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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Annoying chaplain at the hospital

28 replies

Pantone363 · 04/03/2015 13:51

DS had an appt this morning at children's outpatients.

As soon as we sat down a lady came over and introduced herself as the hospital chaplain "just going around having a chat with people".

She then sat down and made polite small talk for 20 minutes until we were called for our appt. you know the kind of small talk with me and DS about weather/tv programmes/what school do you go to etc. TBH it was just painful, the kind of conversation with awkward silences before and "...so DS what hobbies do you like etc"

AIBU to just find it intrusive and bloody annoying. It would have been nice to just sit and chat with DS for twenty minutes without having to make awkward uninvited conversation with a stranger.

OP posts:

Salmotrutta · 04/03/2015 14:03

Well, I'm sure shewasonly trying to be nice?

Maybe she was making herself "available" in case you had fears and worries or something?

Salmotrutta · 04/03/2015 14:04

she was only (sigh)

mabelbabel · 04/03/2015 14:11

. She should have realised you didn't really want or need to speak to her and moved on. Maybe she was new. But no harm done, really?

flora717 · 04/03/2015 14:14

You could have (after a few mins) said "thanks for your time, it's nice to know you're approachable and here if we need you again."

silveroldie2 · 04/03/2015 14:15

YANBU and totally agree OP. I was in hospital during September and October, confined to bed for six weeks on traction because I fell and fractured hip and thigh bone. During that time I had visits from several chaplains, more than once even though I politely explained I am an atheist.

One asked me if I felt empty inside to which I replied definitely not. She then said that her faith was a huge comfort. I politely replied that well, she would, since she was a chaplain. Fortunately didn't see her again.

Original poster

Pantone363 · 04/03/2015 14:15

Surely part of her job is talking, people skills and picking up on subtle conversation cues (closed answers, body language) should be part of that?

No, no harm done. But annoying and it would have been nice to have a rare twenty minutes chatting with DS instead of making polite conversation with a stranger.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 04/03/2015 14:16

Every single time I've had to go to hospital and been sat around waiting the person next to me has struck up a conversation - it's just what happens in waiting rooms. The fact it was the chaplain is irrelevant.

If you don't want to talk either excuse yourself to go for a wee or move/pick up magazines.

I'm also rubbish at this and end up with people telling me their life story.

Theas18 · 04/03/2015 14:23

Gawd someone was making nice conversation with you and your child and you took exception to it. She wasn't trying to convert you or anything was she?

No wonder we are such a lonely country where noine knows anyone!

Jackie0 · 04/03/2015 14:29

I'd hate this, I wouldn't mind chatting to another person who was waiting but I wouldn't be keen on a Chaplin or their ilk.
Bottom line is they aren't just passing the time , they have an agenda. Don't Christians see it as their duty to spread the good news ?
I'd just say ' well I won't keep you'. They would be pretty thick skinned not to move on the next lost soul.

WipsGlitter · 04/03/2015 14:29

Not sure but to recount my own encounter... DS2 diagnosed with downs syndrome at birth, the next day my sister was with me and a lady chaplain came in and said was it ok to come in etc etc. However DS does not have the 'typical' features of a child with downs (and I nearly always have to tell people what he has) so I could see her looking at him and then obv not being sure if she had the right room and not sure what to say and kind of hinting around all not being well etc so I told her he had Downs to put her at ease and she then asked could she say a prayer. My sister and I could not look at each other at this stage for trying not to laugh.

TheoriginalLEM · 04/03/2015 14:30

seems like abloody godsend to me. a chat with someone rather than entertaining a bored child

Salmotrutta · 04/03/2015 14:36

JackieO - I'm an atheist through and through but I know that Hospital Chaplains are there to provide an ear and a shoulder to cry on if necessary.
They aren't out to sign you up.
Not as far as I'm aware anyway!
Obviously if you aren't religious then you won't want to hear a lot of religious talk but mostly I'm sure they are just trying to be a good listener for people with troubles.

Jackie0 · 04/03/2015 14:44

I will admit to having a chip on my shoulder about this very topic.
When I was a school we had a weekly RE lesson from our local minister, he was a bloody tyrant, he would actually hit us!
My first job as a school leaver was in a clerical role in our local hospital and guess who the hospital Chaplin was .Then as if that wasn't bad enough whose name should crop up on the teatime news as being convicted of crimes against children?
So sorry , not the most balanced view admittedly, but they can all jog on.

shouldnthavesaid · 04/03/2015 14:48

Chaplains are not necessarily Christian. You don't have to be Christian to sign up and from experience trying to convert people would be seen as going against the role.

I think it's still only something used by folk that do have a faith or are very seriously ill, in hospital very long term, etc.

We have volunteer visitors, I'd hazard a guess that they're a lot more irritating. They are not invited by the patient but will visit every bedside anyway.

Jackie0 · 04/03/2015 14:48

Sorry op that wasn't really in the spirit of the thread.
Yanbu though

SaucyJack · 04/03/2015 14:51

Yes, it sounds very annoying but you also need to practice your "Fuck off" face.

DayLillie · 04/03/2015 14:52

I had a christian volunteer visitor when I was in hospital after mmc. Not of that religious persuasion, but they thought I needed one, as there was on DH, who was at work during the day and I was having a hard time. She was very sweet and polite and listened to my gripes (of which there were many by then). Never saw her again, but she made me smile.

ErrolTheDragon · 04/03/2015 14:54

YANBU - fine for her to introduce herself but she shouldn't have imposed on the time with your DS. If you've got more appointments to come, think up what you will say if she approaches you again. Straightforward truth is probably best 'If you don't mind, I'd rather spend this time just talking with my son, I'm sure you understand'.

RatMort · 04/03/2015 14:57

Undoubtedly annoying, but you need to be polite and firm about signalling that you prefer to talk to your child in this kind of situation. You don't actually need to say 'Sod off, irksome God-botherer.'

BreacaBoudica · 04/03/2015 15:06

You needed to say 'it's nice to meet you /been nice to chat to you but I'd like to chat to my son now, thanks'...

hareinthemoon · 04/03/2015 15:07

"Do you feel empty inside?"

"Oh no, this hospital food bungs you up good and proper, doesn't it? Haven't had a decent crap in ages."

Instituteofstudies · 04/03/2015 15:09

YANBU. I think she should have introduced herself and asked if you'd like to talk and to if not, to say how she could be contacted if you did want her during your ds's stay.

I'd not be up at all to talking to a chaplain. No probs with other patients/rellies etc

WandaDoff · 04/03/2015 15:19

Perhaps she was enjoying talking to you about normal things.
You don't know what else she has seen that day.

Generally they deal with bereaved families, or patients that are very ill indeed.

Still not acceptable but I'd rather think that its just her being oblivious, as you must need a wee bit of social awareness in her job.

ErrolTheDragon · 04/03/2015 15:19

I think if I found myself in a hospital waiting room with my DD and a chaplain intruded, it would probably occur to DD rather quickly in that setting to ask a few theological questions .. you know, about why God lets children get sick, that sort of thing.

bilbodog · 04/03/2015 15:23

reminds me of the time my DH was in hospital having suffered an epileptic seizure and recovering. A very nice lady chaplain came in and spoke to us for ages. DH replied to her questions and had quite a good conversation with her. Afterwards he had absolutely NO recollection of speaking to her at all!

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