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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my sister would just fuck off telling me how much her DH earns?

34 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 25/02/2015 16:30

I don't need or want to know. BIL has own business, going really well (glad for him, he's a really nice fella and works hard). My sister has just called me to tell me that he's had to get a new contract as the other had come to an end but 'unfortunately he's had to take a reduced rate, this is only £350 a day rather than £400 but we'll just need to manage'. I wish she would just stop, she knows we are struggling and it just feels like gloating. I told her I'm happy for him but I don't need to know so now I'm a 'jealous cow' apparently. Maybe I am but she knows that DH was made redundant and has just found another job so I think she's being an inconsiderate cow.

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 25/02/2015 16:31

She sounds like Mrs 'incredibly richer than yow'.

neighbourhoodwitch · 25/02/2015 16:33

Yes, really insensitive. ..Sad Sad

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 25/02/2015 16:34

I am the highest earner in my family by quite a long way. I have never once found it necessary to ring up any of my family members and point this out.

I would question your sister's motives.

Mintyy · 25/02/2015 16:34

I think you both need to grow up. Calling each other "cow" is pathetic.

The80sweregreat · 25/02/2015 16:36

Totally insensitive , have some Flowers

NumTumDeDum · 25/02/2015 16:37

Yanbu. My mother does a similar thing in endlessly booking, taking and going on about her holidays. She knows I'm broke, can't afford anything non-essential, and yet subjects me to and endless litany of all the things she's bought, the meals out she has and so on and on and on. I make all the appropriate oohing and ahing noises whilst silently grinding my teeth. I feel your pain op.

PtolemysNeedle · 25/02/2015 16:39

She could be more sensitive to your position, but if she's doing the sisterly thing and being sympathetic when you talk about your struggles, then it don't think it's that bad that she's told you about something that is quite significant in her life at the moment.

How is your relationship with her normally? If it's good, I'd expect you both to be as supportive as each other, one shouldn't have to hide important things just in case it makes the other jealous. If it's not good, and she genuinely has called you purely to talk about how much money she has, then distance yourself from her.

Roobo · 25/02/2015 16:44

I don't think it's bragging. I casually talk about me/ DH's earnings with my Mum and sister. For example if I've had a pay rise or DH has done well at work Etc. I'm proud of him and me and want to share it.

That's the difference between family and friends imo.

RatMort · 25/02/2015 16:46

I'm always baffled by these posts about friends or family boasting about income or possessions - is it a class thing? I'm a foreigner, but I thought (as supported by a recent thread) that middle-class UK norms involved ostentatious shabby chic, self-deprecation and a complete inability to discuss money!

Wouldn't boasting about how much your husband earned be like naming your baby Chardonnay-Leigh and driving a shiny, lipstick-pink 4x4?

Only1scoop · 25/02/2015 16:48

I'm more from the camp of

Money talks

Wealth whispers .....

Ssssshhhhhhhhhh

Backtobedlam · 25/02/2015 16:49

Even if they earn more, they may have commited to more repayments (eg bigger mortgage, flasher car) so whilst to you it seems like gloating to her it is a real worry. Sometimes the more you have the further you have to fall...£50 a day over a period of a year is a big drop in salary. If you generally have a good relationship try and be supportive of each other, different situations but it doesn't make her upset any less vali

MrsDiesel · 25/02/2015 16:51

Maybe she doesn't realise how insensitive she is being. Her income is dropping 250 a week which is a considerable amount, could be that she is worried and unloading on her sister. Just because you have less income it doesn't make your money worries the only valid ones. You spend to your income so she might be really worried about losing that amount of money.

flowery · 25/02/2015 16:56

I think you're probably being a bit oversensitive. If it's his own business your BIL will not be actually taking home anything like that amount in the first place, and that is also a fairly significant drop.

zippyswife · 25/02/2015 16:59

My cousin does this "dh had to take a drop of £150 a day so he's only on £750 a day now..... I don't know how you live like you do I would be so depressed if I were you". Initially I refused to believe she was trying to rub my skint face in it. However after several years of this shit I think otherwise and just avoid her.

Yadnbu!

Floggingmolly · 25/02/2015 17:02

Yes it would, RatMort. Vulgar in the extreme.

Sparklingbrook · 25/02/2015 17:03

Something to make you smile Wilbur. Is this your sis? My first thought too Random.

Sparklingbrook · 25/02/2015 17:04

I never talk about money to anyone and if anyone tries to tell me about their finances I cringe.

MaCosta · 25/02/2015 17:06

I agree that you're being a bit oversensitive. Families are different to friends. I would never dream of telling friends how much I earn (unless they asked outright and then I might) but have recently set up my own business about a year and a half ago and when it started doing well I wanted to tell my DPs. I was excited and hoped they'd be pleased for me. Perhaps your sister felt the same way about you.

WONAR · 25/02/2015 18:34

ditto Random!!!

DuchessDisaster · 25/02/2015 18:36

Surely it is vulgar to talk about money?

Original poster
WilburIsSomePig · 25/02/2015 18:40

I probably am being over sensitive. She didn't want to know when DH lost his job and I was really hurt by that so that may be clouding my judgement a bit. She doesn't work (fine), they have no mortgage (again, great for them), but I know my sister, she just wanted to let me know that he earns a lot of money. I don't need to know that. She loves to talk about things like her 'L K Bennets' rather than her shoes for example. She also made a jokey 'a few less manicures a month for me then' which wound me up too.

And she called me a cow Minty, I didn't call her anything. I do, however, THINK she's being a cow. So that probably makes me a cow.

OP posts:
AugustaGloop · 25/02/2015 18:43

My DH recently told his cousin how much I earn (although he underestimated). I was quite annoyed but I sort of understood why he did it. She was giving him a hard time about him being a SAHP and she is also quite money orientated and probably showing off a bit. However, I suspect it will now spread round his side of the family, including my PIL, which will make me very uncomfortable.

Stealthpolarbear · 25/02/2015 18:50

she sounds very shallow
why doesnt she work

MkDaddy · 25/02/2015 18:54

YANBU.

To be honest it just shows how shallow this person is that money seems to be so important to them, that's not to mention how insensitive it is considering what's happened with the redundancy. I'd feel the same.

natureplantar101 · 25/02/2015 18:56

So she's one of these women that boasts about other's success but has none of her own ? just ignore her you BIL will hear her boasting one day and tell her to shut up about his earnings

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