to be peeved pension contributions are disregarded as income for child maintenance purposes.

[adventuretime11]

Just that really. Seriously considering leaving my not so dh. Worried about being able to afford split despite his high income. Maintenance will cover mortgage but couldn't afford to buy him out. Also not sure lender would even give me a mortgage. With 3 young dc I will probably have to sahm for another 3 years.
He pays 400 per month into his pension which will not be counted for child maintenance purposes. Aibu to think this is unfair.

No, really, I am absolutely fascinated as a matter of fact, because clearly you have a LONG list of things a teacher can do at home with a tiny baby and a toddler and a school age child.

If you don't - if what you were actually thinking of was tutoring and exam marking, which are standard "boost income" material for teaching, just say so. If you'd suggested them politely I would have politely explained why they weren't feasible. It's that shrill, affected, incredulous tone I'm taking issue with and don't try to back out and claim you weren't using it.

That "Really?" is extremely rude. It implies that the person you are talking to is lacking in some way intellectually because of course, the point you are making is so very obvious that you can't believe someone "really" hasn't thought of it.

I suspect that exam marking and tutoring was where your mind was going and the reason you are unwilling to share these ideas that are So Obvious is nothing to do with my manners but due to the fact that they do not exist.

At any rate I will return to this later; am about to attend an 8 year old's birthday celebration (joy!)

It would be cheaper surely to employ a nanny than use a nursery, ours used to cost about £1000-1200 a month. Or a nannyshare which reduces costs further.

You're in a better position than most with a reasonably paying profession under your belt.

Before I go scots - there are very, very few PT posts advertised. Most teachers who work PT do so after having worked FT then had a baby.

I am not hugely employable at the moment. I am pregnant. After the baby is born and is a few months old I will be able to look into further options but realistically it is unlikely that any form of paid work will be feasible until DC2 is 3, in 2017.

If I may say so you are being very negative OP. I know it isn't easy but you really can't say it can't be done to everything suggested.

And it eases up so quickly with school and nursery. The first 2 years are the tightest but then it starts to pay off. And even when it does feel like you are paying a lot in childcare you are still earning and progressing.

You do what you have to do. If you need to work, you work.

What's your other option? Hang around as a sahm supported by a man you obviously don't like or want to be with? Or go it alone. There will be adjustments, you can't expect to get away with all the comforts you have as a woman living of someone else's salary but you will manage. And feel a lot better for it.

because clearly you have a LONG list of things a teacher can do at home with a tiny baby and a toddler and a school age child.

First of all, i didnt say i had any sort of list- long or otherwise. I asked if YOU couldnt see how to use your skills as a teacher to earn from home.

if what you were actually thinking of was tutoring and exam marking, which are standard "boost income" material for teaching, just say so

Of course they were! They are obvious go to suggestions- why wouldnt i suggest them? Am i to use a crystal ball to know before you say so that you have no recent experience, a newborn baby and a toddler? Am i to anticipate every possible reason why someone mightnt be able to do those things and so never make any suggestions? Or perhaps take a chance that maybe something i suggest hadnt occurred to the person (which when you are feeling stuck is entirely possible to miss out options or think they mightnt work)

It's that shrill, affected, incredulous tone I'm taking issue with and don't try to back out and claim you weren't using it.

I did use it because i was genuinely shocked when you responded that you were a teacher.

It implies that the person you are talking to is lacking in some way intellectually

No- it implied you were being disingenuous by insisting there was nothing you could do from home to earn money with the skills acquired whilst qualifying and working as a teacher.

I suspect that exam marking and tutoring was where your mind was going and the reason you are unwilling to share these ideas that are So Obvious is nothing to do with my manners but due to the fact that they do not exist.

Not sure what you are saying doesnt exist (exam marking and tutoring certainly do)

Also, i never mentioned your manners.

Aside from all that, i am not a teacher so options that would be open to you arent in the forefront of my mind. However a quick google has thrown up quite a lot of options that arent exam marking or tutoring. As i said earlier, its no skin off my nose whether you work or whether you think you cant. There are options, its not my job to spell them out to you or assess their suitability for your circumstances. Its also not written in stone that anything you might do from home must be related to being a teacher (i did say that previously too)

Anyway, i shall now drop it for good.

SurlyCue, I don't think you are coming over as rude.

I used to work parttime when mine were little and looked after a friends children when she worked, she looked after mine when I was working. Another friend of mine couldn't afford to go back to work but needed the money, another friend wanted to work and couldn't afford childcare. One went back to work fulltime and the other did the childcare, they shared the wages.

When mine were at school three of us managed school runs, pick ups, after school clubs etc. The other two worked part time, I worked fulltime and my mother helped with hours I couldn't cover.

There are usually ways if you think about it.

vivienne my op may be nagative as that is how I am feeling right now but. I haven't dismissed suggestions.

AND gilly I earned probably £8 per hour pre dc. With childcare for 3, working tax credits I would probably be no better off working financially I was thinking of working in the next year or so but splitting up will be stressful enough without kids having their routines blown away immediately. This would be especially hard for middle one who has anxiety issues.

I suspect when both parents work full time in good careers their children don't have anxiety issues, whatever they are.

Wow that was nasty. Actually I suspect he has anxiety issue due to his high earning father thinking throwing money at the problem is a solution and a mil who clearly favours other gc.That and shouting and screaming at him all the time.

SorryJilly not gilly

There is no point you finding full time work. Work 16 hours a week and claim TC, at least for the first few years.

Are you just waiting for the right time to leave?

At research and planning stage. Have been photocopying docs and doing online research etc.

Havent played about with turn2us and entitledto.com using a shitload of different scenarios it kept turning out that working 16 hours per week was the best financial option for me as a single parent. I have spoken to friends who have found this too.

Having, not havent.

That must be really difficult.

I think you would be better focusing on the here and now and don't get too bogged down with the intricate details of what will happen.

Deep breath and a giant leap. You'll get there.

Thank you. surly.

And scots