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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have a 7yr old DS that has zero concentration??!!

24 replies

BaggyFanny · 01/03/2015 17:53

Any help or advice greatly received as I am at my wits end. I am being continually pulled up by my DS's teacher as he has no concentration or focus. He has the ability but no focus. At all! He sits right in front of the teacher as he needs to be pulled up all the time for chatting, messing about blah blah blah. It's driving his teacher, and me, mad! Can you do anything about this or is it to do with emotional maturity that his teacher says (and I agree with!) he is lagging behind with in comparison to his peer group. Can you, or would you want to 'speed up' a little boy's emotional maturing?

The only thing he brightens up for is Minecraft. We did ban it during the school week and after this weekend, this will be back in force. As you can imagine he has no problem concentrating on this and has to be peeled of it. Should I ban it completely? He would be heartbroken and I don't want to take something away from him that he loves and chats about with his friends! Sorry for the essay!

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JugglingLife · 01/03/2015 17:57

Oooh baggy, snap! My DS (DC3), super bright, has the concentration of a gnat. Between the pair of them (DS and teacher), they have both had to make changes, DS has made an effort to 'comply' and Teacher has realised that DS is amazing and intelligent but a little distracted, they muddle along. Is he bored do you think?

Pomegranatemolasses · 01/03/2015 17:59

Well, you can't 'speed up' his emotional maturity. I'd be more interested in what strategies and techniques the teacher has in place to help his concentration. Or is it simply a matter of sanctions without any inbuilt reward when he does focus. Any further investigations by the school as to why he is lagging behind?

Don't ban minecraft completely - that would be cruel.

Original poster

BaggyFanny · 01/03/2015 18:04

I think that he is bored but as a previous teacher has said, they can't make every single second of the school day totally fascinating! Just like I can't make life out of school completely free from boring chores! He is very dreamy with a highly active imagination but doesn't have the drive or focus to turn that into anything creative like drawing or writing stories. Wouldn't mind a light being turned off when he leaves a room or the toilet being flushed, at the least.

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Aeroflotgirl · 01/03/2015 18:07

oooooh my ds just turned 3 has the concentration of an amoeba, he has a severe speech and lang delay, seeing SALT and refer to Paed, he is bright and capable, but rather obide by his own agenda, does not wish to sit in circle time in nursery, but run around racing cars. I am watching with interest.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/03/2015 18:09

his understanding is great, and he is very independent. Oh drat, I was the same as a child, I used to run about and rather be doing something else than concentrating, pay back time for me I think.

nochocolateforlentteacake · 01/03/2015 18:10

Sounds like mine too! An old teacher recommended 'where's wally' books to help.

Original poster

BaggyFanny · 01/03/2015 18:13

Hi Pome, in my heart I agree that his emotional maturity is what it is and that develops organically, I think I'm a bit frazzled by it all. However I'm anxious that he wafts about in a wee dream. He's not behind in class at all. His teacher says that he seems a million miles away and he'll then answer a question that he's asked. He just is extremely distracted and then starts to distract other children.

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addictedtosugar · 01/03/2015 18:15

OK. Where's Wally in the amazon basket for DS1's upcoming 6th birthday.
Any other suggestions? Mine looks like he has ants in his pants 99% of the time, and when that's combined with a bony bottom, and him liking sitting on my knee, something needs to give!

JugglingLife · 01/03/2015 18:16

Out of interest baggy , how experienced is the teacher? If my little bugger of a DC3 had been a DC1 I would have been quite fretful. Teachers do need to make allowances for individual children, especially in infant school, they do all mature at different rates. How was he in Y1 and reception.

Pomegranatemolasses · 01/03/2015 18:17

Is there any way you could practise a type of mindfulness with him, or find some other 'grounding' technique?

Great that he's not behind in class though.

JugglingLife · 01/03/2015 18:18

Am a durr brain, you haven't even said what year he is on rugby, netball and wine

JugglingLife · 01/03/2015 18:20

Yes you did! He's 7! Is he in Y2?

HollyAndIvyTime · 01/03/2015 18:23

Aero there is a HUGE difference between a three year old and a seven year old. I wouldn't even bat an eyelid about this at three, many children that age are like that so I wouldn't worry yet!

screamtoabloodysigh · 01/03/2015 18:26

I'm a teacher and the parent of a 5 year old like this. From a teaching perspective, it can drive you absolutely round the bend (although mine are teenagers, so you'd expect a bit more concentration) - especially when they eventually hand in essays which are brilliant.

As a parent, I'd like to put ds' lack of concentration down to him being bored and not stimulated enough, but I think it's merely that he just doesn't concentrate on things that don't interest him but that's tough and he will need to. However, it can take up to about 7 (especially in boys) for the ability to concentrate to start to kick in.

