AIBU to be fed up of putting my life on hold until im thin?

[shitmother]

I have done this for as long as I can remember (declining nights out, not buying nice clothes etc) but i think the reason I struggle/fail to lose weight is because don't really want to - I just feel I should because, well, that's what's you're supposed to do when your overweight isn't it? I really think we've been conditioned to believe fat equals unhealthy/unhappy and slim equals healthy/happy. I am not massive though am classed as obese (I know sounds like a contradiction - 5ft 2, size 16, 12st 11). When I make an effort in quite happy with my appearance. I would like to be fitter and bought a Garmin and ipod ready to do c25k but got put off my someone saying to me 'well, you know, really running is something fit people do'. So I haven't started yet.
Why cant I just believe in myself? When I decline these invites etc its not because I am unhappy with how I look or feel, its more that I am fearful of being judged by others for being overweight. Help!

Ps excuse my username, I n/c a while back when I was having a day from hell with my toddlers and forgot to change back!

Don't do it!

Seriously, I'm round and I have a great time going out. No one fucking cares, they're all
Too busy thinking they look shit themselves.

One of the great life lessons is to realise most people don't notice and aren't talking about you - they're all too busy thinking of themselves.

I cant help but can sympathise hugely.

The amount of complicated thought patterns and issues i have in my head around my weight loss is so enormous i couldn't even begin to write them down. So i know how you feel.

I've been gaining and losing the same 1.5 to 2 bloody stone for years. I bore even myself with it now.

Do couch to 5 k first. I started it a couple of years ago and did it for a month - until I fell over and hurt myself but we will gloss over that

And I'm your height with 2 extra stone.

Yeah Laurie i wasn't going to mention that i buggered my knee up after taking up jogging a couple of years ago

That was on grass as well! (softer than road running)

I took this attitude last year and feel so much happier. I've also lost weight because I'm not comfort eating as often as a result. Get a new outfit and a night out organised.

Life's too short to put on hold until the scales fall and every woman (and probably all the men) in every social situation you go to will be far too busy carrying their own insecurities to be judging you.

One step at a time, but please think about making 2 commitments to yourself

1. Say yes to every social event that you reasonably can that sounds fun.
2. Get that week 1, run 1 podcast going. Even if you walk it, even if you have to stop, you can succeed!

Being thin won't make activities more fun. Wear clothes that suit you and more importantly, that you like. Say yes to everything. Running is something that people do - fit people, unfit people, old people, young people. Go for it, otherwise you're doing yourself a disservice.

Take a look at this : toofattorun.co.uk

And take a look at this: www.fatnutritionist.com

And just live your life. You can be overweight and fit. You can be thin and massively unfit. You do not have to even want to get thin to start being fit. Find an exercise you love. Buy the clothes you love. Don't put it off.

At the end of last year/beginning of this year I made a decision. I decided in 2015 I was NOT going to diet. I have started every single year with the promise of dieting and the lure of achieving this magical size 10 body that I've always wanted. The January diet would last about three weeks. Then at various points through the year (holidays, a wedding, a big social occassion) I would panic and start dieting again, convinced it'd work this time. It did, of course, but I always put the weight back on.

I am not huge (5.4, 11.11, size 14) but I know I am not small right now, I really do not care in the slightest. I work in an office of women and I am easily the largest but I also think I'm the happiest and least neurotic because I didn't come back to work with the unachievable intention of 'eating healthily' and 'toning up' and 'losing all my Christmas weight' (I actually ate what the fuck I wanted over Christmas and put on a total of 1.5lbs) and I didn't have the crushing sense of disappointment when I cracked on the 21st and ate a piece of cake.

I am happy, I am content, I have thrown away every piece of clothing that no longer fits me. I buy nice clothes, I look good and I will (hopefully) never, ever diet or let my weight control me ever again!

(don't get me wrong, I still feel the cold sweat of shame when I see my thighs compared to a friend, or notice my double chin in my car mirror, but it doesn't bother me enough to actually change)

I must also add that after two months of not dieting, I am exactly the same weight as I was on New Years Day.

Tell the person who made the "fit people" comment to do one. I am about your height and weight, and that's after losing a few pounds after joining a slimming club. Do what works for you, whether you want to lose weight or not is no one else's business but your own (doesn't stop people giving you their penny's worth though).

I am you height and was nearly 3 stone heavier than you when I did C25k last year.

I ran the whole thing and have never felt better about myself.

I'm still overweight and wouldn't say I'm comfortable like this, but I try not to let it stop me from doing things. I am pursing a new career that I'm so passionate about, I don't go out much but I like buying new clothes and make up.

Do what makes you happy and take no notice of people who try to put you down

"No one fucking cares, they're all
Too busy thinking they look shit themselves."

YES! I worked this out a while ago and it is very liberating.

Also please do the couch to 5K, I am half way through and it works. I can actually run. I NEVER thought I would be able to.

Please don't put your life on hold, particularly at your weight.

My mum has spent her whole life doing this. "I don't want to buy any clothes/get a new haircut till I've lost weight" etc etc

Particularly dangerous would be "I'll apply for that job / seek that career change" when I've done it etc

Now she keeps putting of an operation that would make her life a lot easier (for gastro reflux disorder) "because I'd rather try and lose weight first and see if that helps". It probably will help. But it won't if you never lose weight. Then you will be too fat and too old to have the op, mum! Either lose the weight or have the op. Right now she's doing neither.

Not that that applies to you but this kind of thinking can really hold you back. Push yourself out your comfort zone and do things anyway. Might inspire you to lose weight, might not. Either way you will be better off than putting stuff off.

