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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset that DH doesn't take my picture with DS?

25 replies

LovelyBranches · 25/02/2015 23:20

I have a four month old DS. Like any new parent I regularly take photos of him and try and catch lots of little moments as well as lots of smiles.

Looking back at my photos earlier it struck me that I don't seem to be a part of my DS's life! We have lots of pictures of DS with DH, loads with DGP's, nice natural moments-no posing but none like that of me with him.

I have a handful of pictures of me with DS-all of which are when I handed DH the camera and asked him to take my picture. Dh says he isn't a camera person so doesn't think to take photo's but given that I've now raised it with him I feel he should at least try and not hide behind this excuse. Dh has told me that I will have to remind him to take photos, which inevitably turns into posed crap.

This isn't about me wanting loads of photo's of me, but I feel that DS will look back at his baby pictures and not see me at all. It almost feels like I'm erased from his life.

AIBU?

OP posts:

rootypig · 25/02/2015 23:23

YANBU. Is your DH generally self involved?

Original poster

LovelyBranches · 25/02/2015 23:28

No he's not he's a lovely guy and to be fair he isn't normally one for photo's but since DS has been born he has looked back of some of the pics of him holding DS and coo'd over them. I just wish he'd then think of picking up the camera so I could have some of the same kind of photos.

OP posts:

Ijustworemytrenchcoat · 25/02/2015 23:29

I hate having my picture took, but did want some with my baby, for posterity. But my ex sounds like your partner, it just didn't occur to him to take Candids of lovely moments. I am quite into photography so like you I have loads of my child with friends and relatives.

I don't think your partner is being unreasonable. I just think some people can see the value of capturing moments, and it doesn't really occur to others. Have you got any friends/family who are snap happy? I would make them your official photographer. Children love cameras I find, so give them a job.

I have a load of selfies with my baby, at least then I can delete the hideous ones right away.

DoJo · 25/02/2015 23:31

YANBU, but I don't think you necessarily need to end up with posed pictures if you remind him to take them. Just give him the camera and carry on with whatever you're doing and let him snap away. My husband has never been one to take photos, but I think it's worth reminding him so that you get the pictures you want and it will probably prompt him to think of it himself as well.

DIYandEatCake · 25/02/2015 23:33

My dp is similar, it just doesn't seem to occur to him that it might be nice to have photos with me in them. There are even photos of ds sitting on my lap, where he's left my head out of the photo to focus on ds.

kitchentableagain · 25/02/2015 23:34

YABU

If your son judges your involvement in his childhood based on how many photos there are with you on them then you will have Done Parenting Wrong.

I am not a photo person. I prefer to capture memories with my eyes (and other senses) than pictures with a camera. I never think about taking photos, getting a camera to capture an event or moment etc. If my kids grow up thinking they were unloved or had no life or parents because of the lack of pictures I will disown them. I would rather they lived their lives than photographically documented them. Pictures of parents are not parenting. Pictures of a happy childhood are not a happy childhood. They are just pictures.

If YOU want loads more pictures of you with your son then you'll need to remind those around you to take them all the time.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 25/02/2015 23:36

I've got hundreds of pictures of dd with dh and sweet little videos of random things like him making her laugh, or bathtime when he's in charge and so on. There are barely any of me and her, and any that we have are either selfies (!!) or ones I've asked him to take. He's taken no videos of us together.

I think some people just don't think to do it! Although now you've raised it with him it would be nice if he got into the habit a bit more. I think I'll mention it to mine as well!

Original poster

LovelyBranches · 25/02/2015 23:42

Kitchentable, I don't agree. I love looking back at old photo's. My DFather has passed away so photo's are one of the only ways I can see how brilliant he was with me when I was a baby. Obviously as I grew I remembered more, but I still think that photo's are important. They mean a lot to me.

Unfortunately my DF was a brilliant amateur photographer and the only other person in my family who enjoyed taking a photo.

OP posts:

FamiliesShareGerms · 25/02/2015 23:48

I think this is typical actually - mums aren't as present in baby photos as other relatives and friends. Obviously we're just an extension of our children and don't merit capturing...

