To not want to work FT anymore

[BeeInYourBonnet]

4m ago I started working FT after working PT for the past 8y since my DCs were born. I loved working PT. The only downside was not enough time in work to get things done, but generally a great work life balance.

Now I'm FT, forced on me by employer as a result of office restructure. And I hate it! My life just feels wring now. I'm stressed and rushed all the time, my DH is pretty good but more laid back than me, and I am only just keeping on top of the bare minimum at home.

I have a pretty good job, and it would be a huge struggle to find a PT job with such good pay. I keep dreaming about jacking it all in. I do actually like my job, and enjoy it when I'm there, but it all just feels wrong at home.

Is life too short?

Oooh. 2 actuallys in one sentence. Yuk

I gave up my full time job when I had my 2nd DC (unfortunately part time wasn't an option) partly because I know our marriage and family life would have suffered tremendously. And yes, I am perfectly aware of the financial predicament I would have been in had our marriage failed!

For me, childcare would be my biggest headache. Is a nanny an option? I too hate the thought of the DCs being in holiday clubs full time for 4 or 5 weeks over the summer holidays. Can you also increase the number of hours your cleaner does? 1.5 doesn't sound much.

Hope you find a way of making it work .

Have u thought about getting a nanny for childcare? As they can always help prep dinner, do some of the kids homeowork with them. It could take quite a bit if pressure of you.

YANBU.

I plan on working PT when I return to work. If my company said they couldn't offer me PT hours I would find a job that would. I have a small baby though which is maybe a little different to school age kiddles, but I would still like to work PT when my DD starts school so that I can do school runs and spend as much time as possible with her. I don't want to be a SAHM for a number of reasons so really PT is a no brainer!

I haven't worked FT since DS1 was born but ad I've said before its a matter of priorities. No new cars, foreign holidays and spending on clothes for DH and I here. If I worked FT we could have these things, as it is I work 3 days a week and we just about scrape through. However my kids actually have a mother who isn't on the edge any more and for DH and I it's worth it.

Oh and confusedandemployed is quite right - your employer needs to consider any request for flexible working and have solid reasons for refusing (if they do refuse).

Cutting your hours isn't the ony option either - as pps suggested you could work from home and or / compress the same number of working hours into fewer days.

Yanbu, I had a really good full time job before dd 1 was born. In order to go part time to 4 days I had to go down a pay grade but it was the right decision for us. In preparation for dc 2 arrival in August I have gone down to 3 days which has again meant I have had to drop a further pay grade. Tough decision but it means I will be able to do the school run more often and dc 2 will be in nursery one day less. I also have less outgoings, travel cost ect and pay very little tax. I have to be sensible with money but I don't actually miss the luxuries. Now going out for a meal, buying nice make up is an occasional treat rather than a regular thing and you begin to appreciate things more. In my work I have regular contact with young mums facing terminal illness. None have them have ever said to me "I wish I had spent more time at work" life is far to short. I hope you find a solution that works for you

I am also managing a team and managed to negotiate 30hrs flexible. Which gives me 'permission' to finish early to pick up dd, be in late cos I've seen the teacher in the morning etc but I'm still usually in every day. Or I do a 3- 4 day week in the holidays. In the past I have worked annualised hours inc a day from home. I answer my emails and everyone has my mobile no, and I'm at every meeting I ought to be at. What I'm saying is even a little bit of flexibility might make the difference.
But I suggest that you need to sit down with your easy-going DH and plan how you both cope with this new pattern of life. Can he negotiate a bit more flexibility? Get better childcare?
Or sit down with your diaries and plan how you are going to balance everything? Sounds like you are taking more than half the responsibility for running the show here.

PT work certainly is a no brainer! Unfortunately it doesn't always pan out. As mentioned before, I've been lucky for 8y.

I think I will need to ponder on a flexible working request. I think my main problem is trying to be all things to all people! DH keeps telling me that the DCs don't need to do every single club going, but I hate thinking they will miss out on anything just cos of my/our work. Silly, cos I know lots of SAHMs whose DCs don't do many extra curricular activities.

Plus I need to get DCs to do more. Soooo much time is taken up with picking clothes up off floor, emptying/checking school bags, clearing up after tea.

I probably am taking more than half responsibility, but part of that is due to control freakery and poor delegation!
DH has some flexibility in his job so does all drop offs, and the odd pick up. He could be better at remembering to supervise homework without needing reminding, but he does pull his weight generally.

I think I am worn out from all the planning and scheduling!

BeeInYourBonnet - when I went part-time I started taking the kids to all the clubs they wanted. I was exhausted and soon enough do were they. I still rushed everywhere. It wasn't the leisurely stroll I'd imagined. Car everywhere, stress, need to be on time. Prepare and remember to take equipment etc. Now we've dropped most clubs and they only do one on Saturdays. So we're back to the same pattern as when I was full-time. In other words, don't do it for the clubs. They'll get bored and you'll get stressed.

I was similar to you. Fairly senior when DC came along, fortunate to get fantastic p-t arrangements, which worked well for a time, then took a promotion to a fantastic job but felt I was never quite giving what I wanted either at home or at work. Eventually I did take that down grade which again was successful for a while but now I am really bored, but I was successful at an interview for a new job today!

So, what I'm saying is nothing is forever. The control freakery is a big problem which I completely understand but needs to be dealt with

In your position, with more money than strictly needed, I would be having much more than 1.5 hours of help.

Re your enforced change of hours, my company tried that at one point. Yes, you have to apply for any "suitable" vacancy but if the vacancy isn't suitable because of your caring responsibilities, it can't be forced on you. I had great advice from Working Families

Congratulations on your new job, ClassicTron.

I would suggest you put in a flexible working request for 4 days a week. Loads of v senior staff work this where I am, managing large teams.

Bee I am happy to help you with crafting a request (I'm an employment law advisor - but NOT a solicitor). PM me if you want.

drafting not crafting. Although I suppose that works too...

Thanks so much confused . I think I may speak informally with my line manager first. She's pretty understanding (has school age children herself), so I'll see what she thinks.

Thanks to everyone else too (congrats on your new job Classictron!). Some great advice and great to feel that I'm not just being a bit pathetic about the whole thing!