Write down all the things that you think/have thought being thin/ideal weight would make different in your life, be it buying clothes, attending events, being fit. Unless you have something like 'being a member of the Royal Ballet' on there then its unlikely that there are any you can't or shouldn't be doing NOW.

Live the life you want now, treat your body now as if it is your ideal one (clothes, make up, body lotion, activities) even if it doesn't necessarily fit the mould you'd like. Eat the food that 'ideal person' will eat ie. feed yourself well, with healthy nourishing food as a priority but without banning anything or restricting calories. As Loisillustrates, often the body will follow - sort of faking it to make it. You don't want to look back on years of you life spent in limbo and misery on a diet....

Another link to add to the previous great ones

www.prevention.com/weight-loss/weight-loss-tips/itll-be-better-when-im-thin

I did c25k two yearsago....I'm now training for a marathon (and my seconf half marathon too)

I'm 46 and about a stone and a half overweight

get out there and do it!!! I cant emphasise how irrelevant weight and running is enough!

Yes yes yes to everyone commenting that most most people are too worried about themselves. This is absolutely true.

I am a size 12 and although that is a desirable size for many people, my mum is a size 6 and my sister is a size 8. I have spent years feeling inferior about it but I have now decided to get fit, not thin. I go to the gym 3 times a week following a programme designed to boost my stamina and strength. I don't give a fuck about being skinny, but I want to be fit and healthy for as long as possible to be there for my son.
Forget the diets, start enjoying life, and yes, you can do couch to 5k.
Good luck!

I have finally at the age of 48 realised that no one is looking at me!
Everyone is so concerned about themselves . All that worry about what I was wearing etc etc.i wear what I like and feel good about myself.do what feels right for you.

Please stop putting your life on hold. And start couch to 5k. Running is great for the self esteem and joy, regardless of speed, size and capability. Bollocks to your pal saying only fit people run - if you look around you you'll see that's not true at all, and fitness is both totally subjective and relative to what you do. For example, if I were to go to yoga I'd look really unfit and crap because I have rubbish balance and even less flexibility, but I'm in the gym every day and I'm strong and fast, but that doesn't count in yoga. Crap example, but I hope you get what I mean.

Nobody except you cares what you look like. I promise. And I doubt you'd be judges by anyone else, or at least not by anyone else worth caring about. Get out and enjoy yourself. You're being invited to things so people do want to spend time with you!

FWIW I'm thin(size 4/6) and thoroughly fucking miserable. Thin doesn't equal happy - the conditioning (which I agree exists) lied!

And a ps - I love seeing people starting out on their fitness journeys, it was a great time for me and I'm delighted that people are getting into the joy of exercise after the horrors of PE at school.

I totally understand people who worry what others think of them. Im not that way myself, I don't compare myself to other women and Im not going to worry about every bit of food I put in my mouth/every pound I gain - but society really does encourage this mindset. I refuse to buy women's mags anymore, in between whatever else is happening on the cover, Im sick of seeing weight loss/diets mentioned.

Some good suggestions on this thread. I do feel that we can waste our lives away wanting to feel and look better, before you know it years have gone by and you're still procrastinating about it.

I need to lose 2 stone - been procrastinating about it for years, but am now very determined. I give myself motivational talks. The key for me has been finding something I enjoy. I hate the gym and running and long stints of exercise btw. Whats working for me at the moment is my mini-trampoline, loads of good (short!) youtube workouts to follow, can also do whilst watching tv. & also jumping jacks, stretches etc whilst kettle is boiling, that kind of thing. I don't mind looking an idiot if nobody can see . I actually don't want to be skinny - I don't look good that way. Im a size 16 at the moment, aiming for 12/14 that will do.

I love dressing up and looking good, I like buying pampering creams etc. No matter what size I am. I couldn't care less. We all need our feelgood factor. I agree with everyone who's said don't give a shit what other people think and to get up and out, find your motivation etc

I'm on a bit of a roll now. To show that running isn't just for the "fit" look at the range of results at Bushy parkrun - everyone there is doing their best and having fun, with varying levels of fitness but absolutely equal levels of achievement!

When I was at college I weighed myself and was shocked to see if gained 3 stone! Of course I knew I'd gained weight but was such a shock to decided there and then I was going to do something. There followed 2 to 3 years of "ooh, when I'm skinny I'll be able to wear that" , "don't fancy going out tonight, but when I'm skinny I'll go out all the time" and even "I'll start running when I've lost enough weight that it won't feel such a chore" (how's that for logic??). I'd try and cut out certain food groups, would walk for miles and still nothing. And then I'd feel crap about myself so pick my skin (nothing there, just focused too much on perfection so squeezed every little lump) which made me feel lower and I'd overindulge.

When I turned 19 I met my partner, and about 3 / 4 months in it hit me that hang on he found me attractive and that was all that mattered. I was eating a lot but not gaining more than I was, still chunky, but thought it wasn't worth giving up food if I had someone there who loved me as I was. I dropped the obsession with food and concentrated on my relationship. In the space of 3 - 4 months my weight literally dropped off and went down to my weight I was at school (3 stone lighter). I didn't even notice, it wasn't until I weighed myself because my clothes were starting to get baggy that I realised I was the weight that I'd been aiming for for years. I stopped picking as well.

Basically, what I'm saying is, until you start living your life NOW you're gonna get nowhere. What if you never lose weight (unlikely) and you've done nothing? I was still eating crap BUT not as much because I was only eating when I was hungry and not because I was bored or feeling down about myself. The obsession with food comes from focusing on it too much.