Ds has been kept in at break for not finishing his maths work sometimes, whereas other times he can fly through it in minutes. A lot depends on what grabs him. It's the same reason as to why he can go upstairs for a wee and still be there an hour later, having adventures with a toilet roll or sheet of toilet paper. There is nothing I can do about him, so I'm just keeping an eye on him and trying to remind myself of the easy distracted kids who still do well in school.

Original poster

BaggyFanny · 01/03/2015 18:32

He's in Primary 3 and I'll give it to him, he's been totally consistent in the space cadet department. He's not behind… at the moment! His teacher is very experienced and somewhat tired. Pome, I'm really interested in the mindfulness thing. I'll look into that as well as stocking up on the Where's Wally? Thank you for all the suggestions!

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Camembertha · 01/03/2015 18:32

My son was like this. Luckily his teacher was very experienced and saud it was typical boy behaviour for that age.

Boys (and girls) that age want to be outside, explore and discover, not sitting inside one classroom from 9-4. You would not even expect that from a dog.

Basically it is not natural.

He'll get used to it , bit by bit, but give it time.

He'll be fine

Original poster

BaggyFanny · 01/03/2015 18:54

Scream: 'that he just doesn't concentrate on things that don't interest him'. This resonates with me totally. However, he is getting older and I need him to tune into what's happening on planet Earth occasionally! I I really appreciate everyone's replies. It's been a somewhat taxing weekend. Feeling a lot better. Thank you! I'm going to crack open the wine.

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Original poster

BaggyFanny · 01/03/2015 19:06

Came - I totally agree with it not being natural to be sitting inside all day. I help out with the Outdoor Learning classes at the school. They learn to make knots and then create dens and swings. No problems with any of the children concentrating in that lesson.

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TwoOddSocks · 01/03/2015 19:32

Some children, particularly if a little immature respond better to a short term reward system. So saying concentrate now and play mine craft later is meaningless to them because it's just too far in the future to affect them right now. Maybe you and the teacher can come up with some kind of positive reward system that is a bit more immediate for him? Would it help him to get 5 minutes to walk around/do an errand for the teacher every so often if it means he concentrates better the rest of the time.

He's only 7, in some countries he would have only just started school! Little kids aren't really designed to sit at a desk for hours each day, it's not surprising some of them struggle.

DandyHighwayman · 01/03/2015 19:44

Stupid q but has he had hearing and eye tests since starting school.

Original poster

BaggyFanny · 01/03/2015 19:48

TwoOddSocks - Yes, his teacher is very good and does give him the occasional errand to do. Although initially he would be found wandering the corridors in a daydream, and had to be taken back to class. He's better at this now and can achieve the errand and getting himself back to class! He is very proud of himself with regards to this. Bless. I agree that he's only young so I don't come down on him too hard. He reminds me of the Little Prince, quite unworldly. On the other hand he really boils my piss a lot sometimes.

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Original poster

BaggyFanny · 01/03/2015 19:50

Dandy - Yes, had his eyes and hearing tested. All in fine working order but just used selectively!

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Purplepoodle · 01/03/2015 21:51

Had he an iep in place? Ds1 who is 7 has the attention span of a knat if it doesn't interest him so ends up having a dander around the classroom distracting others. So teacher has given him three targets to meet 1. He stays in his seat during lessons, 2. He puts his hand up instead of shouting at 3. To stay sitting on the mat at mat time. He gets stickers and stamps if he manages to do these things each day. He is slowly improving. He has been diagnosed with ADHD - the attention side mainly as you send him to do something like getting dressed or getting a pencil in class and then you find him playing with toys as he seems to have completely forgotten why he was there. Add his 3 year old brother into the mix who follows his own agenda completely at preschool, they make an interesting pair lol.

Not saying your son has special needs but senco may be able to offer techniques in the classroom to help him focus or pull back his attention.

Iv started him on fish oils and research has shown that they can improve concentration up to 60% in add children so fingers crossed.

sqibble · 01/03/2015 22:33

I think my one like this improved in about year 3. Seemed to get a bit more competitive with her friends, slightly more engaged. And by then knew she wasn't getting away with doing no work.

Her mind is still all over the place, always coming up with mad ideas and going off on a tangent. But she seems to be doing enough now when she needs to.

Tactics used have been giving her something to hold at carpet time, sending her back to do the work again if it's not up to standard, sitting her with people she doesn't like much so not so much chatting.

I asked her teachers several times if they thought she had ADHD but they said not. She cannot sit still, she's always moving.

If it gives you any reassurance (and I know everybody on Mumsnet says it) she's doing really well academically now (aged 9) and I think reaching her potential more. She's particularly good at story writing and art and has a great imagination. It can be an asset, honestly, eventually.

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