to think that if someone invites other people to a meeting at your house they should tell you who is coming?

[bigbluebus]

DD (who has severe disabilities and complex health needs) is due for an annual re-assessment of her needs. I have received a letter in the post confirming the appointment date and time (which had already been agreed over the phone). The previous assessments have always been done by DDs Caseworker and my understanding was that she was doing it again this year - which she is.
However, the letter states that the assessment will be done by a Multi Disciplinary Team. I naturally assume that 'Team' means more than one person, so I ring up and query this to be told that various professionals have been invited (although it is likely that most of them will not attend) but it will be at least the Case Worker and a n other Social Worker (who doesn't know DD) who will be coming.

AIBU to think that if you, as a public body, invite other people to someone's house, that you should at least have the courtesy to tell the householder whom you have invited rather than it be a surprise on the day!Or is it just me that thinks this is rude?

Incidentally, tThe venue for the meeting was chosen by them, not me (again without any consultation)

YANBU, you should have the opportunity to have the meeting elsewhere if you'd prefer and you should definitely know in advance who has been invited to a meeting at your home.

Personally I would assume that anyone they brought with them would be there to try and help my child, and I wouldn't see any advantage in knowing who was coming beforehand.
As for them choosing the venue, they can't have a meeting in your home without your consent, so if you'd rather have it somewhere else, say so.

countess My DD isn't a child, she's an adult. They aren't coming to 'help' her really they are coming to review her funding

I don't have a problem with anyone coming who needs to be there - I just think it is courteous to let me know who is coming. It is my house, not a public building. If they had arranged the meeting at their offices, I would still consider it 'nice' to be told that other people would be present but would not consider it to be as important.

Also, if they had invited all the professional involved in DDs care, and they turned up, it would be standing room only.

YANBU, that's really rude. I have 5 children with SN and 2 of them have health issues as well so I've had experience of these things. You should have been given a choice of venue within reason (we usually have ours at school, preschool or the hospital although our home has been offered as an option sometimes). I always get told who will be invited, in fact it's usually me who provides all the contact details. Did you want to have the meeting in your house. I know some people find it easier but I'm not keen. DS1, who has autism, gets nervous when most professionals come to our house and DS3 is always much calmer and better behaved at meetings in other places. He understands that at a meeting he needs to sit quietly with a bag of quiet toys/books/drink etc but at home he will be his usual loud, lively self .

Do you know the caseworker well? Can you phone her and explain that you would like to be consulted more on venue and people invited. I think some of these people forget that this is your life and your home, not your job and your office and there is a huge difference between the two.

I think they have to tell you.
Sometimes this can rise problems i.e. in a strict muslim house a female host wouldnt like males in or male proffessionals for her dd.
Some people have fear te medical examinations, or are uncomfortable with many people. Thats why they ask you first if medic students are going to be present.
I hope all goes well OP.

Im involved with a few case reviews etc and they are very rarely done in people's homes. do they think this will be easier for you? would you need to find somebody to care for DD if it was at another venue or could she attend with you? have all the previous assessments been at your house? personally I woukd ring up and ask to change it to somewhere else.

guilty I'm not bothered whether it is in my home or not. Save me the cost of the petrol to get to an alternative venue (and pass the cost on to the tax payer) which would more than likely be 15 miles away (nearest large town). I was merely asking if I was BU to think it is manners to be advised of who will be attending rather than just opening the door to random strangers on the day.
I don't need child care, and although DD should really be present, the caseworker has said she doesn't need to be, as she is very familiar with DDs case. Although now that I know there is at least a Social Worker coming too (who won't be familiar with DD) I wonder if she should be there. DD can't communicate so won't be able to participate or contribute to the meeting other than being in the room.

What bothers me is that these assessments are only carried out on ill or vulnerable people and although the majority of them will have a family member/carer with them, the carer themselves may be vulnerable (think little old man still caring for wife who has severe dementia and has visiting carers only). I feel that it should therefore be standard practice to let the householder know who is coming - even the utility companies have arrangements for vulnerable people, so you'd think that Health and Social care would!!

I would say that as it's a meeting about your dc you shoudl know who is coming where ever it is.

However I wouldn't have an issue with a meeting being arranged at our house and not knowing who's coming if I was just one of the participants. In fact I have had meetings (like PTA type) at my house where I've no idea whether anyone or 20 people would turn up.

Sorry, but there is nothing in your OP to indicate that your DD is an adult or that the meeting was about funding.

In my experience they don't even always know who will be attending, they may have put in a request for someone from X dept, but they don't know which team member it will be, and so on. But why not just ask who is coming, presumably they will tell you as much as they know?

I did ask them countess when I got the letter about the appointment today,which I wasn't expecting to get as I had already had a previous letter with a date and time which wasn't convenient so the appointment was re-arranged over the phone. The original letter hadn't mentioned anything about a Multi Disciplinary team meeting - just that one person was coming to do the assessment. Today's letter also mentioned something about an assessment that has taken place last week - which I know nothing about

When I rang them today, I asked who was coming. They said that various people had been invited but most probably wouldn't come as they would submit a written report instead. But she did say that there would definitely be a Social Worker as well as the assessor - something I was not previously aware of.

You are quite right bigbluebus. It's similar to inviting a few people to a party and a load of others turn up. It's rude. You ought to know who will come not just who might come. I'd want to have a tea tray ready and would feel if I didn't have enough cups and saucers out. If I had to go to find more, I'd feel that they were talking about my inadequacies while I was not in the same room.

It's not just your house, it's your home and should be treated as your property not a public venue and you could charge a rent for the hour that they are there. I don't know what sort of complex needs your daughter has but, if she can think, she ought to be present for the meeting. If I were 25 with a brain that worked but nothing else did, I would feel like an object if people were meeting to talk about me and I don't know what's going on.

YANBU.

It's discourteous and unprofessional.

Meetings of this type are, IME, stressful enough and it's hard when decisions for your DC, whatever age, are in the hands of other people. I think if you feel you have some control they are easier to deal with, and for me, I would be requesting a brief agenda and names/roles of people attending in advance. I would email this request in good time if possible.

Oh! If they were meeting in an office then they would have provided names for car parking, reception to make name tags, etc etc etc.

They should be able to do this for you. Your DD deserves them to treat her in a professional manner, to let her know who is coming and why, specifically! Otherwise they are effectively taking away control of her life, even if that is through you or A N Other, whoever is her nominated person should she have one!

They are being high handed, understaffed and unthinking. Take notes, put it together after the visit and, regardless of the outcome, send it in to her case worker and anyone else you can think of.

Such dehumanisation has to be challenged. Not to punish the individuals but to put those in charge of the purse strings on notice that their actions are detrimental in ways they may not have considered.