To take away DD's ipod for a week?

[foreverondiet]

Ok, DD is 11, in year 6. She saved her birthday money for 5 years and bought an ipod.

Last week we had a family meeting whereby me and Dh said that she should stop using it at 8.30pm, and if she was caught using it after 10pm it would be taken away for a week. She could use it most of the day on sunday. Just to be clear, we didn't say we would take it away each night, just she wasn't to use it.

Tonight at 8.30pm I asked for it, but she asked for an extra half an hour to watch the bake off, and I said ok. I told her to put it down at 9pm. But I forgot to actually go back and take it away.

I went in at 11.20 on my way to bed and she was watching it, so I said I am taking it for a week.

She said that's not fair as:

a) she didn't pay attention in the family meeting
b) it belongs to her and not me
c) she did stop watching at 9pm, just she started watching again

So AIBU?

You have said it now you need to stick by it imo the 8 30 and 10pm rules is a bit confusing what I would do is either take it from her when she goes to bed or go and check at 10 if it is still on take it from her 10yr cant self regulate imo if you want her asleep by a certain time you will need to say it stays in the livingroom at bedtime

YANBU - and as Whippy wrote - I think the way she spoke to you would increase it for me!

Agree with others. Out of room at night. Sort this now as a general principal and you can continue the rule through to mobile phone too when she gets one (if she hasn't already).
Be firm now it will make the teen years easier.

She's 11 and asking for it back at gone 12 at night?? She's got a problem, taking it away for a week is necessary to get her to learn/remember how to use her time without it.

When she gets it back (after a week) make sure it comes into your room at night when you want her to sleep, be firm on this- it's basically a computer, but probably worse for the eyes if she's using it that amount as the screen is so small.

Mine are a bit older they didn't have ipods but when they were 11 on a school nght mobile phones were switched off at bedtime and left in the living room no arguments then.

Well dd1 was 12 when she got a mobile but you get the gist

But you said it would be taken away for a week so you must IMHO now take it away for the prescribed time. If you give in she will then (justifiably) think she has the right to wear you down and negotiate every time there is a set punishment. In my mind you now really need to carry through. Perhaps at the end of the week she will know not to do this again.
Mine have lost use of their iPad until after the weekend because of not getting off when asked (Tuesday night and the little on on Wednesday as she was allowed to p,at on it but her brother not after his actions the night before) which isn't much shorter than your week. They don't need access to the thing and you will probably find by the end of the week (after going cold turkey) she is more pleasant!

I would be letting her use it until bedtime then leave in downstairs for the night.

YANBU
You have to be consistent, and she has to suffer the consequences. Or she'll learn "Mum and Dad say X, but they never actually do it".
It's only a week.
In terms of her 'excuses':
a) she should have listened
b) it still belongs to her. No-one else will be using it. As her parent, you are supposed to make decisions about what she is and isn't allowed to do, because she is a child
c) she used it after 10pm. what she was doing at 9pm is irrelevant.

You said you would take it away for a week, fraud that's what you must do, how else is she to learn consequences? Horrible I know because you want to be a nice mummy, but you won't be doing yourself or her any favours if you don't stick to your guns! She'll get over it and not try it on again

I think you should take it away for a week. If you want you could allow her to earn it back earlier by doing chores or extea homework.

I'd also tell her that if she nags you about it you will add time on to the ban.

A week is a long time.

I think it's OK to rethink previously declared punishments if in retrospect the original idea no longer feels valid. I don't see how modelling an ability to climb down if in the wrong, or having over reacted,mor made a bad call, s a bad thing for children to see. Becuase retrospective re-jigging is a good soft skill to have in the adult world. As long as from the kid's perspective it can't be construed as the result of pester power or to make the whinging stop. It needs to be explained for what it is.

I think another relevant point here is that stopping at a certain point wasn't important enough for the parents to maintain their focus on the cut off point, whereas a young girl was deemed in the wrong for doing exactly the same thing. If you want limits, and think they are important, you have to do the legwork in maintaining the limits until they can become second nature for all concerned. She won't suddenly create new habits, that hold no appeal for her, in a vacuum. If you forget, then she can be forgiven for thinking it can't be ad important to you as claimed.

Where one activity seems to be pushing all others out, perhaps an earn in rather than lose out system might work. So the iPod is handed over on the basis of all other stuff that needs to be done is done. And for a set time.

That requires parental legwork. It is a pain in the arse, and one more thing that needs to be managed, but if you want her to understand limited screen time is important in your family , you needs to show her it is genuinely important to the adults. Which takes maintained deeds, not just words.

After midnight? On a school night?

You need to follow through with this. I don't think a week is too harsh. And from what you said she replied, seems a bit cheeky to me.

We had a similar issue with the xbox as ds was addicted to it. Some will say that addicted is too harsh a word, but he was.

I took it away for a month. Yes, a whole month. He read books, sat with and chatted with us and just was nice to be around. He plays it over the weekend now, but never ever in the week. His choice. I think he realized. He is 16 though so a big difference in age.

YANBU.

1. She knew what was said, she was listening, she's calling your bluff because she doesn't think you'll go through with it.
2. My iPad is mine, doesn't mean I can stay up all night watching it. Not sensible, or healthy.
3. She's being a smartarse, and calling your bluff again. Why the 8.30 and 10pm deadlines? That can be twisted into being misleading for this point.

8.30 is 8.30. Everything off, lights out, end of. Devices put on charge in the kitchen or somesuch.

This is the first transgression of the rules, so it's gone for a week.
It's hardly fair if she has to stick to the rules and you don't, now, is it? ;)

Give in once, she'll play you for ever. Friends of mine make rules they break minutes later for ease and peace and a quiet life. She'll already be aware of the fact that DH thinks she's trustworthy (she may not have heard that convo, but she will know!), so you also need to be very careful that HE takes it off her and you give it back first time and you take turns after that or you both do this together. Otherwise she'll drive a nice little wedge and you'll end up being the hated parent whilst he doesn't have to discipline and gets the good-guy glory. You can guess how I know this; my son's 14.

Well done for sticking to your guns and sticking up for your child's well-being. Discipline is hard but pays off. Other mums tell me I'm too strict, but my kids learned fast, and now they're the only ones in our friend group who do what they're told first time, without screaming/kicking/crying/throwing things. I've explained that's an acceptable reaction to an accident, bad news something terrifying. But not to being told it's time to go in, or turn off the computer.