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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be not happy with sons name at 15 months

29 replies

Misterbumpbump · 04/03/2015 22:56

I have grown to dislike my son's full name (was never that keen on it anyway) but really love the shortened version which is what he is always known as. He is 15 months. Both his father and I agree on this. I just wish we had just put the shortened version (which can be a name by itself) on his birth certificate and used a different middle name to match. When we registered the name there was a lot of family pressure and I worried what everyone else thought. but now I have become a mum I am better at going with my gut and telling the pushy members of my family to keep their noses out! Just wish I had been like that a year ago! I know its too late now. Not sure how to let this go...

OP posts:

Original poster

Misterbumpbump · 04/03/2015 22:57

Also because we always use the shortened version I don't even see him as xxxx (name on birth certificate)

OP posts:

cartoonsaveme · 04/03/2015 23:04

We are the same as are several people I know. We sometimes discuss whether we should just have put shortened version on birth certificate. The overall consensus is that they are lucky to have a more formal name if they ever wish to use it. ( at school you are asked to state the actual name used and known as)

ConfusedInBath · 04/03/2015 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cartoonsaveme · 04/03/2015 23:07

Eg I know 3 Teds that are Edwards and 2 Alfies that are Alfred's, 2 Freddie's that are Frederick and a couple of Bills that are Williams...

BrianButterfield · 04/03/2015 23:08

I don't really see the issue here - my name is universally shortened and I only use the full name on official things but it causes no problems and has never confused me, even as a child. In fact I quite like it as I could switch to my full name I suppose one day! And the long version sounds and looks nice written down. It's just not any sort of a deal at all.

trashcanjunkie · 04/03/2015 23:10

I say bite the bullet and change the birth certificate. it's not a fortune, and it means your cd won't have to go through school life constantly needing to correct teachers. Think of high school. Not just one teacher, every subject teacher. Plus then people get the long name fixed in their heads, it sort of imprints. Do it now and sod the pressure twats!

trashcanjunkie · 04/03/2015 23:11

Dc not cd!

PurpleCrazyHorse · 04/03/2015 23:11

You can have the birth certificate amended if a different name has been used before the child was 12mo old, i.e. names given a baptism. Not sure of the process or the evidence needed but the register office should be able to help.

Alternatively just keep using the shortened version.

We have the opposite problem in that I like DD's long name but thought DH liked the shortened version, we've been using the shortened version since birth and just found out DH wasn't that bothered. DD is 5yo and I'm pretty annoyed about it. I'm trying to use her long name more but she's almost exclusively known by the shortened version.

PrettyPenguin · 04/03/2015 23:15

I've always been a bit of a stickler for having 'proper' forms of names on birth certificates, rather than shortened versions. I have three children and it is nice to be able to call them by their 'proper' name to let them know they've been REALLY naughty ;)

Generally, the girls are always known by the shortened versions of their names, but there are people who call them by the long version. My son has a shorter proper name so we probably use the short and long versions of his names equally.

I have a long first name and my mum and grandparents and sister all called/call me by that name, never the shortened version. Everyone else in my life calls me by pretty much every permutation possible of my long name (plus some extra random ones too!).

I think when your son grows up he will like the option to be able to change his name if he chooses, but without having to actually change it, if you see what I mean?

TheCraicDealer · 04/03/2015 23:30

Keep it and let him have the choice. I have a shortened name; never had to correct anyone during my primary school years. At secondary after the first year most of the teachers would have known you vaguely anyway, so I only had to say 'short name' once or twice the first few years, then the teacher in question would amend the register. Honestly, keep it the way it is, there's no real downside to letting him have the option of both. I use my longer name for work- I quite enjoy having an alter ego if I'm being honest.

BeautyBoo · 04/03/2015 23:38

I've never had a problem with my name growing up, especially as an adult. Generally when you have a longer name that is often shortened, when people meet you they say 'do you prefer to be called x or y?' Or when introducing myself I will always use my shortened name. I don't particularly like my long name (at the moment!) but I do quite like the fact that I have a choice

I plan on giving my children longer names and calling them by the shortened version

MrsTedCrilly · 04/03/2015 23:49

I would do it if you really want to, while he's still young enough for it not to affect anything! I have an Alfie and that's what he is on the birth certificate.. I wouldn't have been happy with Alfred as that's a totally different name to me, so wouldn't want him ever referred to as that.
Go with your gut otherwise it will always play on your mind..

fizzycolagurlie · 04/03/2015 23:49

What Confusedinbath said.

