time Op dropped her child off. Parent helpers are expected to use a modicum of common sense and not do anything that could negatively impact on the school.
What ever her role was at the time this happened, she was concerned enough about the welfare of the child to decide that Op was a bad mother. So she should have reported it to the class teacher.

Raise with school as she sounds unhinged. Even if you failed to kiss youngest dc goodbye (which you know you did) that doesnt make you a bad mother, just a busy one rushing off to work etc. she shouldnt have said anything and why did she even think that. Worried shes a helper. Yanbu!

I think you should mention it to the school too. What happens in class should stay in class. Our helpers would be expected to be as discreet and to follow the same rules on confidentiality as the staff. Actually, thinking about it,more so then the staff as the staff have a duty to liaise with parents and to discuss any concerns, the helpers definitely do not.

SHe must have been joking, surely?

It is not acceptable for a helper to take something that happened in school out of the school gate and discuss it with a parent in any way

This, absolutely. As understand it, discussing anything that goes on in school whilst you are there as a helper is not on.

Jokes like this only work if you know the other person really well and laugh about it right away. This does not sound the case here.

With regards to the question "who says things like that?", the answer is "a bitch"

She's either joking and got it badly wrong, or she's a cunt.

If you think it's definitely the latter then I'd be worried about her being a parent helper.

I'd definitely be reporting to the school. If nothing else they will know she isn't discreet enough to help with anything sensitive.

clam it certainly is something the school should know about as she's helping there so privilege to more sensitive information on the children and parents. What if they have her a job in the office, judgy mcjugison could start telling all the mums what she thinks because they work/ stay at home/ get free school meals. But if she does it in asda rather than the playground it's ok?

You really do need to mention this to the teacher. If your child was really upset then the teacher or a TA would have told you. When parents are helping in school what happens in the school is in confidence. A parent helper cannot tell another parent what they have heard or seen.

Who the bloody hell does this woman think she is??

She is definitely not the sort of person who should be a parent helper. I would without hesitation bring it up with the school. Totally inappropriate to say what she did at all, let alone because it wasn't true AND in front of your children. I am angry on your behalf!!

She may well have been joking (albeit in a very patronising way) but what counts is how it's made you feel.

I would have a quiet word with the teacher, and say that you were upset to be called a bad mother, and if DD is upset at all at school, or if there is anything else to report, you would prefer to be informed by him/her.

She sounds a bit deranged. I would ignore it and her, you don't want to engage in any way with someone like that. Most kiddies have a tearful moment in nursery