Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable about my friend messaging my son like this?

48 replies

Caff2 · 27/02/2015 21:42

I have a very old friend (of 20 years, we met when teenagers) who is my DS1's godfather. DS1 is 15 this year. My friend had a facebook chat with DS1 last night - I only know about this because my son told me - where he said he was sorry for not being a very good godparent, and if DS1 wanted to chat to him any time, he could. And that if he wanted to talk about any issues with his parents (us!) or anything, then he would always be there to listen. Friend has only met DS1 a handful of times since he was very little.

DS1 told me and said he thought it was a bit weird, and that my friend seemed to want him to "open up" about his life and particularly any issues with us as parents that he didn't feel he could talk to us about. Well, I assume he hasn't got any as he told me all about this message conversation, and seemed to find it quite funny.

I don't even know why I feel a bit uncomfortable about this, so maybe that means I am, in fact, being unreasonable.

OP posts:

HoundoftheBaskervilles · 27/02/2015 22:18

I think that's lovely, that's what Godparents are for, I imagine your friend had a couple of glasses of wine, saw your DS & got the FB volubility.

A a 15 year-old I would have found this deeply strange, as an adult I find this deeply nice.

claraschu · 27/02/2015 22:19

I thought this was sort of a standard godparent's job: telling a child that he can always confide in the godparent if he has a problem he doesn't want to discuss with parents.

Original poster

Caff2 · 27/02/2015 22:21

No, no! I DO like him! Very much, actually. But I also know him well, and I know that while very, very well meaning, he takes things very seriously and can sort of over analyse things that really aren't that important in the whole run of things. He's a very, very nice person.

As a teen, I was very keen to be very emotional about things and over think, and he is still quite like this in that he really likes to talk about things a lot from an emotional point of view. If you know what mean?

OP posts:

Original poster

Caff2 · 27/02/2015 22:22

I think maybe HoundoftheBaskervilles has it, actually!

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 27/02/2015 22:23

YABU

He's trying to fulfil a duty not belonging to a parent.

Quite nice of him really.

PrettyFeet · 27/02/2015 22:24

Yes I think she has it in a nutshell too. Not sure why you didnt see it that way though.

youmakemydreams · 27/02/2015 22:25

I think it's lovely as well.
I can also see where your friend is coming from as well. I am a parent of three and if I'm honest I didn't always get my kids emotions when the were smaller, I go the hang of it eventually because I was doing it every day. I have to say though now dd is hitting the teenage years I get the angst much more I can relate to it better because I remember it better. I get why she hates me sometimes
Maybe it has dawned on him his godson is 15 and at an awkward age when it comes to confiding in his parents and can relate to him better now so has put that offer out there as another adult your ds can go to if he needs it, especially as you say he is a bit of a talker and fixer anyway.

BIWI · 27/02/2015 22:29

So he's someone you trust, and like. And he's offered your son, his Godson, the opportunity to talk to him if he needs to, and now you think this is weird?

I think that's really sad.

Original poster

Caff2 · 27/02/2015 22:29

Well, at least we're in agreement about something PrettyFeet

OP posts:

PrettyFeet · 27/02/2015 22:38

If a friend had have approached my son at his age, my son would have done the same. I however would not have thought this weird

BoredFatCat · 27/02/2015 22:42

i dont think there is anything sinister about this

Original poster

Caff2 · 27/02/2015 22:43

Ah well. It's not a big deal. My friend has just coincidentally started a message thing with me on FB asking how my new job is going. Which, thankfully, is really well! I'm going to our home town tomorrow to meet another friend so will probably meet him for a drink (partly because I am incorrigibly nosy - ah, the hypocrisy! - and want to hear all about his new relationship

OP posts:

VixxFace · 27/02/2015 23:51

You posted this before. ..

Original poster

Caff2 · 27/02/2015 23:56

Did I?? Well I've forgotten then. But he must have done it before then! When did I post it before?

OP posts:

Original poster

Caff2 · 28/02/2015 00:12

I've just looked through my own "I started" posts! I see nothing like this!

OP posts:

Original poster

Caff2 · 28/02/2015 00:15

And so I reported the VixxFace post, as I knew I hadn't posted this before but checked to check I wasn't going mad!

OP posts:

Mutley77 · 28/02/2015 00:59

I think that's really nice. There is loads of research that says it is good for teenagers to have a good role model and confidante outside of their family. What's wrong with your friend offering that? You put him in a trusted position with your ds.

My sil obviously sees herself as taking this role with my oldest dd. I hate the fact as She has loads of issues herself (underlying) and sees my dd as her substitute child. If I trusted her though I would think it was great and as is I just have to bite my tongue and make sure my not yet teenage dd is exposed to plenty of other more positive influence!!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 28/02/2015 18:28

nah just an attempt at actually being a godparent as that is hpw the role is portrayed, I often have guilt pangs and think about doing this for my dod daughter

MadisonMontgomery · 28/02/2015 19:00

Is that not what a Godparent is for? Presumably he must be a very close friend in the first place for you to have asked him, so not sure what the issue is.

Cherrychocolate · 28/02/2015 20:19

Sounds to me like he's feeling guilty for not playing a part in your sons life, so is trying to make up for it now.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Inkanta · 28/02/2015 20:50

I can understand you feeling uncomfortable.

pipsqueak77 · 28/02/2015 23:09

I can understand you wondering too... But if you trust your friend his intentions would have been good. I guess I just would have gone about it different way and maybe told you first that I was feeling bad about not being about much for your DS and that I would reach out to him to see if he needed anything. But maybe that's just me.

StarOnTheTree · 28/02/2015 23:46

I wouldn't like it. Yes it's good for young people to have others to talk to but it's more the parent thing that bothers me.

He could have said that he was there for your DS if he had any issues about anything or with anyone but the need to specifically state any 'issues with parents' was unnecessary.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread