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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why couples still use those stupid poems in wedding invites?

19 replies

mynameissecret · 03/03/2015 09:29

I wouldn't mind a gift list or even a honeymoon activity list but I think just asking for honeymoon cash is so hated why would you still do it? Or is it just MN that hate it? And the rest of the world doesn't know?

OP posts:
RainbowFlutterby · 03/03/2015 09:31

I don't gave s problem with people asking for cash - it's just the shitty/cheesy poems that really get on my tits.

RainbowFlutterby · 03/03/2015 09:32

Confused That should be have a, not 'gave s'!

thehumanjam · 03/03/2015 09:36

Yes I hate it. I think it's really off asking for money and the cheesy poem makes the people look unhinged. However planning a wedding seems to turn lots of sane ordinary people into complete fools.

Bambambini · 03/03/2015 09:39

My niece did this for her wedding last year. All of her friends (all mid 20's) have been getting married in the last few years and all have had huge traditional weddings so It's probably quite common amongst her group.

I was surprised at the poem asking for money in the invite but they are all lovely, intelligent young people and the wedding was a lovely affair. She and her friends obviously don't read Mumsnet which sets the tone of the nation in terms of good taste and what is acceptable. Maybe we are just getting old.

Generally I have no problem with people requesting money or having a wedding list. Makes life a lot easier.

TheoriginalLEM · 03/03/2015 09:43

There is a simple solution to this madness - don't spend ££££'s on a lavish wedding spend it on your honeymoon or things you need instead.

Feckeggblue · 03/03/2015 09:45

We didn't have a gift list and most people gave cash or vouchers anyway . I've given cash to almost every couple whose wedding I've attended for years. No need for the cheesy poem even if if is what you want.

To be honest I've found poems tend to come from people who are a little
Rude anyway; a little bridezilla;
A little controlling. Just a little though :)

MsAspreyDiamonds · 03/03/2015 09:50

On Asian wedding invitations there is a sentence which states 'we kindly request no boxed gifts please'. It could be worded more eloquently but it's not as naff as a poem and wishing well.

vladthedisorganised · 03/03/2015 10:03

I'm with RainbowFlutterby - if the couple really need cash, then fair enough, but FGS, please don't download yet another twee poem off the bloody internet that doesn't scan properly . Half of them rather rub your nose in it if you're strapped for cash too...

"For many years we've lived in sin
We've got the kettle and the stainless steel bin
Saucepans and towels we have many
Corkscrews and flannels we don't need any.."

We got one recently that included the wishing well idea - "and if you're generous then we're sure
That you will get what you wished for!"
Not mercenary at all, that. Hmm

I suspect a lot of couples download these poems without actually reading them first.. (is there a market for twee thank-you poems too?)

Original poster
mynameissecret · 03/03/2015 10:04

At least no boxed gifts can be taken as no presents

OP posts:
merrymouse · 03/03/2015 10:12

Couldn't you reply in verse.

"You certainly seem to have a lot,
But cash have I, not a jot!
I'll give you a vase and you can say thank ye,
Or else I'll think you're a little bit wanky".

Bambambini · 03/03/2015 10:13

no. No boxed gifts means money is expected. That is the gift. Obviously Asia covers a huge area and different people. In Chinese weddings it's all about the money. Guests are expected to give money and at least cover the cost of their invite. That's why they are able to have such huge elaborate weddings. The guests pay for it, at least in part.

RobbStarksBitch · 03/03/2015 10:22

I'm getting married in July, fairly big wedding in terms of guests (160ish) but we're doing things to a budget. We had to make a choice and that was invite everyone we wanted there and sacrifice a few luxuries or have a smaller more expensive wedding with just close family. What we really wanted was a big party so that's what we're having Grin.

Just sent out our invitations and not a poem in sight! We haven't even got a gift list. If someone wants to very kindly buy us a gift or give us money then that's great but if not then we really don't care!

Trills · 03/03/2015 10:25

Asking for honeymoon donations is not universally hated. Not even on MN. I think it's perfectly sensible and reasonable.

Most people have only experienced the weddings of people they know, and only hear what people choose to say out loud.

They don't go on MN and
1 - see so many different ways of doing things,
2 - see people's honest reactions when they are not trying to be polite.

Miggsie · 03/03/2015 10:29

I must admit I wouldn't want to contribute to my friend's going somewhere to shag themselves silly for 2 weeks.
Particularly when it's the Maldives or the Seychelles where I couldn't afford to visit.

I don't mind contributing a gift to their life together, but my view is if you want to shag in an exotic country: pay for it yourself.

missusdaly · 03/03/2015 10:41

They do it because they 'believe their own hype'.

Bambambini · 03/03/2015 10:47

"I must admit I wouldn't want to contribute to my friend's going somewhere to shag themselves silly for 2 weeks.
Particularly when it's the Maldives or the Seychelles where I couldn't afford to visit.

I don't mind contributing a gift to their life together, but my view is if you want to shag in an exotic country: pay for it yourself."

I don't undestand this. You spend a certain amount of money on a gift - or you could give the same amount of money to your friends so that can actually spend it in something they really want. Do you actually like them?

WyldChyld · 03/03/2015 10:54

DH and I got married last year and had a long discussion about this. We ended up putting a small slip of paper into the invites with information about staying at the venue / local hotels in case people wanted to stay (as quite a lot of people had asked about it and we didn't know at the time). We also put a couple of sentences just saying that we were buying our first non-rented home in the next year, and "Rather than an official wedding list, any contributions to or vouchers for the “Carpets and Curtains” fund would be very gratefully received!"

We didn't want to sound grabby or twatty, and people said that they liked the wording of it because it wasn't twee or too demanding. Some people bought us presents, some brought cash or vouchers, some brought nothing - the only ones I was upset about were the ones who didn't bring a card as we'd talked about putting together a collage of our wedding cards, and you can get a card for 29p =D however, I would never have said anything to anyone, before anyone jumps on me...

crazykat · 03/03/2015 11:08

I don't mind couples asking for cash or putting a gift list in with the invite (as long as gifts are a range of prices and not minimum of £50).

I really don't like the twee poems though, I'd rather they just put a note in saying something like "we don't expect any gifts but if you'd like to give us something we have a list at... / something towards x that we're saving for".

I prefer gift lists or giving cash as I'd hate to give something that they have/isn't their taste.

Clockingoff · 03/03/2015 11:21

It's always much handier to stick a cheque in a card than go trailing around looking for a present. But it also puts pressure on guests who don't have a lot of spare cash and would prefer to get something that can't be accurately costed.
Also, there's something nice about an elderly person saying 'that was a wedding present' when you admire something in their house. It's a reminder of why the tradition of giving presents to people getting married started in the first place ie to help young couples leaving home for the first time to set up their first home together.

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