AGirlCalledBoB · 25/02/2015 23:49

My oh is exactly the same! It actually does get to me as well because there are loads of really lovely pics of my oh and our son and hardly any of me. Including when my son was a newborn.

I just don't think some men reach for the camera as mums do. However I did mention to my oh that it would be nice if he tried to get pics and there are a few more.

heidipi · 25/02/2015 23:50

Me too - DD2 will be 2 soon and I have exactly 2 pics of me with her, one last Xmas and the other minutes after she was born.

I sometimes think that if anything happened to me, the kids would forget what I looked like in no time!

crazylady12 · 25/02/2015 23:51

I have thousands of pictures of my children am.in less than 50 of them I am obsessed with taking pictures of them with grandparents but always seem to forget about myself the ones I do have are probably in the first moth of being born that my mum took

springbabydays · 25/02/2015 23:53

I have this problem too. Two years on and despite repeated reminders nothing much has changed. It rather saddens me. I love photos, even though I'm not particularly photogenic.

molehillormountain · 25/02/2015 23:55

I know what you mean, my DH is the same, rubbish at taking photos of me and DS. Lucky I have an iPhone and i take selfies of us!

meglet · 26/02/2015 00:00

yanbu. XP either didn't take pics of me with the dc's or got the hump when I suggested it.

Now I'm a LP I take hundreds of pics. I've even got a mini tripod.

MrsTedCrilly · 26/02/2015 00:03

Yep, same here! If I didn't take pictures we would have none. There are loads of DP laughing with DS, reading stories etc and mine are mostly selfies.. I tell him and he says he doesn't think to do it. I love looking back at pics of me with my parents!
So now I give him the camera as he just keeps pressing the button over and over while I'm doing something, I'm obviously aware he's doing it but not posing for one shot.

MrsTedCrilly · 26/02/2015 00:04

and*

honeyroar · 26/02/2015 00:07

TBH I think it's normal. I'm cabin crew and on trips we work with different colleagues nearly every time. We chat about family etc, and if you ever ask for photos they only ever have them of their children, never their OHs! Male and females. It always amuses me.

minibmw2010 · 26/02/2015 06:41

Same here and I find it really upsetting at times. Having to say can you take a picture ruins the moment and I have so many of DS and DH in lovely natural moments. Worse DH then faffs with his iPhone, buggers around with a filter and by then I think oh don't bother

Eastpoint · 26/02/2015 06:46

We found this when my mother died & I have tried to get my family to remember to take pictures including me - they're teens now & you'd think I didn't go on holiday with them.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 26/02/2015 06:56

Had the same with DH when DS was about the same age. I wailed and he just said 'I thought you hated photos!'

He isn't one for taking photos to be fair but it just needed me to ask if he could take some photos. He did. Sometimes, people just need asking directly - not everyone thinks in the same way

Bodicea · 26/02/2015 13:30

I have a similar problem as the "photographer" of the family. Most pics are of dh and my son. You just have to keep putting your phone/camera on their hand and makin them take photos. It just doesn't occur to him.
I also started going to a photographers that does classes with children every couple of months - taking pics at the start and doing a craft thing and then can buy the disc. I always get a few shots of me with my son as well.
Don't know if there is anything like that near you. If you find deals with photographers and just buy a couple of digital images each time instead of going overboard on prints you can do it reasonably regularly.

HighwayDragon · 26/02/2015 13:34

This is where the selfie comes in OP

Nolim · 26/02/2015 13:40

As other posters have said take selfies or ask a friend to take photos.

mumofboyo · 26/02/2015 13:44

Yanbu.
I will forever regret not asking dh to take a photo of me with dd when she was born because there isn't a single one of me & her together until she's about 5 weeks old.

There are none of me on our 1st family holiday - it's almost as though I didn't go.

The only photos of me pregnant with either of my children are those I took myself and those that my sister took.

I now specifically ask him to take photos of us now, and to include Mr in them, because he just doesn't think to do so - even though he's really thoughtful in every other way.

I told him that the thought of me dying and there being no photos of me with the dc, as though I was never there, is really upsetting.

I think you need to make it really clear to him how much it upsets you and why; and then make a point of telling him to include you in photos.

Could you book a family photo shoot and get some professional ones of you with your dd?

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