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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be sad about this comment by my friend?

40 replies

Lookattheflowers · 26/02/2015 15:13

My friend and I are the same age (roughly 3 months difference with her being older)

A couple of months before her birthday we were talking about turning 25. She remarked - I can believe I'm going to be 25 and single, how pathetic is that? In front of our mutual friends (they all have partners and we were the single ones)

She then got a boyfriend a week later and they are inseparable.

It is my birthday in a couple of days and I just feel like this is how they all see me - sad and pathetic all because I'm single at 25.

OP posts:

magimedi · 26/02/2015 15:17

25 is but nothing - honestly.

How happy are all your friends?

Are these partners for life & are they all engaged.

Sounds like she has only been with her boy friend a few months - not exactly a real couple, are they?

Far better to be single & happy than in a crap relationship.

Booboostoo · 26/02/2015 15:20

Who wants to be in a relationship at 25?! Go have fun and enjoy yourself!

AntiHop · 26/02/2015 15:31

Just because she thinks like that doesn't mean they other people do. It sounds like she was feeling insecure about being single at the time. That's a reflection about how she felt about herself not necessarily how she felt about other people. It's sad that she feels she needs to be in a relationship for her own self esteem.

Hassled · 26/02/2015 15:33

25 is exactly when you should be out having fun and playing the field. You have years before you need to start fretting about singlehood, if ever.

StrawberryTallCake · 26/02/2015 15:34

Most of my friends are still single at 32 so don't stress!! Would you rather be in a shit relationship or happy, single and free to meet the right person when they come along?

Charlotte3333 · 26/02/2015 15:36

25 is an awesome age to be single. Hold your head up high and don't worry about what anyone else might think; you've not met the one yet so why on earth would you settle for something second-rate just to join their gang? I bet there's at least a couple of them who are with someone entirely unsuitable just so's they can shout "look at me, I'm not single any more".

Original poster

Lookattheflowers · 26/02/2015 15:58

Thank you you've all made me feel so much better.

One friend is married, one gets married in a couple of weeks and the rest of with life long partners.

I just feel like they look down on me, but I know I'm not ready for a good relationship yet. I want to just work on myself for now and make myself happy. I guess thats their problem.

OP posts:

Stinkersmum · 26/02/2015 16:02

Oh my goodness. I'd love to go back to being 25 and single!! Enjoy it. You've got years and years to do all the other stuff. Enjoy running your life to suit you totally :)

pilates · 26/02/2015 16:03

25 is a great age to be, still young but with added confidence.

Enjoy!

softlysoftly · 26/02/2015 16:07

Flee flee! Take your disposable income that just has to pay for one and travel, see shows, dine out, flirt with inappropriate men, stay in bed on a Sunday with chocolates and a book.

Then when you are all in your 30s, settled and tied down post photos of your free life and travels at 25 to Facebook and know they all wished they took their chance.

QTPie · 26/02/2015 16:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

fearandloathinginambridge · 26/02/2015 16:13

25 and single how wonderful. Your friends sound like boring old farts to be tying themselves down at that age. Go, enjoy your youth and freedom while you have it. In fact monogamy isn't all its cracked up to be so perhaps consider never shackling yourself to another person for life.

Clockingoff · 26/02/2015 16:14

It wouldn't even cross my mind to think a 25 year old who is single is sad or pathetic. In fact, I'd probably envy you more than some of your friends who sound very settled. This is the time when you should be travelling, meeting new people, feeling free to chop and change jobs and just go with the flow.
You will look back some day and laugh at how you used to think when you were 25!

londonrach · 26/02/2015 16:18

Wow to be just 25 and free and single. Op please just enjoy these special years. Dont get tried down too soon unless hes special!

Original poster

Lookattheflowers · 26/02/2015 16:18

Thanks I have actually lived and worked in the US twice since I graduated and I plan on going to Thailand later this year.

Also my friend has a fantastic deal to go to Paris.

So life is not too shabby.

I would just never imagine saying - Eurgh shacked up at 25, how sad and pathetic is that?

(I don't think that at all, but regardless I wouldn't feel the need to put down others choices in life)

OP posts:

RatMort · 26/02/2015 16:22

That this friend suffers from a frankly weird degree of self-hatred when single is no reflection of how anyone else feels. And the idea of 25 being some kind of milestone at which singleness is somehow tragic is plain odd. I'd be mixing up my friends a bit.

Discopanda · 26/02/2015 16:25

25 and single?! Are you not deafened by the ticking of your biological clock?!

JK, your friend sounds slightly tactless, go have fun whilst you can. I wish I'd gone travelling before I had babies, I never felt the urge to before but now feel like I've slightly missed out.

mommy2ash · 26/02/2015 16:28

don't be sad about it, its a reflection on how she wants her life to be. if you have happy being single then her comment shouldn't affect you. she wasn't thinking about you when she said it.

livsmommy · 26/02/2015 16:30

How I wish I was 25 and single

Nervo · 26/02/2015 16:33

I hooked up with dh at 30. Almost 31 actually.

What was I doing at 25? I was two years into a three year relationship which was wrecking my self esteem. The single years after that made me.

Chin up.

SweetsForMySweet · 26/02/2015 16:39

There's nothing wrong with being single at any age. It is better to be single than being with the wrong person. My friend didn't meet her mr right until she was 40. Enjoy being single, you can still have girlie nights out with your friends.
Happy Birthday!

FTRsGotAShinyNewNN · 26/02/2015 16:39

When I was 25 I was married with a gorgeous baby boy, I was also so crippled with post natal depression and ptsd that I couldn't leave the house alone. Don't get me wrong I adored my DH and DS but that doesn't mean my life was perfect just because I had them.
It's all relative, your life can be just as good single as in a relationship as long as you're happy

Clockingoff · 26/02/2015 16:47

I have to say I look back now to when I was 25 and wish I'd realised what a great age it was instead of worrying about pairing up, and who was and wasn't getting married.
It was such a waste of a time of life when I could have been having a ball.

lithewire · 26/02/2015 16:52

Sounds like she wasn't thinking of you, more sort of poking fun at herself. A bit tactless but never mind. 25 is not an age to be worried about being single and certainly not pathetic at all!

Iflyaway · 26/02/2015 17:17

25? Wonderful age to be!

You can follow your dream BEFORE settling down before your time

There's a whole world out there, and yourself, to discover, go for it!

I feel quite sad for people who think they, or you, are "left on the shelf" by 25....
Anyway, statistics will show that most of these relationships don't make the long haul.

Better to become independent now, it will stand you in good stead for life.

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