CallMeExhausted · 05/03/2015 00:43

My DS only hears his full name when he is in trouble. It is nice to have that extra punctuation emphasis

Storm15 · 05/03/2015 06:28

My DS only sees his full name in his passport and occasionally at the doctors. Everyone else calls him by the shortened version. I also regret putting the full name on his birth certificate. I use the shortened version for everything - school applications, registration at the dentists, out of school clubs etc. I must admit, we're thinking about changing it by deed poll.

MrsMook · 05/03/2015 06:48

As a teacher, I have no issue with short names. I do the register for the first time and ask "Benjamin or Ben?" etc.
Some names like Joshua are rarely kept in their full form.

LindyHemming · 05/03/2015 06:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nooka · 05/03/2015 07:02

I really don't understand why you are concerned. You don't have to use the full birth certificate name on very much or have people use it on a day to day basis at all. Schools ask what your child is known as, put that in their computer systems and then that's used consistently for everything at school, friends ask what you are called, you tell them and then they call you that.

My brother has never been known by his full name, I think the only time I've heard it was when he got married. My father wasn't known by his first name at all, but his middle name, again that really didn't cause him any issues.

Anyway you could always deed poll change it, but I'd leave it until your ds has an opinion one way or another.

SummerHouse · 05/03/2015 07:05

I totally get this. When ds was born he was a different name everyday for 5 days and nothing was right. Then sleep deprivation kicked in and I didn't know my own name for a while.

For a long time I used to get sudden stabs if anxiety about his name. We called him a different name to his birth cert but I actually like his birth cert name. He us now known as either and BOTH. E.g. jamie James. I think you should change it if you want to. Just be happy.

Mistigri · 05/03/2015 07:09

I also think you are worrying for nothing.

My DS uses a short form of his name out of school but at school the teachers use his given name and this doesn't bother him at all! The only thing that bothers him is if they spell it incorrectly (it's a name with two accepted spellings).

merlehaggard · 05/03/2015 07:15

Regarding schools nowadays, it seems like when at secondary school they ask you what you want to be called, change it once on the universal computerised register, and all the teachers then use that name. This happened at secondary school with my second child but not for her elder sister when it was still paper registers. Primary school is more of a problem but they always ask actual name and then name by which they want to be known.

I would still say though, if you aren't happy, have the birth certificate changed.

crazykat · 05/03/2015 08:05

Just use the shortened version. As pp have said at school they ask for the full legal name for exams and admin, they also ask for 'known as' or preferred name.

I shortened my name to what was an unusual shortening of my name, it sounds strange when someone uses my full name now.

dragdownthemoon · 05/03/2015 08:17

We never ever use my DS2s full name. He doesn't like it, he has never been known as it. I LOVE it though. But until recently (he is 7) I am not sure he even knew it was his name. The shortened version is just the beginning of the full name iyswim (like Harrison shortened to Harri) and I always intended to call him the full name but he suits the short version so much better.

I wouldn't change his birth certificate though. your son might decide he loves his full name, or might one day which to change his name to "start again" (I know several people who did this when they started uni, went by middle name, or chose a new nickname etc) so I think it is nice to have the choice.

I dislike them shortened version of my name but EVERYONE ends up calling me it, I like introducing myself to new people by my full name and it makes me happy when people get it right :)

AmberLav · 05/03/2015 08:31

MY DS has a name that can be shortened, and I thought we might shorten it, but once he arrived, it became very clear that he was more suited to the long name, as he is quite a serious child... He might choose to shorten it himself in future, that will be his choice...

But if you hate the long name, them I would consider changing it...

Annahmolly · 05/03/2015 09:15

Is it one of those diminutive names, ending in -ie? I personally feel a bit sorry for boys who are called "Alfie", as it's a very childish sounding name that won't suit anyone over the age of 12, in my opinion. Better to have the option to be called Alfred once you hit puberty.

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