to only have one child?

[DecaffTastesWeird]

I have a 10 week old DD who is wonderful and not a particularly difficult baby. Since we had her I can't help thinking how much I don't want any more children.

I know it's early days and I could change my mind later, but if I don't...? Was discussing with Dsis recently who pointed out how much nicer it would be for DD to have a sibling. Would it be selfish of me to deprive her of this? Is is not cruel to have a baby I don't want for DD's benefit? Can't help thinking I'd be a horrible mother with two!

I know lots of larger families and, although they are very happy, their lifestyle seems hellish to me!

Finacially, emotionally and physically, I don't think I could cope with any more. AIBU or at least a bit selfish? Feel sorry for DD if she wants a sibling and doesn't have one.

Families come in all shapes and sizes. As long as they are happy and loved, they are all fine.

But I would say that I wouldn't make any snap decisions with a newborn. If this is something you haven't had a view on previously, I'd let the dust settle.

This has been done a lot recently. Have a rake around and you'll find the threads.

It is early days at only 10 weeks. Wait til she's one (or she's at least sleeping through the night!) then you can assess your situation.

Nothing wrong with a one child family.

Not in the slightest! You should do what is right for you not everyone else! DD will be just as happy if she has plenty of friends and mixes with family children. Just ignore all the negative comments, they're just jealous you will be having nicer holidays because you can afford it!

Do what is right for you. There is no other way. My son was an only child. He doesn't seem to have suffered from it. He is 30. I have three kids at home now. They are quite happy as a sibling group. Parenting is unique to each child. Funnily enough, I don't think parenting 3 is more difficult. It is more repetitive tho.

There's no right or wrong. Have the family that you and your partner want and that feels the right fit for you.

I don't think your being unreasonable or selfish. I love having my siblings, but my daughter is likely to be an only child. I am a single parent but even if I was with a new partner, I think that between my daughter, a new man, studying, work, home life, friends and family I wouldn't have enough time to give another child all that they need. Everyone is different. Don't let anyone bully or guilt you into having a second child (or third or fourth !) some people chose to have no children, are they unreasonable or selfish? We all make our own life choices. I personally think: I got the perfect child first time and I'm so lucky that she's happy and healthy and thriving. I don't need to re-populate the planet! Love this kid lol!

We have one dd. Thought we wanted more, but now she is 6, we have decided we really can't be bothered going through it all again. I think this was the family we were supposed to have, but everyone is different. You are allowed to change your mind. I don't think people should judge though. I hate it when people act as though I am depriving my daughter by not having another child. I am one of 5 siblings and I don't think I am depriving her at all and I love my sisters and brother.

I'm sorry but this really alarms me. Seriously, do people really plan their families against all emotional, financial sense etc because of throwaway comments from outsiders?

It's bewildering to me that anybody has to ask if they are unreasonable having whatever number of children. Are we so incapable of making these very personal decisions?

I'm also bewildered (if I'm honest) by the amount of people on here who find it extremely tough going with two or more kids. Why didn't they stop at one, I always think. More kidsare only ever going to be harder, not easier.

I have one kid. It's very very hard. So I'll quit while I'm ahead, seems blindingly obvious to me.

"Lord no! Next one will be a dog!" usually shuts people up, without being rude or seeming angry.

We have one. He's great. He's full on. I couldn't handle him plus a newborn/baby/crawler/toddler. Plus the whole birth thing was horrific.

Enjoy your baby

I'm an only child, never bothered me not having a sibling!

If I ever manage to have one i'll be eternally happy and won't push my luck.

You'll be depriving her of what exactly....sibling rivalry? competing for your attention, time and resources? having an annoying younger 'trail' copying her, fighting with her, blaming her for things and taking her stuff? maybe having to share a bedroom when she wouldn't otherwise? wanting to send the new baby back because she feels jealous?
Being an only child is excellent, because you can have friends and close relationships which last a lifetime, but you can also go back to your own home and have a safe space and parents who have your back (rather than having to referee between two children with potential favouritism/'you should know better because you are older' etc).

Thanks all! Think a few convos with various people made me think I was being selfish to say I only want one! It had occurred to me before I had DD that I might only like one - knowing larger families and a few one child families I sort of knew. Might be eating my words in a year or two obvs!

Also lovely to hear not all only children longed for siblings CaptainHammer!

you may or may not change your mind - that's your perogative.

Don't set anything in stone at this early stage, though - I thought I was done a few weeks after both of my boys were born... and both times I changed my mind.

there's nothing wrong with having one child, there's nothing wrong with having more. No-one's business but yours.

BestZebbie, I am going to note down exactly what you just said as a reminder! Thanks

I knew when i had my DD that i wouldn't want any more children.
My DH got the snip before her first birthday and I've never regretted our decision.
Don't pay any attention to other peoples opinions, they don't matter, what matters is that its your choice, no one else's!