to do something as people always seem to find me an easy target to pick on

[maryjolisalondon]

There is something about me that makes me a target for people to pick on. Its not me being paranoid as my friends have noticed it. It could be some teenagers, my neighbour or a shop worker that decides to have go at me, its all happened in the last few days and they were all bu.

I'm mid 30s, but look ten years younger, slim, pale and placid. I haven't shouted at anyone in my life in the last 10 years but I always seem to attract people that are aggressive and shout at me in life.

Is there something I can do to stop this? Start being aggressive, put on weight, get a tatoo, get a spray tan?

Well the shop worker you could complain about. That would be one person who would think twice about doing it again.

The shop worker was just for a small independent so sadly wouldn't get anything from that. I'd like to just stop being seen as this weak person that people take stuff out on

You need to perfect your 'resting bitch face' and the eyebrow raise. I seem like an easy target till I give people 'the look' and the eyebrow raise that says 'you really are a fuckwit' I find that works.

What some people see as ordinary day-to-day life, others see as 'picking on'. Confrontation is a normal part of life in large complex societies.
Perhaps some help about dealing with confrontation?
I doubt AIBU would be the place for that, though you'll get plenty of practice here!

Well what did they say? It's hard to know whether you're being over sensitive or not.

The teenagers started throwing sweets at me and saying something about my jumper. The neighbour started shouting at me because I wanted his security light to be pointing down and not at my bedroom window. The shop worker called me out on bad manors as I didn't say please when I asked for my receipt, I didn't feel like I needed to do so as he wasn't doing his job properly and I would of sounded sarky.

They are knobs, they are everywhere and it's not just you.

I agree with Fluffyears - you need to perfect your 'resting face'. Often people don't realise what their resting face is until it's pointed out to them, so it's possible that you look anxious or scared, even though you're not feeling that way, which might make you an easy target. Yes I speak from personal experience - still trying to perfect mine! I too look 10-15 years younger than I am, and people often treat me like a little girl. It is crap.

Right pocket mirror out, I think your onto something, I do have that scared look. What I want to look like is some bitch who will punch your just for giving the wrong look. So a bit angry and snarled right?

Seek some courses on self esteem and assertion
you don't need to snarl, just spend some time learning to be assertive

I don't think that's the issue or the reason ransoms pick on me.

I agree with Ronald

Self esteem and natural confidence sends a message and people who have it don't need to be aggressive in order to be treated with respect.

Check you eyebrows, OP. Some people (David Furniss for one) have eyuebrows that go up in the middle; it makes them look permanently anxious and hand-wring-y.

Get them sorted so they go straight across (or down in the middle for a fuck-off hard stare )

Do you feel like you are a confident person and are able to stand up for yourself Maryjo?

I used to be severely lacking in self confidence after being bullied and it turned out that for me, it wasn't that people picked on me more or less than they picked on other people, (there are loads of dickheads around - the human race is littered with them.) but that I didn't stick up for myself when they did and so I was left feeling angry and hurt afterwards.

If that is how you feel then it might be worth thinking about why this is the case for you... As Thoth says, AIBU might not be the best place for help on dealing with confrontation... How about Relationships on the Body and Soul category? I think you can ask for this thread to be moved...

As for the specifics, the teenagers are just being teenagers... I would try not to take that to heart if possible, although I am sure it was hurtful that they made personal comments about you. I am sure there was nothing wrong with you or our jumper though - it could have just as easily been someone else walking along at the time who was their target - teenagers are just foul when tribal.

The shop worker is just a knob too - there was no need for him to be so rude and you would have been reasonable to tell him so too.

In terms of your neighbour, how did you approach him? Is he always like that?

Hope you are ok...

It's all in the eyes. Perhaps perfect a hard stare for knobheads, but in order to look assertive in general you need to look people in the eyes. Otherwise you look like a pushover. I really need to listen to my own advice

My eyebrows do go up in the middle! Worried about changing them, there's so many people with threaded eyebrows who look awful

Thanks hiipy. I'm really not sure if I stand up for myself. With the teenagers I just ignored. With the neighbour when he was shouting (and spitting) at me I didn't raise my voice I just said "i just don't want your bright light waking me up, so it would be nice if you adjusted it" but as he was being aggressive and it was obvious we weren't going anywhere I walked away as both of us shouting helps no one. With the shop worker I just gave him a stunned look as I was shocked.

Well, your neighbour sounds like a delightful chap!

He might move the light anyway - if not, you need to channel your inner headmistress / resting face / raised eyebrow for your next meeting with him!

Being more assertive is pretty easy once you get the hang of it, although some people are just dickheads.

I've heard some men say that they like being a bit overweight, tattooed etc because it makes them seem tougher.

Similar build and appearance here OP, and it happens to me too. Although it seems to be worse in certain parts of the country than others. I tend to attract a few oddballs who are in a bad mood at that day who have just basically randomly shouted at me in public. I even had an older woman bang on the bonnet of my car when I stopped at a zebra crossing the other day for her - going slowly, stopped gently, in plenty of time - she was just an absolute nutter.

Unfortunately, for them, if I do look timid or something, I'm not at all timid in reality, and tend to shout back at them, with a few choice targeted insults included. In fact, I now tend to say something like "Oh gawd, not another bloody ranting weirdo. Can't you take your frustrations out somewhere else? Please never let me turn into some weird ranting nutter however old/mad/bad/sad I get in life"

The problem is though, not how you react back, but the fact that you should have to in the first place. The world is just full of bullies waiting to have a go, and slim, young looking women are an obvious target.

This used to happen to me. Now I think 'don't try that sh*t with me' and somehow that radiates outward and people know not to bother. When I'm feeling worn out or sorry for myself and thinking 'why are people always getting at me?' Then that radiates out too and I get it from someone. So it's about your internal message. There's always going to be confrontation in life, but try thinking 'what an idiot of them giving me an earful' not 'why are people always picking on me?' Turn it back on them, it's there problem not yours and the more you realise that the happier you'll be.