To be a bit put out by this?

[LeetleSad]

Name changed as this could out me.

Yesterday was my 30th. I was taken out to the shard and then to fortnum and mason for posh ice cream. Yay!
Then I got home and found I had won tickets to a kids theatre show that is absolutely perfect for dd. All in all, a really great enjoyable birthday!!

Anyway, I was talking to my friend this morning about yesterday. She phoned and we were chatting about what I'd done for the day etc.
I mentioned the shard and before I could say how much I'd enjoyed it or anything at all she interuppted with 'but I told you it was not worth the money as I went when it opened but you went anyway! Why would you do that?' I was a bit taken aback really but basically responded 'because I wanted to go and DH bought me tickets as a gift as he knows I wanted to go. Have I upset you by going?' She kind of fobbed it off but she clearly was put out by this. Conversation continued. When I mentioned Fortnum&Mason and ice creams she said 'oooo veerrrryyy posh' in a bit sarcastic tone, I just continued talking.
I then said about the tickets. She was silent. I said 'are you still there?' And she said 'I can't believe you. You ignored me about the shard and went anyway when I tried to save you that money. You then gloat about going to f&m and wasting even more money and now your rubbing it in my face that you won't tickets to the show I wanted to take DS to! What kind of friend are you??'

I hung up.
Her DS turned one a few weeks back. He is somewhere around 18months to 2 years to young for this show. She has never ever mentioned it to me before.
Yes - when the shard opened and she visited she said she wasn't impressed. I didn't realise this was instructions that I am not allowed to visit myself!!

She called me back 3 times afterwards and I didn't answer. I've had a text now saying 'bit rude to hang up on me And then ignore my calls!!'

Yes I suppose ignoring someone's calls is rude but AIBU given all the above???

She is having some stresses in her own life and she is something of a label/brand snob.
Some of the stresses are money related so I get that she would be jealous.

She is naturally quite blunt and can be very abrasive. She has in the past seemed rather put out when her opinion isn't agreed with. And we've had words before regarding just that. If I am not agreein with her opinion then she seems to think I clearly am not understanding it and if it is explained enough times then eventually I will see that she is right. I told her to back the fuck off this seems to have lessened.

We've known each other about 4 years now. I wouldn't count her in my first circle of friends but classed her as close enough to include in my life if that makes sense.

I hug up instead of saying anything as I wanted to clear my head rather then say something and regret it. But unless she has something going on I don't know about (which is of course entirely possible) then her stresses are no more serious then mine or anyone else's.
Just saddened. And a little bit shocked really!!

Thanks for all the wishes. It was an awesome day!

It does sound a fantastic day. What a shame she couldn't say that herself.

She sounds awful.

Regardless of what's going on in her life, there's no excuse for expecting you to never go to a place she doesn't like, just because she doesn't like it.

What did you do at the Shard? I didn't realise it was a place you might go for an occasion, or pay to go to.

And she shouldn't be judging how you "waste your money" either, even if she's a bit short on money right now.

And it's strange to be jealous of the tickets when her child is too young for the show.

I would suggest that she has more going on than jealousy though. I can understand how hearing about someone else's lovely day might be hard if you are having a bad one, or a string of bad ones, but a real friend should still enjoy hearing about your happiness rather than feeling bitter about it. Especially if her stresses are just the normal ones that everybody faces sometimes.

I would walk away I think. I wouldn't like the controlling aspect of her friendship, dictating how you should spend your time according to her likes and dislikes, or how you should spend your money according to her idea of how wasteful it is. And I wouldn't like being accused of gloating or rubbing it in just for talking about my day. Or the nasty texts afterwards.

I'm glad you had a lovely birthday. Don't let someone else's bitterness and bullying spoil it for you.

Something ore often asked on the Relationships board:

What do you gain by having this person in your life?

If she's normally kind and thoughtful and generous and makes your life better, then maybe call her back after a while and ask her if she is OK, because she acted out of character and it upset you and made you worried for her.

If she's not...

Dear 'friend', stop being a total wank. If you don't want to hear about my birthdays, I will refrain from sharing in future. Perhaps you could return the favour by not pushing your opinions (to the degree that I am apparently not allowed to go there) on places I want to visit. Also, if you want to win competitions for things your children, might I suggest entering them?

Your day sounds awesome.So glad your birthday went well and congratulations on the show tickets.Take no notice of 'friend'.She's batshit crazy.

so, you have discussed her issues with being bluntly determined and rude about others opinions and actions before. This habit might be something modelled by parents/sibs, or as she created as a defensive mode. Maybe she can learn knew ways, maybe she can't, but you don't have to put up with it.

For whatever reasons, this the person her life created. If you want to keep her around, bluntly tell her that she was doing it again, to such an extent that you had to cut her off because you didnt need to have your lovely day ruined by someone bullying you about it. Then tell her that's the new system, when she crosses the line between conversing and bullying, you will hang up, or walk away if possible. If you can't, you will simply tell her that she is bullying, not conversing; and whatever is being discussed is now finished.

Whether or not you want to ever follow up with examples of better responses, as you would a child, is up to you. As with anything involving behaviour, she has to accept she is actually wrong before she will care to fix it.

