To not bring a wedding gift?

[SillyPops]

My brothers wedding is coming up, it's abroad, it's costing me (and everyone else) over £1000 to get there. They do not live there, and have no connection to the country, that's just where they decided to get married.

Am I unreasonable to not get them a wedding gift? I think in this instance it should be presence not presents!!

My mother was horrified and thinks I'm being really rude. In case it matters, they are both very successful and have everything they could desire, I'm poor and in debt!

Let the MN jury decide....

Presents aren't obligatory.

I wouldn't take one.

Presents aren't obligatory.

I wouldn't take one.

Maybe you could do a photo album of their relationship? Or maybe take out a bottle of champagne? Maybe organise a trip to a local attraction/restaurant for them?

Under the circumstances, I wouldn't be spending any more than £30-50.

We are getting married where we live which is thousands of miles from many of our guests.
We have expressly asked people not to bring gifts! I am eternally grateful that so many people have chosen to come and have essentially had the location of their annual holiday dictated by our wedding. We have helped our immediate family and bridal party with travel costs (since we are saving on wedding and travel costs for us) but I would still never expect a gift.
It's unreasonable to expect people to use their limited luggage allowance on gifts and postage costs are huge and will get stung with import tax. Plus we already live together, we aren't setting up our new home!
Things that are small, thoughtful, handmade etc would of course be cherished but not expected, anything big or expensive or cash would just make me feel guilty!
OP in your position I'd try to think of something meaningful to the couple that is small and inexpensive if you would feel awkward not bringing a gift but don't feel obliged to bring anything.

Plateofcrumbs, thank you. Shall I confess now that I really don't like weddings? I have been married twice. Never had a white dress, never had a big do, never had a bridesmaid. Obviously it is sad to miss things in our childrens lives but if I had to miss one thing then the wedding was the obvious choice, particularly spending all that time with ex and his family, trapped in a hot hotel resort where people rarely leave the complex, probably because there is nowhere else to go. Probably the only thing I hate as much as weddings is hot weather.

Sorry that sounds so miserable but I burn easily, my white pasty skin looks grim, oh an to top it all I don't drink and they are all heavy drinkers.

Hell on earth? For me but not for all.

Wedding presents are also a minefield, I'd rather get the poem and that's saying something.

I would bring a card and a cheap gift, for example a bottle of champagne. Giving absolutely nothing would be rather conspicuous.

As with all weddings, if you can't afford to go, then don't!

I would take a card and a thoughtful/personalised (but not break the bank) gift.

There's no way I'd go to a wedding without any gift at all esp for a close family member.

He's your brother. Of course you buy him a gift.

I'd never have gone, if you want to get married abroad (and aren't from there) you should pay for guests or be if someone doesn't want to go.

I don't think you need get them a gift.

Be fine*

I think people making the effort to go is a gift. If people were spending a lot of money and time to come to my wedding I wouldn't want them to have the added burden of gifts.

I wouldn't take a present either. A nice card would be fine IMO.

No gift is fine. People invite you because they love you. No more.
You're very good to think of coming under such circs.

Write a song or some poetry that you can perform at the wedding

Realistically, if he is getting married abroad, he won't wantpeople turning up with a load of gifts he'll have to schlep back on the plane.