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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed at DH

27 replies

Snowberry86 · 05/03/2015 19:08

I work as a senior leader in a school and so have school holidays off but never time during term time.

Tomorrow I have been given permission to work from home as I have lots of paperwork jobs that I need to get done and I've been struggling with stress recently.

Earlier in the week when I decided this my DH said he would also take the day off. I said I would rather he didn't as I wanted to get loads done.

Today he has said he has booked tomorrow off. AIBU to be really cross with him?

We live in a tiny house and so he will be under my feet all day. I really needed the opportunity to get into work mode and get things done and it just isn't the same with him at home with me.

I am very stressed and emotional the minute so am probably being irrational but I am really mad about it.

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 05/03/2015 19:12

YANBU. it's a working day, your DH is treating it like a day 'off'. Send him out to do jobs.

ConfusedInBath · 05/03/2015 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nomama · 05/03/2015 19:13

Headphones on...ignore... ignore...ignore....

Good luck!

CtrlAltDelicious · 05/03/2015 19:16

No, I'd be pissed of at this, too.
What reason has he given for booking it off?

bananaramadrama · 05/03/2015 19:17

Yanbu! My dh was home today while I was trying to wfh, he got under my feet all day and I hardly got anything done. He was a complete pita.

Original poster
Snowberry86 · 05/03/2015 19:22

Nope no office, we live in a 2 up 2 down so I will be working in the lounge and he will ask have to use this room as its all we have!

There isn't really any where to send him or anything for him to do!

He says he has taken it off because I booked a doctors appointment for 4:40 that he wants to come with me to instead of leaving early he booked the whole day off.

I was just really looking forward to do a day on my own to try and catch up on work and get on top of my stress levels and I feel like he has ruined that opportunity for me!

I know I'm being a bit dramatic- I'm very hormonal today which isn't helping!

OP posts:
HolgerDanske · 05/03/2015 19:27

You're not being dramatic. And you're not being unreasonable either. How disrespectful of him to explicitly invalidate your position when you'd been very clear that you needed the time off to properly work. I mean I understand that he probably wanted to have a nice time at home with you and that's all good and well, but he was really out of order to not consider your side of things and he needs to understand that he's actually added considerably to your stress. Does he know how stressed and under pressure you feel?

LineRunner · 05/03/2015 19:30

You are not being dramatic or unreasonable, but you are certainly talking to the wrong people about this...

ConfusedInBath · 05/03/2015 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Snowberry86 · 05/03/2015 19:32

Thank you. I do feel like it's a bit of an invasion to be honest.

It would be lovely to have a day off with him and I am always nagging him to take a day off during the school holidays to spend together.

He does know how stressed I have been as I've been quite unwell with it. He thinks I am being mean for not wanting him to be home with me and doesn't understand why I am mad at him!

We never argue or fall out and so in 9 years this is one of the very few times he has really annoyed me!

I am now very tempted to just go in to work! I feel guilty that my head teacher has let me have the day at home if it's not going to be really productive.

If we had a bigger house with an office it wouldn't be an issue as I would just lock myself in there. But because we only have the one space in the lounge it's really difficult.

OP posts:
elspethmcgillicuddy · 05/03/2015 19:33

Go to the library?

elspethmcgillicuddy · 05/03/2015 19:33

Go to the library?

Original poster
Snowberry86 · 05/03/2015 19:35

I don't think there is wifi in our local library? Otherwise that's not a bad suggestion. I just feel really annoyed that I should have to go anyway when I wanted to work from the comfort of my own sofa!

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 05/03/2015 19:37

There's wifi and cake in starbucks Wink

carabos · 05/03/2015 19:38

Go to work and find somewhere to hide there. Or go to the library as others have said. Whatever you do, leave the house at your normal time in the morning. I want to stab your DH on your behalf Wink.

Original poster
Snowberry86 · 05/03/2015 19:38

Think I am going to lock myself in the spare bedroom and tell him under no circumstance can he come in and disturb me.

OP posts:
Bloodymidges · 05/03/2015 19:39

Can't you just tell him what you've told us, and ask him to not take the day off? Tell him to save it for when you can both take a day off together?

MarianneSolong · 05/03/2015 19:41

If you have a library ticket you should be able to work on their PCs if they don't have wi-fi. Though you may have to book in advance and/or they may insist you take breaks. A mate's house? A co-working space?

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 05/03/2015 19:44

Make him sit in the kitchen or the bedroom. YANBU

TendonQueen · 05/03/2015 19:45

No, you don't go anywhere, he does. Tell him he will have to go out from 9-4 and amuse himself somewhere else so you can have peace to get work done. You shouldn't have to hide in the spare bedroom, or anywhere else!

caravanista13 · 05/03/2015 19:46

I'd be furious. Send him out.

MarianneSolong · 05/03/2015 19:54

I think it's a difficult issue. I work from home a lot of the time and when my husband retired it took quite a while to make him realise I didn't want him popping into the room where I work to tell me things or find things or ask me things. If it's a one-off day when you're working out of school, I might find it easier just to find a bolthole somewhere else from 9-4.30. Otherwise you'll be at home with a partner who will promise to go out/not get under your feet - but actually go out late and/or pop back for stuff he's forgotten and want to come home at lunch and chat to you then...

Perhaps try and deal with the issues re communication and space after you've had the not-at-school-day, and got stuff done. Easier to have the conversation when you're not a) stressed and b) furious.

Boysclothes · 05/03/2015 20:03

You need to turn this into a great opportunity.... Surely you have annoying jobs that need doing? Stuff to go to the tip? jet wash the bins? Clear the garden? Tidy the loft? scour the grout? I can think of a million things I'd set my DH to if he had a day at home without any children.

Write him a list of jobs. Lock yourself in whatever room you want to be in and tell him under no circumstances are you to be disturbed until x time when he is to bring you y for lunch. Chat for 45 minutes. Then off he goes again until x time when you go to docs. Get back and then you are undisturbed again until x time when he is to bring you y for dinner. Perfect!!

Original poster
Snowberry86 · 05/03/2015 20:20

He can't sit in the kitchen- it doesn't have a table or chairs in!

I have told him I am annoyed and that I feel he has been inconsiderate. I am going to write him a list of jobs to be done, with clear instructions that he needs to figure out how to do them himself, not come and ask me where the bin bags are etc. it's my bday next week so he can go into town to buy my bday present, he can clean the oven, tidy the garden and clear out the shed! We are putting our house on the market in next few weeks so he can start clearing out his old junk that won't be moving with us.

He is gonna very much wish he had gone into to work!

OP posts:
TendonQueen · 05/03/2015 20:25

That's more like it, OP! Enjoy your peaceful day's work on your own sofa Smile