I understand she thought it was a waste of money but in her shoes I'd have said 'oh did you enjoy it, you know it wasn't my cup of tea but glad you liked it.' To keep hammering home her point about it was ott. I'd remind her that you are an adult with your own mind and just cause she didn't like something doesn't mean you'd feel the same and wanted the experience yourself' happy birthday OP

What do you want to do, OP?

Have you had enough and want to drop the friendship? Or do you want to stay friends with her?

She sounds completley bananas and exhausting.

I think ignore her for good.

My professional opinion?

She's on glue

My parents can be like this. If they have given their opinion on something as not worth it, to still want to do it/buy it is taken as a direct insult to them.

You have chosen to spend your money in a way she wouldn't instruct you to spend your money. You have spent money on things she not only doesn't value, but you know she doesn't value and you've clearly put your opinion on these matters above hers. She's put out by this.

I would suggest you stop talking to her about your life, what you are doing. Generally ease her out. She doesn't see your friendship as equal. Your opinions should not have equal weight as hers. Ease her out.

Just text her back and say
"I hung up on you and didn't answer your calls as I was so shocked at your attitude towards what I had done for my birthday. I had thoroughly enjoyed my day, and I really didn't expect a friend to be so rude and critical of what I had chosen to do. I would also have expected a friend to be delighted for me that I had won the tickets, which you clearly weren't".

How dare you disobey her and visit the shard. How dare you have a different opinion to her. How dare you have treats on your birthday.

How very controlling of her. And jealous.

Send her a text/email when you're ready. She's been rude to you and, whilst you are being rude to her, it's for reasons of not telling her fuck off and waiting till you've calmed down enough to have a reasonable conversation that you won't regret later.

Maybe send her a text to say you'll be in touch in a few days?

Glad you had a great day - I'm jealous about the shard! (how dare you) Happy birthday for yesterday!

Thanks for replies!

The Shard was incredible. Can see for miles and miles in all directions. We were so lucky and had beautiful bright clear skies. Plus as we went early we got there and there was absolutely no queue. And about 5 people up at the top! By the time we were leaving there were 15 minute queues and the viewing platforms were starting to get busy (30/40 people maybe)
It is a bit expensive but I think it is totally worth it as the views are amazing.
I'm a Londoner. LOVE my city and being able to see everything was amazing, a bit surreal and in some ways a reality check. If that makes sense.

Also, have to add that the customer service was second to none. The lady who showed us to the first lift was literally the happiest chirpiest smiliest person I've ever met!!

You can use the toilets on level 68 and they have full length glass windows. It's kinda strange to be having a wee looking down at Tower Bridge and Canary Wharf!!!

As to my 'friend' - cutting her off completely is a very difficult option - she's married to dh's close friend. But I shall distance myself I think.

Go with easing out of your 'close friendish' category, so just lots of "yes, we really should meet up soon, so busy at the mo!" and not being available. Share no information with her.

Something I've learned with dealing with my parents being like this, I never ever tell them about something I'm going ot do or any problems I might have. They will then tell me their opinion of it or ways they could deal with the problem. Having told me this, they then feel I'm obliged to take their idea/opinion as the one I will do/follow. Doing anything else is offensive to them. Therefore, I would never say "I'm thinking of replacing the car, we've been looking at a X", (this would invite opnions on X, if negative, then I would be very in the wrong to buy it anyway. Even if they like X, they might well have strong opinions about where I should buy it from, if I should wait a few months to get it etc) but "We changed the car and I'm driving an X now." Done, sorted. Avoid telling prices or where from, to avoid being told they could find it cheaper /better service etc elsewhere...

It's draining having people like this in your life, I have little choice as it's parents, but with a friend, I'd be minimising contact to just being "the wife of DH's friend" not "my friend".

I was so stupefied by her telling you off for going to the Shard, I couldn't imagine anything other than dropping her for good. But Momagain1's advice is actually perfect :)

Glad you had such a lovely birthday!

Wow. I was going to ask if she's under great stress, but given your update about what she's generally like, I just say she's a jealous cow bag TBH

My mum took me for dessert/drink at the shard (oblix I think?) was amazing I still remember what I had... mmmm

Text her back:
"Sorry, my diamond shoes were pinching and that caused me to drop my gold-plated iphone 6. Now, what was that you were saying about wasting my money?"

I would text her back
"Yes, I did put the phone down on you but that was because you were upsetting me greatly and I didnt want to continue with the conversation. I understand that you didnt enjoy the Shard when you went but I did not understand that this meant you seem to feel it right to impose a blanket ban on eanyone of your acquaintance ever visiting it. I wanted to go for my birthday, we went and I really enjoyed it. The ice cream was just a birthday treat so I have no idea why you feel the need to comment in a sarcastic manner. You have never told me that you wanted to take your child to the theatre so I was in no way 'rubbing it in' that we had tickets. I had a really lovey birthday and you tainted it with your nasty attitude. Call me when you are ready to apologise."

But frankly, ditch the bitch - life is too short!! And Happy Birthday!!