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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not just snap out of it

16 replies

Downinthedumps2 · 27/02/2015 17:35

Really need to be told to snap out of it and that I'm being unreasonable actually so be as harsh as you like! Pining after a guy who is obviously not as in to me as I am him. I'm trying really hard not to be pathetic after one night stand (never done that before for the record). Usually just friends and made a bit of an idiot of myself as I was obviously upset at his obvious attraction to somebody else this week. Feel like a teenager again, can't stop thinking about him and I'm just writing this post so I don't give in to the temptation to text him! What is wrong with me??

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/02/2015 17:39

It's life, 'the eternal triangle' - it happens. I'm very sorry that you're upset.

The ONS thing doesn't really make a difference; if he wanted to be with you, he would. I hope his friendship wasn't so special to you that you'll miss it.

Whatever you do, don't give in to your temptation to text him, you'll be so embarrassed when your feelings wear off. Delete his number, hold your head up and distract yourself as best you can.

neme · 27/02/2015 17:42

You have a crush. It'll wear off.

ahbollocks · 27/02/2015 17:44

He's not your friend sorry. People who like you dont play with you and discard you.
Learnt this the hard way after being sooo into a guy I used to work with.
Keep your chin up and ffs dont text, and dont reply to texts he send you after 10pm

Original poster
Downinthedumps2 · 27/02/2015 17:47

I do actually have to see him a lot and will probably remain friends to a point but I know you are right, I'm already embarrassed that it was pretty obvious I was jealous about attraction to other person! I really hope my feelings 'wear off' :(

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Original poster
Downinthedumps2 · 27/02/2015 17:50

Ahbollocks how did you just move on and get over it? I also have to work with him

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ahbollocks · 27/02/2015 17:56

Honestly I just started dating other people and realised some blokes absolutely worshipped the ground I walked on!
Obviously your ego shouldn't rely on who fancies you Blush but having a nice guy take you out and compliment you and not be checking out other women made me realise that actually I'm a fuck load better than just being something on the side.

ahbollocks · 27/02/2015 17:56

It did take about 2-3 months though

benefoots · 27/02/2015 17:58

You probably like him more because he is looking at someone else
This happened to me once.
My god how I fell in love, totally distraught that he ignored me. Went to places that I knew he would be. Made a complete fool of myself.
Thank god it was in the days before mobiles.
I must have wasted about 6 months trying to get his attention.
Looking back, he was a complete twat!
Put it down to experience and move on.
Also delete his number

Original poster
Downinthedumps2 · 27/02/2015 18:01

That is exactly what I need but can't seem to find! I've been single for a year, I've never felt so unconfident in my life, I used to be fine, really confident and happy in my skin but now I feel like I hate everything about myself, everyone is prettier etc and it's probably because this is the first guy I've really liked for ages and he doesn't like me back he prefers somebody else :( it's really knocked me and it's so pathetic I'm angry at myself! Need somebody to worship the ground I walk on lol! I've done the single thing for too long

OP posts:
Optimist1 · 27/02/2015 18:03

My logic is that since you're not usually given to ONSs, deep inside you equate sex with something meaningful. This deep-seated belief is making the aftermath of the ONS more upsetting than it should be. Have a word with your subconscious and put it down to experience. (If nothing else, it's reinforced your view that casual sex isn't for you.) Flowers

Original poster
Downinthedumps2 · 27/02/2015 18:08

Definitely agree with that optimist, I didn't just do it for the sex, I'm not usually in to ONS, I wanted to get closer to him, he obviously did just do it for sex though and really thinks I did too, it seems like men can separate sex and feelings a lot more than women can

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ahbollocks · 27/02/2015 18:09

I think tonight get yourself on some online dating sites, theyre nice for a little boost and get out and about! I actually met my dh on a 'poor me 'bender Blush he was the barman mixing up my double vodkas!

Original poster
Downinthedumps2 · 27/02/2015 18:19

I have been on some but really can't seem to find anyone i like, I found one guy I really like chatting to and he disappeared! I need to toughen up I think! Never really done the dating thing after being in relationship for 10yrs and I'm far too sensitive! I'll have to just keep trying I suppose. Is it bad that I just want a date so I can dress up and look lovely and rub it in his face that a lovely guy is taking me out :p

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Original poster
Downinthedumps2 · 27/02/2015 18:22

Oh and I wish I could go out on no poor me bender lol, I'm a single mum and all my friends have families and don't go out much

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ahbollocks · 27/02/2015 18:27

Aw no. Yeah you have to tOughen up. Its scary coming out of a long tern relationship though, I totally get that! And nooooo no attempts at making him jealous. Men are pretty straight forward creatures, if they want you then they'll go for it, and you get to decide if they're good enough for you.

The80sweregreat · 27/02/2015 19:57

Im pleased social media wasnt around when i was young! I was terrible for stalking guys, not getting the message they were not interested etc etc! I cringe at my 19 year old self. ( luckily i wasnt a total bunny boiler tho!)
I would do as others have suggested on here, try not to get too down over it all, maybe give OLD a go? Sorry you feel this way - i can sympathise.

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